accounts can really drive me nuts..... driving me up to a wall..... im stucked..... cant breathe.... help.

i really really wonder wat made me take accounts in the first place...... accounting is only plus and minus...... but can drive ppl crazy already.... u knw how fucking pek cek u get when u cant get ur final answers??? u feel like pulling out all ur hair..... cant get means cant get.... no matter how many times u try STILL CANNOT GET... the only way out: REDO THE WHOLE DAMN QUESTION. knnccb.

lao niang wo yao fa feng le..

im such a lousy lousy lousy daughter... i nvr remembered my mum's bday.... today's her bday... i nvr celebrated her bday before.... not used to celebrating her bday..... seriously... i'll feel damn awkward....i wont even wish her happy bday..... i only knew till my little bro told me.... he cock ah... now then tell me.... no use already lor... if he told me earlier i could have bought a cake or something.... cake at least not weird wat....

is she cool or wat....... model portfolio.... bf's sis.... part-time model......

look at her belly piercing!!! so cool!! the accessory so damn nice ah....

i f*cking hate exams... hate hate hate.... ARGH.... good ah, everyone's exams ended except mine... everyone's having their 3 mths break except me... my bday's in the middle of my exams.... GREAT... just great..... PUI.

and the thing abt me is i study damn damn slowly... i can only finish one chapter a day......like WTF... so damn fucking slow ah!!!!! i dont think i can finish my accounts by nxt tues ah!! and i haven't even TOUCHED on my maths yet.... so screwed...... ACCS ON TUES, MATHS ON THURS. one day to study maths, which is wed. enuff??? NO!!!!

i studied for a very long time today.......... and my mind's still in a blur...... i cant remember ANYTHING..... i dont know why....memory damn bad....

one day at the zoo!!

hmmm did i mention? we went zoo the other day?? for free..... police welfare scheme damn good man..... we took lots of pictures..... we took many many pics of animals.....BUT we did forgot to take pics of US with the animals... STUPID.

anyway i was glad after so so so many years, i finally could relish my childhood... the last time i remembered was when i was in sec one i think....i went with my pri school mates....

we saw lotsa animals!! (like-duh) i especially like the white tiger.... soooooo nice!! there was one tiger which was especially showy and proud.... and walked to and fro and to and fro (continuously, it didn't stop) to let everyone take pictures....

there were alot of "showy" animals i must say..... so cute ah!! they know everyone's taking photos of them and they purposely pose for u to take leh!!!

this monkey was especially cute!!

we even went to the butterfly park! the last time i went to the zoo, i was quite afraid to get into the butterfly park.... cos im a little afraid of butterflies.... traumatised by a childhood experience...... i was in the kindergarden when a moth (ok, last time i tot was butterfly can? wat can u expect frm kindergarden kid? everything also butterfly) when a moth flew near my bread (during my tea-break) then, in an attempt to shake away the moth, i slapped it....... and it died..... and its powdery stuff (LOTS OF IT) all dropped onto my face, my body. and MY BREAD. i was heartbroken cos i couldnt have my lunch tat day... cos i din dare to ask the teacher for a new piece of bread.... was my favourite hotdog bread..... i starved the whole day tat day.... grieving over my poor hotdog bread......

anyway, off-topic, i was talking abt the butterfly park... i was super amazed at the nunber of butterflies there..... SO MANY MANY MANY AH!! so nice!!

there were pans like this all over the park.... all the butterflies gather there for food i think... or water..... but the amazing thing is they all gather there... and allow u to touch them!!

and one even flew onto my hand!! i was so damn excited ah.... such a nice feeling.....

can u spot the butterfly in the pic below??............. hmmmm... dont think so.... my bf's such a lousy photographer...

i really shuddered when i saw this...... cageful of huge huge cockroaches..... URGH.

mr polar bear!

i must admit i was quite unwilling to go at first... i dont really fancy the zoo..... mosquito infested, smelly and super super hot.... i was baked tat day... but the bf wanted to go wat..... and seeing his excited face...... then go lor...... but i enjoyed myself.....fun!! though it was a tat bit too hot.....

yesterday was our.... 43rd mth together..... 3 yrs 7 mths...............

ironically the day before our anniversary, we quarrelled till...... quarrelled the house down i think..... we fully made use of the empty hse to scream and shout and breathe down each other's neck..... no, i didn't resort to throwing things off the windows or throwing things AT HIM.... nearly did though.... u know sometimes u can be soooo damn bloody pissed, disappointed, anguished, burning and feel so damn in despair...u feel like juz doing things u wont usually do..... i dont know..... sometimes till the extend u think u have depression or somthing.... the feeling is so INTENSE...

anyway, we made up as usual..... and on the account that he remembered our anniversary, and said "happy 43rd anniversary baby" immediately when he woke up..... i forgive him........... AS USUAL AGAIN.... i feel so damn loserish........ argh. i do not understand why am i always the one forgiving one...why am i always giving in.... sometimes i juz feel so tired....

sometimes u juz feel like disappearing into thin air and wondering whether he'll even notice or not.... like trying so hard not to call/msg him the whole day..... but all the while knowing he'll probably not care.... and juz msg u ONCE or TWICE, "i reach home already.." tat's all... and when u dont reply, he'll probably juz say "y u dont wanna reply..." after tat no news at all frm him anymore..... he wont call... probably call once, and if u dont pick up, tat's it...

sometimes u dont dare to disappear u know, cos u're scared he really wont find u..... u dont wanna be hurt.... better be safe than sorry and juz call/msg him anyway.....

我觉得好委屈自己啊。。。。

hey guys, u all use wat chinese processors ah?? NJ star muz pay money already leh.... pui.....

he's not the person i used to love anymore.............

i feel so lonely.............

he's changed...........

they say man will not stay long in love..... they'll have to find someone else to replace u...... cos after awhile, they'll juz get sick and tired of u...... but for women, they'll only get more and more in love.... and that's the difference between them...... in the end, the only thing that holds them on is juz wat the man calls "responsibility"

after sooooo many days of not touching my comp.............. im addicted to it again...... maple..... ARGH.....

had to reinstall maple, reinstall soooo many things.... had to save my favourites ALL over again... and thankfully, i have backup for my favourites too.... heheh... cos i have SOOO many favourites i cant remember them at all... so reliant on all the favourite links....

juz saw i have 42 new emails...... beng.... juz a few days nvr check emails only leh....

got my comp back finally!!! feels new!! heh..... sent for repairs and had to reformat the whole comp...cos cant even start my comp at all ah....luckily i was prepared and ALWAYS have backup cds..... apparently i cant use my pirated windows XP anymore....cos its causing alot of problems to my comp.... disallowing me to use ALOT of programs.... so i made my mum buy me a new, licensed, and very ex windows xp.... heh....(got tat license sticker stucked on my comp, so cool) and also nortan internet security.... licensed one!! but can only use one year.... pui.... cost my mum 400bucks to repair + buy all the new softwares.... so darn ex ah.....

finally some good news after allllllllllllllll the bad things tat's been happening to me all these while.... i passed driving!!! i JUZ passed.... really damn heng....

cos i striked curb and still passed..... wah lao.... heng ah... striked curb when i was doing vertical parking... lucky strike curb when vertical parking is 4 points.... after i striked curb, i was like, ok now sure fail... cos i kept thinking it's 10 points already... only 8 points left... and finally i did something right.... i heeded wat my instructors used to tell me "strike curb strike curb ah, dont think abt it anymore, u cant do anything abt it anymore, CONTINUE bravely".... i was like, so damn lostform after i striked curb... LUCKILY ah.... i juz went ahead like nothing happened... 18 points.... the last 6 points was like really damn wasted ah.... was minused off when i was nearing bbdc..... kns... cos i was following the front car too near... dammit....

anyway, i've finally succeeded in doing something....

tml is my dead-line. literally. stressed. but i will do my very best. do my best. jiayou carine. jiayou. jiayou. even my bf didn't encourage me. he only asked me to sleep early. the only thing he knows how to say is "then u go sleep early la" everything also go sleep go sleep. cos he doesn't know or doesnt even care enough to show care and concern for me. i've given up hope.

i hate my weekends......... the more i look forward to my weekends... the more disappointing i'll get when the weekend really comes...... i hate weekends... i hate him.... i dont understand why... i juz cant understand.... i used to love my weekends with him... i used to love weekends so much....

i hate my weekends......... the more i look forward to my weekends... the more disappointing i'll get when the weekend really comes...... i hate weekends... i hate him.... i dont understand why... i juz cant understand.... i used to love my weekends with him... i used to love weekends so much....

can negative thoughts kill u??

i didn't talk for the way home..... all the way negative thoughts juz consumed me.... cant help but feel he's juz making use of me... feel im juz so transparent to him... cant help but feel he finds me troublesome, irritating, irksome.... cant help but feel he doesn't love me enuff, doesnt love me as before... if not he wont treat me this way.... i hate it when i hear him talk to his frens.... i feel jealous of his frens.... can u imagine, the supposed gf getting jealous of her bf's frens?

y can he talk to them so nicely? so politely? so happily? y cant he talk to his gf as nicely?

he was on the mrt with his fren, and he talked to him all the way home in the mrt..... compared to when he was with me on the mrt, he'll juz take out his phone and start playing games..... i really dont understand i DONT UNDERSTAND!! i hate him! i hate the way he treats me! i hate myself for giving in all the time! y has he become so petty! y does he take me for granted!

i dont understand y everyone can be so insensitive to my feelings and expect me to be sensitive to their feelings all the time. i dont understand y everyone's life is better than mine. why. why did i fail my piano, why did i fail my A levels. why? y do i have such a bf? y am i so damn fucking ugly? y am i so damn fucking fat? why? why is everyone's lives better than mine?

went Watsons the other day... one salesperson approached me to buy the hair treatment by hoyu.... i wanted to buy but then thought the better of it and left..... was almost persuaded to buy.... but i finally learnt how to apply my self restriction on this kinda things....

the funny thing was.... when i went home tat day.... i saw the bottle of hair treatment in my room...... and i got a shock... then my mum told me a salesperson asked her to buy when she went watsons and she bought it.... i was like.... *heng ah* lucky i nvr buy..... and like i've said... LIKE MOTHER LIKE DAUGHTER...... people ask her to buy she buy.... SEE?? i've got more self restrictions than my mum! i know how to control watever i spend... and my mum doesn't.....

my mum told me tat whenever the salesperson tells her that "oh, this is the last piece already, this product very sellable" then she will CONFIRM buy.... she cannot stand it when the thing she wanna buy is on display, and is the last piece that's on display.... she will CONFIRM die die wanna buy.... call up all the other outlets and ask for the color or size she wants and juz BUY.. eh, really exactly same as me leh.... if i dont get the so called "last piece" i'll think of it the WHOLE day and will still finally get it.... but i wont buy anything tat's on display.... tat's for sure... except when the product is REALLY REALLY REALLY flawless and clean and looks new.... my mum also...she HATES things on display...

the other day, my purple shoes' heels broke.... and i had to buy shoes... i went novo... saw a very nice black diamond studded rubber slippers.... (note: its RUBBER SLIPPERS)... and the person told me they dont have my size... i almost wanna cry.... cos my bf said the pair is NICE.... (note: when the bf says it's NICE, it means i ALL THE MORE MUZ BUY, no matter wat, even it's so damn bloody expensive) and i asked them to call other outlets for me.... and i finally rushed back to suntec and bought their last piece for size 6...... for 40bucks..... 40bucks for a pair of RUBBER SLIPPERS is so damn f*cking expensive, and i bought it. ARGH. ARGH ARGH. heartache. but worth it, since bf says it's nice.

anyway, i went home, my mum saw the slippers, also say damn nice... she asked how much... i didn't dare say at first, i told her "aiya, dun ask lah, damn expensive" then i finally told her the frigging amount and tat its the last piece..... guess wat she said? "since its the last piece tat means it must be really really nice, so nvm wat, 40 quite reasonable la" *bengz*

picture of the day....... makes me feel like having one too...

i need to kill this lazy bug tat's been swimming in my brains since.... since sec school..... or maybe since birth.... kill it, squash it and eat it down my stomach and digest it well..... and pass it out..... ARGH. yucks. but i need to do that. that lazy bug. i will get you.

bought him a laptop cover from kino juz now..... hope he appreciates it.....

i finally know the comfy feeling of blogging on my bf's bed yesterday nite...... comfy of the bed and pillow, but sad thoughts.... ironic sia...... i learnt how to tap ppl's wireless network...... how cool... and how bad of me......

sometimes i feel so lonely... so sad..... even when he's right beside me... i still feel so lonely....... i feel that when a relationship gets too long..... the guys will start to take everything for granted.....the girls will start to give in more than what they are supposed to....... both will start to quarrel every other days...... their msgs get shorter and shorter....... the guys wont bother to call anymore....... the girls will call more and more often.... too much infact..... the guys will have lesser and lesser things to say..... they will have lesser places to go..... lesser things to do..... meeting up juz for the sake of meeting up..... not because they want to see each other anyore...... the girls start to cry right beside their bfs and the guys wont know.............. they start to cry alone..... in their bedrooms.... because when they start crying in front of their bfs, the guys will start to think its damn irritating..... they wont even bother to comfort the girls anymore..... either they will act like they are asleep... or they will get angry.... get irritated...... the guys used to hug them, comfort them when they are sad.....

sometimes i feel so tired........... tired of giving in so much.....

i've been trying to study...... really...

im very happy my mum's going to buy roller blades for me finally.....i hope she really do wat she say.... not everytime say only wont buy....... cos she juz strike lottery.... twice.... she said she spent most of her money already..... i believe her..... cos she juz bought washing machine...... she said she bought the most expensive one... cos the person say direct import from france.... like mother like daughter..... ppl say wat wat lor..... hope she wont kena conned.....

i hope i do well in the exams in may....i really hope so... i dont want to suffer another failure again... i dont want...i wont... IM NOT SO UNLUCKY EVERYTIME OK!

its feels like its been along time since i updated my blog..............

cos i've been so lazy... i dont even feel like doing anything at all..... i dont know why... i dun even feel like getting out of my bed everyday... its juz tat i HAVE to... not cos i WANT to.....

well...... quite some time ago i went to a upper sec school gathering...... heh... but i didnt' post any pics or anything up... too lazy..... well..... the gathering was damn short and sweet.... i think it was quite short... cos i had to leave early..... around 16 ppl went and well, as usual i was the one collecting the money..... can u imagine... collecting money from 16 ppl for SEOUL GARDEN..... *bengs*l.... there was discrepancies with the money (as usual).... and i had to top up a little.... but its ok la.... at least i had fun tat day....

took pics with many ppl......

us and the big friendly giant.... he's 1.9m tall... or taller... im not sure.... and very very big..... our giant friend...

the very big group.....

quite a number of them changed alot..... but also many didn't change at all.... so glad to see them after such a long time......