can negative thoughts kill u??

i didn't talk for the way home..... all the way negative thoughts juz consumed me.... cant help but feel he's juz making use of me... feel im juz so transparent to him... cant help but feel he finds me troublesome, irritating, irksome.... cant help but feel he doesn't love me enuff, doesnt love me as before... if not he wont treat me this way.... i hate it when i hear him talk to his frens.... i feel jealous of his frens.... can u imagine, the supposed gf getting jealous of her bf's frens?

y can he talk to them so nicely? so politely? so happily? y cant he talk to his gf as nicely?

he was on the mrt with his fren, and he talked to him all the way home in the mrt..... compared to when he was with me on the mrt, he'll juz take out his phone and start playing games..... i really dont understand i DONT UNDERSTAND!! i hate him! i hate the way he treats me! i hate myself for giving in all the time! y has he become so petty! y does he take me for granted!

i dont understand y everyone can be so insensitive to my feelings and expect me to be sensitive to their feelings all the time. i dont understand y everyone's life is better than mine. why. why did i fail my piano, why did i fail my A levels. why? y do i have such a bf? y am i so damn fucking ugly? y am i so damn fucking fat? why? why is everyone's lives better than mine?