i dont understand why it always have to be like tat........... i dont know why.......... i dont understand.......... i hate the sort of feeling........... torn between ur bf and ur frens.......... i am so so so so so utterly sad, guilty, bitter, disappointed about it, but i have no choice................. bf will be the priority (forced)........ i am so sorry............ i am disallowed to.......... not that i dont want........... i WANT!! but i cant!!! fucked up feeling! I SUCK!!! I FUCKING SUCK! fucking suck as a friend. fucking suck as a HUMAN BEING AS A WHOLE. i fucking suck. it's best that i disassociate with the world, it's best that i isolate myself, it's best if i can just live on an island, alone. I HAVE NO FUCKING LIFE OF MY OWN. I LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE FOR OTHERS.

fucking upset, but no one understands. don't expect anyone to. just leave me alone.