HI PPL.... im finally back to this cyber hole....... apparently im still alive and kicking......... though im still struggling with work and everything...... just came back from a stupid retarded dumb arse boliao "get together" at the boss's house...... we just went there for less than half an hour and we left..... the reason why we were there was because we were sort of "forced" to go..... and the thing was, it wasn't really well coordinated.... we could have organised some outing after the session or smth but we didn't...... but apparently everything didnt work out and we just went home.......... damn it... my initial plan was to meet the bf....but then i thought we'd stay for awhile at the boss's house or go somewhere else so i told him i wouldn't meet him.. now he's meeting his fren and dont wanna meet me anymore.... so im rotting at home......on a fooking FRIDAY NITE.... and i stupidly brought my laptop home, i should have left it in the office or something.... and now i got to lug my laptop tml with me to lu guang zhong's mini concert at esplanade...... NICE........ ARGH.... im in such a bad mood today..........

ARGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHH.......... i've become quite whiny recently.... i've got so many complaints abt work, life, love...everything....... so pissed at myself for so many things..... y did i even get myself involved in such things in the first place? i dont even know the reason.... i'm being very abstract..... cos u nvr know who reads ur blog........ maybe i should just dump this blog altogether and blow up internally like a bomb or something...... even with blogs, you cant blog abt every single thing..... you cant really vent your frustruations, you cant really tell everyone wat's happening.... cos you nvr know who'll read ur blog.... there will be some things that you dont want others to know.... but there are some things that you want others to know and dont want some other ppl to know......... like, how can you complain abt things at work when u nvr know when ur senior's going to pop by your blog some day and read your complains abt him/her somehow?

by the way, i was really stressed up for the couple of weeks.......... stressed up like fuck....... unimaginable stress....... i din even feel this kinda stress when i was studying for my uni exams or for A levels........ im always a last min person when it comes to exams.... so the amount of stress i go through is truly different from others when it comes to examinations (mine maybe 10times more, cos i may have to study 20chapters in 2 days or smth cos i dont attend classes).....

but this time round, work has been so tough i really almost couldn't handle........ note: ALMOST.......... i was really on the verge of breaking down into tears when i was doing my fooking "property plant and equipment" when i had 20 fooking pages of PPE listing.......... omg..... and especially when it's like 2am in the morning, all the ppl are starting to leave..... and when you really dont wanna be the last to leave the office cos u gotta switch off the damn lights and apparently my office has some spooky things going around.... BUT u still haven't finished doing your work, AND you got to hand it up by hook or by crook and leave it on your manager's table that very day....... and when everyone started saying "bye carine, dont work too late" one by one..... omg....... my first thoughts "NO!! dont go... dont leave me here alone.... wait for me...i dont want to walk the spooky quiet alley alone" but you can't say it out, cos u dont want everyone to wait for u and u dont want to stop ppl from going home to rest..... so.......... i really wanted to cry that night......ALMOST cried.........