yesterday was our.... 43rd mth together..... 3 yrs 7 mths...............

ironically the day before our anniversary, we quarrelled till...... quarrelled the house down i think..... we fully made use of the empty hse to scream and shout and breathe down each other's neck..... no, i didn't resort to throwing things off the windows or throwing things AT HIM.... nearly did though.... u know sometimes u can be soooo damn bloody pissed, disappointed, anguished, burning and feel so damn in despair...u feel like juz doing things u wont usually do..... i dont know..... sometimes till the extend u think u have depression or somthing.... the feeling is so INTENSE...

anyway, we made up as usual..... and on the account that he remembered our anniversary, and said "happy 43rd anniversary baby" immediately when he woke up..... i forgive him........... AS USUAL AGAIN.... i feel so damn loserish........ argh. i do not understand why am i always the one forgiving one...why am i always giving in.... sometimes i juz feel so tired....

sometimes u juz feel like disappearing into thin air and wondering whether he'll even notice or not.... like trying so hard not to call/msg him the whole day..... but all the while knowing he'll probably not care.... and juz msg u ONCE or TWICE, "i reach home already.." tat's all... and when u dont reply, he'll probably juz say "y u dont wanna reply..." after tat no news at all frm him anymore..... he wont call... probably call once, and if u dont pick up, tat's it...

sometimes u dont dare to disappear u know, cos u're scared he really wont find u..... u dont wanna be hurt.... better be safe than sorry and juz call/msg him anyway.....

我觉得好委屈自己啊。。。。

hey guys, u all use wat chinese processors ah?? NJ star muz pay money already leh.... pui.....