hmmmmm interesting..... saw on lynn's blog she wanna have her 1st child in 8-10 yrs time.......... it got me thinking.... when do i wanna have my first child? when do i wanna get married? when do i wanna make my 1st million? hahhaha... thinking too far...

i wanna get married at 24-25........ by which my bf will already be 29-30.... (so ya ah, i wanna marry my bf can? :P) i wanna have my 1st child as soon as i get married i think... cos i wanna be a young mother... and also cos by the time im 25 we'd already be together for like... EIGHT YEARS~! which is already too long... the relationship will definitely be very very stagnant by then and a baby will either 1. give more excitement to our relationship OR 2. be a burden to our relationship. of cos, i very much prefer the former......but seriously seriously, i hate babies cos they cry too much... i'll definitely go bonkers if they keep crying........ i hate wailing toddlers in mrt..... and i hate dirty diapers... (oooh, i still rmb hw to use alliteration)...

but STILL, many many many things may happen 6 yrs down the road... no one can be definitely sure me and my bf will get married someday.... no one can even be sure we'll have children....

the only thing i know now is that i definitely love him and i know it in my GUT he loves me too. we're definitely in love.

ok ok, i know i always whine and whine that he doesn't love me enuff or i dont feel his love and all those things... but tat's only because he doesnt do things to please me and im upset.... for just tat moment... after tat it'll be back to the same old loving disposition once again...

maybe i really shouldn't have told the world im having my piano exams.... cos the world will know im going to fail.... definitely... for sure.... and i'll bet the examiner have NEVER seen such a failure like me before.... my fingers were trembling so hard i kept cutting off.... my aural is so bad i don't know wat to say.... i couldn't concentrate and i couldn't even fucking hear wat notes the examiner played.. fuck it........................ so now the whole world will know.... im confirm failing my piano exams... and the whole world will mock at me.... bet they've nvr hear someone fail piano exams before.. i dont know why im such a failure.... i can fail A levels.... appeal 10000 times also couldn't get into local uni..... after sooooooo long still can't pass my piano exams....... some ppl though they cant pass piano exams they can actually go local uni... some can pass piano exams but cant go local uni... but me? i failed both........ im bound to fail everything i do... i feel like such a fucking complete idiot. baichi. stupid. moronic. no one can feel stupider than me now. please. however stupid anyone claim themselves to be.

i just want to die. and fade off. so no one will ever remember me saying i've had my piano exams. so no one will ever ask me did i fail or pass. i dun want to see the look of disappointment in my mum's eyes again. i dun want to see the look of disappointment in my piano teacher's face. i dun want to see the look of mock in everyone's face if they know i've failed. i dont know the actual results yet. but i know it myself. its fucking obvious.

Someone save me..............................

counting down..... 3hrs 44 mins.............

and i'll be free..........

Things to do after piano exams:

1. Swim

2. Lose weight

3. play

4. PLAY

5. PLAY!

6. watch bewitched

7. read more books

8. go gym..... thinking of signing up for Amore fitness.. or is this hw u spell it?

8. lastly, and sadly, study. :P

i guess im considered fortunate ba.... to fall in love and having him love me back, though im not sure if its as much as i do.... but im sure he loves my family... and i love his family too.... he's now the pillar of strength for my little bro too... and of cos, for me...

i think its a very very very fortunate thing to have a man who loves you, as well as love your family... and having a man who knows u inside out, who knows u better than you do...im always amazed when he can predict wat im gonna say nxt or do nxt.... and he can even predict when im gonna get angry and sometimes try to do smth abt it before it happens... it was very sweet of him to come all the way to my hse to meet me on saturday and stay over to the nxt day so i can both meet him and practise my piano at my hse at the same time.. (cos normally i always go his hse over wkend, and he said he predicted that if i dun meet him overweekend i'll surely be pissed off/frustrated, and sure he was, i was abt to blow off my top)
(ok la, or maybe im too predictable lah.. hahaha...)

but of cos, there's also times when he can be so knnccb... HEH...

our 3 year anniversary is coming soon.............ok la, not-so-soon la...but i wonder wat surprises he has for me......well, at least i HOPE there'll be surprises ah...

see? such a big bike and such a small girl....

can u even tell she's a rider of the biggest bike R1??

hmm.. anyway. i'm too bored....

but she won the hair secret miss crowning glory........!!

hmmm.... the hair is abit weird...

PRETTY SIAL!!! super super pretty!

Miss Singapore World 2005, bf's sis: circled one..

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN'T BELIEVE IT!! MY BF'S SIS IS ONE OF THE FINALISTS FOR MISS WORLD 2005!! (i think finalist ah) GOSH!!! AND SHE LOOKED DAMN PRETTY AH!!!! GOSH!! HOPE SHE WINS!!

she's so prettttttyyyyy!!...

I cant believe my luck. my piano venue, is at a super duper ulu place, and that is not the worst. the room's not sound proof and the best thing is the mrt track is RIGHT behind the room. how wonderful =) u can actually hear the mrt halfway when u're playing... and the piano's superb too, yellowish, hard, piano keys. cool. when u press the note, it just goes down and doesn't come back up. wow. i've nvr seen this kinda old fucking piano before for exams. SHIT LAH.

i really pray pray pray pray hard that i will get an old old old lady with hearing problems as my examiner... i dun want old old guys... pls......... i've been having guy piano examiners for dono hw many yrs alrdy....PLEASE!! and guy piano examiners have very very good hearing! and the last thing i want is have a stupid old guy examiner to hear my wrong notes!

all my bank stuffs, letters, pin numbers are LOST. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK.

call me carine panic wan. piano sucks. life sucks. school sucks. my bloody flu and headache suck the most rite nw. sick. bf's enjoying himself at club momo while im down wif flu, headache, giddiness and most of all, STRESS. it's holidays nxt week (term break, cant believe one term is gone with a blink of eye...) but its nt holiday for me at all.. haizZz.......... hafta use up all of my hols to prepare for piano exams...

*sobs* These two are MY superstars............. :P judges are too biased... everyone can tell they like kelly so much more....

WAHAHA. there's a "superstar" session this sunday. guess where is it? WESTMALL!! (and the greatest part is im nt gg my bf's hse this wkend!) WAHAHA. i'll arm myself with rotten eggs, mud and flour. (oh well, doesnt matter if im armed with them, he wun be able to see. but maybe he can smell those rotten eggs?) *evil*

Congrats to the blind superstar. congrats. let's see how u're gonna sign autograph sessions, how u're gonna perform in the life concert at indoor stadium (the stadium's gonna be much bigger, u'll confirm face the wrong direction =) ) and let's hope u'll really face the wrong direction and make a fool out of urself.. cos the stadium's stage is so big and audience are allllllll around u that u dun even know which is the front... and let's hope junyang's fans will make tonnes of boo-ing sounds (i'll be one of them joining them at home) =) can't wait for tat concert. just cant wait to see u trip over wires or mike sockets on the floor... it'll be so cool.....

i'll be condemned to the 100th level of hell by being so evil. but i can't help it. i STILL can't believe junyang's out. argh.

i am so damn fucking fucking sad/disapointed over the superstar results.......... BLOODY HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can THAT GUY GET IN?!!! GOSH!! JUNYANG IS SO DAMN BLOODY GOOD LOOKING AND CUTE AND WHAT NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGHhhhhhhhhh.... SHIT SHIT SHIT.... *curse and swears* maybe i should have called in to vote for him... it's really so damn bloody wasted!! wat superstar.... WHERE IS THE DAMN BLOODY SUPER STAR NOW? i dun think kelly is good also lor!!!! i think that shi xin hui better!! she can sing much better, she can improve so much more! she can communicate with the audience more!!! poor poor poor junyang..... haizZZzz............................

later held her by the waist...