its finally over man......freedom........... freedom......

thanks to Huiyee... who bought me a very apt book for bday present!! "Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul"... think i need it now....hmmmMM...

went Kbox with Serene, Huiyee and Joey today..... sang and sang and sang......... for 4 hrs..... afterwhich i had a long long talk with serene and joey (huiyee went off to meet a FREN ;) ) anyway... after the talk... it got me thinking about how much i'm putting into my relationship......

i want to be the gf who dont really put in much effort and the bf still continues loving u.... putting in effort to dote on u with all his heart.... that is real love right??... considering im putting in so much effort into my relationship yet all i get is just treated NORMALLY... so normal... so much so that u dont even feel there's any difference between the way he treats his frens and the way he treats u.....

all i wanted was juz a surprise... or u whispering to me out of the blue "baby i love u", just a small gift sometimes (even chocolates will do)... i remembered u used to buy Kinda Bueno for me.... or maybe juz a sudden peck on my cheek.......... and not juz treating me, treating our relationship so apathetically....

sometimes i juz get so dejected, so helpless and clueless to "wat am i going to do to make it like wat it used to be? to make it back to wat we used to be? when both of us contributed EQUALLY to this relationship"....

i really do think that bfs get complacent with their always-so-keen-to-treat-us-lovingly gfs..... till the point tat they feel tat "hey, even if i dont do anything for her, she will still treat me so nicely, or maybe even more nicely, so might as well dont do anything".... till the point where they dont even have any incentives to do anything nice for us at all anymore....

its kinda sad right.... to think about how things can change so much only after a few years.... roles in a relationship changed totally.... the guys..... who were once so eager to go all out to woo the girls, to dote and take care of their "little princesses" like wat they used to call us.... till the point where u really feel so blessed and feel so in love with him.... they suddenly juz throw you on the floor..... like a piece of tissue.... if u're lucky..... u wont get stepped.... u juz stay lying on the floor..... if u're not, god bless u.... you'll live the life of a pathetic gf.... and get stepped on everyday... till he gets irritated by the sight of the dirty useless tissue lying on the floor.... and he picks it up and juz throw it into the bin.... and take a new piece of tissue out to clean after him....

of cos..... not every guys are like tat.... im juz talking abt alot of guys i know..... and of cos, the roles can be reversed... but one thing will never change.... never let ur bf/gf get complacent with u... nvr let them know u cannot live without them..... nvr put in too much effort in the first place for any relationship..... it will only make ur partner feel so blessed till they think u shud continue with it forever.....

i wondered have u really cared if i've reached home soundly.... i wondered have u really cared when i told u im frigging stressed out by my exams... or were u thinking tat i was juz trying to 'get ur attention'?.... i wondered have u ever felt so insecure that i might, i just might run away some day because of the way u're treating me now? have u ever thought i was a good gf??

ppl wont ever find things good when those things are brought right to their very eyes..... they will only start to miss and regret when those things get further and further away from their grips.....

am i right? do you think im too easy to 'get' now? maybe i should stop doing everything that i'm doing right now... and just wait and see what he'll do..... but it's easier said than done..... sometimes there's this "wat if".... "wat if he wont do anything, and dont even realise that u're not doing anything anymore".... "what if i dont msg him, he wont msg AT ALL?".....

"what if......i just run away and hide.... will he find me?"

has he ever thought that he might never find a gf like me in the future? u know.... one that gives in so unconditionally.... maybe i think too much of myself.... but seriously.... i do not think im a bad gf at all.... i know there are worst gfs than me... i know it... i just know it.... cos im really not bad at all.....

all i hope now is for u to cherish what is infront of u at this very moment...... and i will cherish u too....