i cant believe it.. and there i was encouraging him on my blog to jia you and quit smoking.. he went his police department chalet and started smoking agn.. i give up. i give up totally. he said i nvr encourage him. there he was smoking when i was encouraging him on my blog. he doesnt even read my fucking blog. how the fuck does he know whether i did encourage him or nt. fuck it. he said he will give me surprises, he will change, he will quit, he will talk to me more, he will tell me things. but he din. he din even fucking TRY AT ALL!

I HATE THE FUCKING FEELING WHEN IM RIGHT BESIDE HIM AND I DUN FEEL ANY LOVE AT ALL! COS IN THE FIRST PLACE HE DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME! I HATE THE FEELING WHEN IM OUT HERE IN HIS SIS ROOM BLOGGING WHEN HE'S IN HIS ROOM WATCHING TV! WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SO NEAR YET SO FAR! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ONLY FRENS OR EVEN LESSER THAN TAT! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THINGS! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO QUIT! NOT EVEN FOR THE SAKE OF ME!!

THE FUCKING PHOTOS ARE ALL FALSE FRONTS! I FORCED HIM TO TAKE THOSE PHOTOS!! HE DOESN'T SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES AND I HAD TO FORCE HIM TO SMILE! HE DOESNT SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES WITH ME! IT WASN'T OUT OF HIS LOVE FOR ME! IT WAS JUST COS HE DIN WANT ME TO NAG! COUPLES TAKE PICTURES AND GUYS WILLINGLY SMILE BECAUSE THEY CAN FEEL THE LOVE FOR THEIR GFS! COS THEY THINK ITS A BLESSFUL THINK TO TAKE PICTURES WITH THEIR GFS! BUT NOT MY BF! HE THINKS ITS A TORTURE TO TAKE PICTURES!!

I FEEL SO DAMN FUCKING LONELY EVEN THOUGH IM AT HIS FUCKING HSE! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING LONELY! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING COLD!