i have so many regrets in life.................... so so so many regrets........ i wish i can be strong enough to move on, but sadly i dont think so......... somebody have to push me.....

im angry at my life, pissed at myself to have such a soft ear for everything.... i listen too much to others and let them influence me so much........... they have so much impact on me......... i get so easily cajoled into buying things, doing things........ and then after that i regret........ just like the hair products i ALWAYS buy at salons after cutting hair........ and i regret! cos i have never ever finished using them before!! sometimes i use only once or twice..........

now, its the same thing........ i let a particular girl's rumours influence me...... Miss J told the whole world the school's facing financial difficulties, all the school's gd teachers have left, she might be considering transferring BLAH BLAH BLAH....... i let her influence me.......i went to change school, forsake my $672 i've already paid for school fees and had to dig out close to $5000 for my new school.... and now guess what??? she's still in school... and guess what she said? "oh, i heard the school's not facing difficulties anymore, so dont change lor" u knw, everyone listened to her bloody rumours and decided to change, everyone listened to her.....

i can only blame myself for being so stupid to listen to others so easily.......... i will miss my school...... i will miss the way the lectures and tutorials are held...... i will miss learning in small groups....... i will miss my friends............. but i have to move on........i have to start learning to adapt to new environments....... learn to make new friends.... learn to study independently....... learn to listen during lectures, and not just attending only tutorials................... EVERYONE is telling me "u learn more during tutorials" YAH I KNOW!! but what can i do? SIM has no tutorials! I WILL MOVE ON! I HAVE TO! I DONT WANNA WASTE MY PARENT'S MONEY ANYMORE!

the only good thing that happened from this entire saga is my mum's reaction about me changing school..... my mum simply love SIM.... my mum even told me "im so happy u changed school, cos i like ur new school"........ good.... mum's happy... im happy...... but somehow i still cannot hide my guilt from letting my parents spend so much money on my studies............ waste so much money on me.... be it piano, studies, daily allowance............ i always seem to fail them..... im so guilty i think i might just die........ waste so much money on such an useless daughter.......

i hate myself. period.