this week's been a bad week........... one thing after another...........u dont know how much i hate myself... my life....

anyway, from tml onwards my comp will be a super computer.... cos i'll be upgrading to 1500k unlimited broadband....... and my ram will be in GIGABYTE.... woo! shiok ah......

can i add in more facts???

25. my big mouth gets me into alot of troubles.

26. maybe tats why i always land myself in a very stucked situation.

27. although i will never admit it or show it. i will be very very sorry and guilty.

i'd been tagged by wani to do this.... which i'd wanted to do so a long long long time ago (but i'd only intended 10, 24 is abit too long, cos i'm such a boring person!!)..... 24 interesting facts/things/habits about yourself that many might not know about u..........

1. i was underweight when i was in pri school.

2. now im overweight.

3. i will NEVER SHOW my moodswings when im out with frens. even though i had a bad day, i'll just act normal and talk normally. even if i showed abit, it'll disappear very fast. (im a very nice person. hahaha)

4. but im a tigress at home, i shout alot at home

5. i can be very whiny..............only to my bf

6. my whole family thinks im very tough (cos i shout at my bf infront of my mum, i nvr shed a tear infront of my family ever since pri sch)

7. but im really not tough at all. i just act only.

8. i think both my brothers think im a genius. (they always come running to me abt computer problems, school work: science, english and chinese problems. u name it. u realise math's not in it. both their maths are better than mine, wahahha )

9. i have a huge mole on my left butt. wahahha.

10. and i have a similar bad habit as lynn... i peel the skin near my toe nails constantly too, sometimes i also peel off my little toe nails..... and how true, once u start, u cant stop... maybe i'll stop when it starts bleeding... dont worry, its not painful at all...

11. im a very high tech person...

12. i've always thought i would have done better in Science stream

13. i treat the whole world better than i treat my family

14. i have a very very bad memory, i cannot remember names and birthdays well. at all. so dont be angry if i forget ur birthdays k?? but i'll make the effort to check friendster birthday updates if i have the time. heh.

15. when i was in pri school, i changed a diff best fren each year till i reached pri 5 when i met pam...

16. i used to get laughed at and teased alot when i was in lower pri school... (to the extreme that some of them juz snatch my txtbooks and step on them. but my mum always come to my rescue by going to school and complaining them to the teachers AND scolding them)

17. i always give the false first impression of being very DAO and fierce, grumpy to EVERYONE I KNOW. and they always tell me "eh carine u know when i first saw u i was quite afraid of u"

18. afterwards they will know, really, im not dao at all, i juz dont like to make the first move of smiling, saying hi. once u start talking to me, i warm up in 3 seconds.

19. everyone always tell me they think im rich (cos my monthly allowance is above average). but im not. really. i swear.

20. i was married to a book (i forgot which one). my pri sch frens married me to a book, the wedding took place in the girl's toilet. cos i was always so engrossed in books, i nvr showed interest in guys at all till when i was pri 6.

21. i drag my feet when i walk. tats y my shoes/sandals are always frictionless.

22. i didn't wear "bra" (not our bra now, u know those kind for kids one?) in pri school till i was in pri 3 or 4. CAN U IMAGINE?! and i was growing quite fast! i really dont know what i was thinking. i thought it was normal not to wear anything else other than ur shirt.

23. i didn't think love was very important. work's more important

24. but now i do. i want to get married soon.

ok..... so i finally know wat the hell is bloody wrong with my comp.... it's been hanging and restarting by itself NON-STOP for the whole week...... the bloody ram is spoilt..... haizZzz...... the ram is 'unstable'... and i've got to change to 2 new rams.... 512 instead of 256 that im using now..... so it'll be doubly fast!! yay! but it'll cost 200bucks.....

argh....... i really need a job, a life, and alot of luck. 4D this sat and sun open 3594 ok?? dont open 3549 again ok??

ARGH!!! DAMN PISSED!!!!!!!!! i had to reformat my memory card for my camera cos there was a fucking error.......... just when i took so many many many photos with vel today!!! ARGH!!!!! she will slaughter me i think....... i am damn pissed with the memory card..... of all times to fail me...... wa lao eh...... just when i slotted it into my memory card reader.... just when i was about to copy and paste everything to my comp........ it failed..... it failed me.... i still cant believe it... other times it would have been ok (because i constantly load my photos to my comp).... but today!!! i just took so many frigging photos!!! i was just about to load them into my comp!! shit shit shit............

yanwen paiseh ah..... heh..... u must send me the photos already..... and those nice pics we took at ur hse today.... they're gone..... sheesh.....

quite pissed at my suay-ness.... and my stupidity.... went job agency today.... and i was told to be prepared there will be a job for the colgate exhibition over 2 weekends.... i told her "ok"... but i forgot abt my malaysia trip this weekend..... AGAIN..... last week i dua-ed the gang cos i forgot abt the malaysia trip....this time i dua-ed the agent cos i forgot AGAIN.... wat the hell.... and i got this bad feeling they wont call me again.... cos agents are like that... if u reject them for the first time... highly likely they wont call u again.... *crosses fingers and toes*....

i hate myself...... for always being like that..... for my blurness... and for my suay-ness.... argh.... i got scolded by my mum.... say "wah, so dua pai, jobs choose u not u choose jobs ah... ppl muz accomodate to ur timings ah" ARGH!!! damn pissing off!! pissed at my mum. i mean, i have so many things to commit!! i've got tuition i've got piano... and my piano exams are coming soon!! i've got bf!! grrrrrrr......

why am i like that?? i HATE to work..... but i know i HAVE TO work if not no money.... but once i know i must commit to something then i scared..... then i wanna reject..... and i have so many things to do.... but my mum always say i only know how to play play play... IF I DONT PLAY NOW THEN I PLAY WHEN IM 30 YEARS OLD ISSIT?

hmm.... one week juz flew by........... quite a busy week cos of the piano concert which my piano teacher FORCED me to go and perform.... sucks........... saw mabel's bro tat morning when we had the group lesson.... and gosh.... i couldnt recognise him AT ALL..... he's so damn tall and looks so different..... anyway, can only say the concert sucked.... cos i screwed up quite a few times.....argh.......... and my parents die die wanna go and see me perform.... ya, even my dad... so can u imagine the stress?!

im blogging beside my sleeping bf.... i hate it when this happens..... i feel like a glass..... so transparent and so non-existent......

just some pics frm Hk

i dont know what this bird-like thing is called.... but its at HK island... heh... took this shot from the boat.... (ya.. we took a small boat to hk island cos my bf said mtr is much more expensive and cannot see anything)

this was taken from INSIDE the bird-like thing.... nice view right??... but the bird thing is like the Esplanade in Singapore.... facing sea and everything.....

us... BESIDE the bird-like thing... hah.... by the sea.... i like this pic... one of the few pics of the both of us there... (im not an england fan)

taken from overhead bridge... (alot of sightseeing right... sian diao... didn't really shop!! pek cek.)

old school boat!!

everywhere looks the same rite? :P

and did i mention the food there is damn expensive?? breakfast for 5bucks (its actually maggi mee, chu qian yi ding noodles with an egg and a piece of meat).... and all sooooo salty, spicy and oily.... i really wonder how the girls there stay so damn thin.....

the cheapest wanton noodles tat i can find there was this.... for only 3 bucks with 3 super big sized wanton stuffed with many many many prawns... yummy.... (courtesy of my bf's fren who went backpacking ALONE for 18 days, introed this stall to us) i like the old-school coke and sprite bottle...

really wanted to go Jumbo to eat dim sum.... but couldnt' find the time..... (actually cos i cant wake up so damn early to go hk island and take ANOTHER boat to Jumbo) took this when i went the halfday tour..... luckily we took the tour... cos it was raining the whole of the half day during the tour...

fooling around at the Avenue of Stars.....

i'm the 代言人 for the Avenue of Stars....aka the 星光大道....wahaha..

my bruce lee.....

my bear bear

偶像!!!

it fits it fits!!

can u spot the old school boat again behind me??... heh...

ok... tat was abt all.... i wanna go HK again... but my bf says he dont wanna ever go HK again... boo.... the mood wasn't as fun as the 2 times we went Genting.... still remember tat time we went Genting we took hell lots of photos of us in the hotel (the thing was: he suggested it).... so fun...... he didn't even suggest it again this time round...... sad.......

hello...... im back!....

holidays was........... not too bad.... but it wasn't as nice as i thought it would be..... somehow the holiday mood wasn't there.... dont know why.... it didn't felt as good as Genting when i went with him.... maybe cos the place really isn't the right place for him.... Hong Kong is a place for LADIES, GIRLS, WOMEN, and definitely not for guys..... NOTHING for guys actually.... maybe tats y he quite sian.....

i wanted to buy alot of things.... but ended up buying not that much.... i saw alot of things i wanted to buy... but i didn't buy... i also dont know why.... maybe cos im guilty abt letting him wait while i shop.... then i wanna fast fast get over with shopping so i can accompany him.... but its the experience tat counts when u're overseas with ur bf.......

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anyway...... i had one hell of a choppy ride back to singapore......... we met with THREE air turbulence when we were coming back...... i mean, i was so damn fucking scared ah.... ever watched Discovery channel before? or movies with air crash or anything? quite dark inside the plane..... and the plane juz dipped unexpectedly.... some girls squeak..... everyone clutching to their seats (or bf)... maciam roller coaster.... i was damn bloody scared ah!! my heart dropped so many times i thought i will juz die...

didn't buy alot of things there.... maybe cos of the un-best timing...... by the time we reached there on the 1st day it was already 5plus..... and all we did was juz rest and have dinner..... and then we went our separate ways with his parents.... and both of us got lost.... for 1 hr plus.... we walked and walked and walked..... damn scary cos every street u turn they look ALL THE SAME.....

luckily, by the second day...the bf somehow already know the place by heart..... im quite impressed by his ability to know his way around there..... and his ability to read the map.... somehow he can always bring me back to the hotel....like i've said, all the streets look the same to me...

and one more thing.... my canto really sucks............. i simply CANNOT UNDERSTAND wat the hell they are talking abt..... even when they are talking to me i also dont know one leh!! wah lao!!.... me and my bf like 2 blur person there ah.... and i thought my canto is better than my bf...... but ended up my bf can understand canto better than i do....

anyway my bf said this is the last time he's going there (sad).... :P he says that everyone says Taiwan is so much better than HongKong.... more things to eat and play.... so nxt time he wanna go Taiwan.... and more guy things too... ANYWAY, nxt time i dont wanna go HongKong with him also ah.... i'd rather go with a bunch of girls........ then we can shop shop shop without feeling guilty.... i saw quite alot of girls who went there themselves really bought so many things back ah.... i felt jealous when i saw them carry those luggages back to Singapore...

and i hate shengzhen.... barbaric ppl...... dirty place.... though food is damn cheap there.... i was looking at a top for my bf.... and one guy juz snatched it out of my hands like tat..... wtf...........

next time we go Taiwan together ok? im going to start saving now.... i really wanna go more trips with u.....

bye guys!!! im off!! yay!! hongkong here i come!

counting down to Hong Kong..... 2 more days..... thursday morning and i'll be off!! yay!! 5 days!!

its finally over man......freedom........... freedom......

thanks to Huiyee... who bought me a very apt book for bday present!! "Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul"... think i need it now....hmmmMM...

went Kbox with Serene, Huiyee and Joey today..... sang and sang and sang......... for 4 hrs..... afterwhich i had a long long talk with serene and joey (huiyee went off to meet a FREN ;) ) anyway... after the talk... it got me thinking about how much i'm putting into my relationship......

i want to be the gf who dont really put in much effort and the bf still continues loving u.... putting in effort to dote on u with all his heart.... that is real love right??... considering im putting in so much effort into my relationship yet all i get is just treated NORMALLY... so normal... so much so that u dont even feel there's any difference between the way he treats his frens and the way he treats u.....

all i wanted was juz a surprise... or u whispering to me out of the blue "baby i love u", just a small gift sometimes (even chocolates will do)... i remembered u used to buy Kinda Bueno for me.... or maybe juz a sudden peck on my cheek.......... and not juz treating me, treating our relationship so apathetically....

sometimes i juz get so dejected, so helpless and clueless to "wat am i going to do to make it like wat it used to be? to make it back to wat we used to be? when both of us contributed EQUALLY to this relationship"....

i really do think that bfs get complacent with their always-so-keen-to-treat-us-lovingly gfs..... till the point tat they feel tat "hey, even if i dont do anything for her, she will still treat me so nicely, or maybe even more nicely, so might as well dont do anything".... till the point where they dont even have any incentives to do anything nice for us at all anymore....

its kinda sad right.... to think about how things can change so much only after a few years.... roles in a relationship changed totally.... the guys..... who were once so eager to go all out to woo the girls, to dote and take care of their "little princesses" like wat they used to call us.... till the point where u really feel so blessed and feel so in love with him.... they suddenly juz throw you on the floor..... like a piece of tissue.... if u're lucky..... u wont get stepped.... u juz stay lying on the floor..... if u're not, god bless u.... you'll live the life of a pathetic gf.... and get stepped on everyday... till he gets irritated by the sight of the dirty useless tissue lying on the floor.... and he picks it up and juz throw it into the bin.... and take a new piece of tissue out to clean after him....

of cos..... not every guys are like tat.... im juz talking abt alot of guys i know..... and of cos, the roles can be reversed... but one thing will never change.... never let ur bf/gf get complacent with u... nvr let them know u cannot live without them..... nvr put in too much effort in the first place for any relationship..... it will only make ur partner feel so blessed till they think u shud continue with it forever.....

i wondered have u really cared if i've reached home soundly.... i wondered have u really cared when i told u im frigging stressed out by my exams... or were u thinking tat i was juz trying to 'get ur attention'?.... i wondered have u ever felt so insecure that i might, i just might run away some day because of the way u're treating me now? have u ever thought i was a good gf??

ppl wont ever find things good when those things are brought right to their very eyes..... they will only start to miss and regret when those things get further and further away from their grips.....

am i right? do you think im too easy to 'get' now? maybe i should stop doing everything that i'm doing right now... and just wait and see what he'll do..... but it's easier said than done..... sometimes there's this "wat if".... "wat if he wont do anything, and dont even realise that u're not doing anything anymore".... "what if i dont msg him, he wont msg AT ALL?".....

"what if......i just run away and hide.... will he find me?"

has he ever thought that he might never find a gf like me in the future? u know.... one that gives in so unconditionally.... maybe i think too much of myself.... but seriously.... i do not think im a bad gf at all.... i know there are worst gfs than me... i know it... i just know it.... cos im really not bad at all.....

all i hope now is for u to cherish what is infront of u at this very moment...... and i will cherish u too....

freedom is near................... after tml... i'll be free free free!!!

counting down to hong kong (june 1st)!!! 5 bloody days there... i promise i'll shop till i drop....

its really time for me to start on my last paper... but but but............... ARGH... cant bring myself to study at all!! i was like having so much fun for the past week like my exams ended already.... only to realise today that i've another paper on thursday.... shit man..........

i just ATE AND ATE AND ATE for the WHOLE WEEK... fucking fattening....i think i gained like 3kg...

tues, straight after exams went to meet the gang till very late...ate buffet at kuishinbo....

wed... slept till like 3 or 4 in the afternoon and rotted till night.... going online, played maple and basically rotted in my room...

thurs~~: went out with bf in the afternoon to suntec...and ate CARL'S JUNIOR FOR LUNCH. HOW FATTENING. later in the evening, he was sweet enough to bring my family to celebrate my bday at a restaurant.... went turf city with my mum, my 2 bros and my grandma to eat at the restaurant (the unique seafood restaurant or something).....and we saw ALOT of KING crabs ah, 200bucks for one, big enough for 8ppl to eat...wanted to share the bill with my bf, but he said "nvm ur bday i pay" hehe.... the dinner was fantastic.. cos we had sharksfin, the roasted duck (the thin thin roasted skin wrapped with egg skin!! yummy!) and super huge crab... and many many more... and it turned out to be damn bloody expensive..... 2oo plus.... for only 5 adults and 1 child...

fri: THE DAY.... went out again to orchard and later to suntec.... went to buy my bday present.... he bought me an espirit watch (ya, watch again, cos my bf LOVES watches).... i like it alot!! and its damn expensive too... so all in all he spent around 500bucks on me for my bday.... plus dinner, movies and everything.... wanted to watch movie that day.. but there was no more tix.....had CRYSTAL JADE..... we ordered 2 la mian, and THREE OTHER SIDEDISHES.... NEVERMIND, after which we went SWENSENS for earthquake..... i've sinned.....

we went to the fountain of wealth and even went in to touch the small small fountain... the most touching part was when i heard my name announced by the DJ.... "from yong to Carine, Happy Birthday baby" he dedicated "Last Kiss" by Pearl Jam for me.... yah i know tat song damn sad, but its sort of like OUR song.... standing by the fountain... listening to that song.... hugging him..... almost wanted to cry...so touching....

Sat: went out AGAIN, to suntec and finally managed to catch Da Vinci.... nice show!!! and we ate subway for dinner... one and a half foot for the 2 of us..... WE ARE BOTH GLUTTONS LAH.... wah lao....

Sun: nvm, went out AGAIN AGAIN!! went to ikea with his mum... and then went Courts and Bt Timah and to IMM..... shagged day.... nevermind leh, guess wat we ate for dinner??? fishhead steamboat.... ordered hell lots of things ah!!

seriously i really think i need to detox for a week..... i ate and ate and ate good food for one whole week... all buffets, carl's junior, steamboat, seafood restaurant, subway, crystal jade, swensens, kuishinbo.... and in the middle still got those small bites we took along the way..... shit man.... not only detox, i need to EXERCISE.....

die ah.... nxt nxt week going HongKong liao... confirm eat MORE ah.... im going to gain like 5kg this month... ARGH....

thank you so much hubby for the wonderful week...... thank you for spending so much on me.... im very guilty for letting u splurge on me.....

i swear, i will never GIVE IN on my BDAY. NEVER.

saw serene at marina square... so qiao.. and she gave me my birthday present....heh now i've got another makeup pouch!! ... but i dont mind really... cos one big one small different pouch for different occasions!!

thanks serene!!

so nice when ur frens know what u want....

Had so much fun yesterday...... it's been so long since i've ever enjoyed myself so thoroughly... again, it felt so surreal.... and yet again, its another one of the best birthdays i've ever spent.... really one of the best, and one of the most touched....

went Kuishinbo with the gang yesterday,it was one of the best buffets i've ever went... heh.... super nice!!.. after which we went may's house again........where we played cards, fooled around, and almost woke up the whole house...

as usual... the gang came up with so many surprises for me yesterday..... i didn't know they'd met much earlier to buy present for me.... i didn't know they'd brainstormed the day before online to think of something to buy for me.....

halfway thru dinner, i was so surprised and touched when lynn and sam came back carrying cakes with a lighted candle......

was even more surprised when they gave me something I'd really wanted so much....when they passed me the present i already knew what they were going to give me, and i told them "u all give me pouch rite"... then all of them gave sian diao face....but i didn't realise they were all smiling secretly... and i really thought they just gave me a pouch only...

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i started opening up the present and they all started to talk in unison, "maybe not pouch leh, u never know lor" alot of commotions went on when i was opening the present..... and it really was an expensive looking pouch from accessorize... "see, I was right". then i felt something inside the pouch..... was very surprised to feel something inside.... i opened the pouch and to my utmost utmost amazement, i saw the mirror which i'd lost.... EXACTLY the same... and then i saw something else, the LIMITED EDITION PAUL AND JOE LIPSTICK!!!! this lipstick had been on my wishlist since chinese new year lor!!

ta men zhen you wo de xin........ they decided to replace my lost pouch and even THE THINGS INSIDE..... now i just need to top up the pouch myself with a lipbalm.... heh!! happy!!!

but i was in for another surprise... apparently they burnt a dvd for me..... inside the dvd was a letter from the gang... very touched by the letter.... and there were many many movies that they'd downloaded for me..... got madagascar, BATTLE ROYALE!!, Closer, Honey, Inside Man, and monster-in-law!!.... so cool right! i can just start watching these movies RIGHT after my exams... especially battle royale.. that gory japanese movie that i'd wanted to watch a year or 2 ago....

and of cos, lynn made yet another very nice birthday card for me.... they are the only few ppl left who will give me handmade cards and things.... so nice....

anyway, touched touched touched....

Thank you Lynnette, Rachel, Maybelline and Samuel for the wonderful day yesterday... can't thank you guys enough...

Thank you Lynnette, Rach, Maybelline, Samuel, Kenneth, Mabel, Veron and Diyana for the wonderful presents.....

im still mourning over the loss of my pouch..... 3 lipsticks leh... one lipbalm, one lipgloss and one lipsticks... knn.... and my loreal lipgloss only use ONCE LEH ONCE!!! bloody shit...

2 more papers to go.... my exams tml morning... gotta wake up at 7 and i still online and still havent start yet... so screwed... haizZzz....

i really really cant wait for this shit to end,,,,

got rejected by all 3 schools again... but im going to try for NIE again.... i regret not choosing it in the 1st place as 1st choice.... i hope they'll at least give me the bloody chance... just one chance to go for interview?? last year they didn't even give me that one chance!!at least dont deprive me of that ONE chance?? if i dont pass the interview then ok! i admit im lousy! but nw u're not even giving me tat chance to go for an interview!!... i mean, they are recruiting every single day with their stupid advertisement and yet they are rejecting so many of us?!! wth... i want, and i WILL GO NIE.

i lost my pouch.... i dont know where i put it... i dont even know if i lost it at expo during exams..... contains all my lipsticks, mirror, favourite earring, and bracelet... and the thing is i JUZ realised it... wat the fuck... i dont even know where i left it!!! and great, tml's public holiday... how am i going to call them up and ask? the pouch is quite important to me actually... all my favourite make-up inside...and somemore got the 2 lipgloss my bf bought for me!! JUST BOUGHT SOMEMORE! HOW?!

i juz remembered wat i was going to blog.....

i was going to say my bf's at MOS nw.... how cool.... i dont know whether it's juz by chance or wat, but i realised everytime when im having exams he goes clubbing with his frens... so qiao hor...

i wanted to blog juz now... i opened the "compose" and i forgot wat i was about to blog.... good memory huh?

5 minutes later: i still cannot remember wat i was abt to blog juz now.....

i've got 3 more papers left... nxt monday and tues... and i've only 3 days left to study 2 subjects..... one of which is ECONS (sucks). the other is STATS.

i was studying STATS juz now and i found out i've got like so so so so many bloody formulas to memorise. how???? my memory is so bad.. how how how?