i feel damn fucking pissed, du lan, tortured now. fucking angry. u dont know how fucking ANGRY i am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate myself for tolerating u always, always always!!!!! always tolerating ur nonsense! ur attitude!! tolerating when u ignore me!!! tolerating when u throw ur fucking pointless tantrums!!!!!! relationship isn't always about tolerating! it's more about caring for each other!! it's more about understanding each other, understanding what each other do!! UNDERSTANDING!! GET IT?!

YOU ALWAYS DISALLOW ME TO FUCKING DRINK!!! I UNDERSTAND!! BECAUSE U CARE FOR ME!! BUT THERE ARE FUCKING TIMES/INSTANCES WHEN I HAVE TO DRINK BECAUSE IT'S MY FREN'S BDAY!! BUT U CANT UNDERSTAND THAT! FINE! I UNDERSTAND WHEN U TOLD ME U'RE STRESSED UP, U ARE JUST GOING TO TAKE SOME PUFFS, JUST SOME PUFFS WILL DO. AND I ALLOWED U, WITHOUT THROWING ANY TANTRUMS, WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING!!! BUT U GOT WORST!! U WENT ON SMOKING STICKS BY STICKS AND FINALLY U HAD TO BRING ONE PACKET HOME!!! FUCK YOU!

I'VE BEEN TOLERATING U THE WHOLE OF TODAY. U WENT OUT AT 1 PLUS TILL NOW. 10HRS PLUS OUTSIDE, YET U ONLY MSGED ME TWICE. 2 TIMES. 2 BLOODY TIMES. 10HRS WITH ONLY 2 MSG. NVM. HEY, I DIDN'T DISTURB U FOR THE 10HRS. I TRIED NOT TO CALL U, I TRIED NOT TO MSG U. BUT WHEN U FINALLY TOLD ME U GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE AGAIN, I HAD TO ASK U WHERE AND WHO U GOING RIGHT?! U MEAN I CANT EVEN DO THAT? U MEAN I HAVE NO FUCKING RIGHT TO GET ANGRY THAT U NVR EVEN INTENDED TO MSG OR CALL ME??? AND U HUNG UP ON ME. JUST LIKE THAT. THINKING THAT U HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING WRONG. AND U SWITCHED OFF UR PHONE. NOW IM LEFT AT HOME. WHEN U AND MY FRENS ARE OUTSIDE. WHEN LYNN AND MAY ARE HAVING FUN. BUT IM AT HOME. I FEEL SO TORTURED. I REALLY FEEL SO TORTURED BY U.

4 YEARS OF TOLERATING. DO U THINK I CAN TOLERATE ANY FURTHER? I WANT TO GET DRUNK. I WILL GET DRUNK SOMEDAY. DRINK AWAY ALL MY SORROWS, PAIN, GRIEVE, BITTERNESS, ANGER IN ME.