i wonder if anyone of u know, really understand how is it like to be very poor..... poor as in, u're studying in a private university (fucking expensive, cheebye expensive), ur dad's the sole breadwinner and has got 3 kids, 2 in poly and university, has NO CPF AT ALL (ZERO, non watsoever) and have to pay everything in cash..... not forgetting paying our housing loan, giving 1000bucks to my grandparents, insurance companies, bills, all in CASH....... or maybe, he's not really poor (or u might think)... but as the daughter, as the eldest, u feel so indebted to ur dad, mum, watever, tat u dont even want to go out and have fun anymore.... u feel so guilty, cos u know how tough issit, to earn each and every cent of those money u're spending.... his sweat,life,blood,bleeding fingers,stone-like sandpaper-like hands..... I feel guilty, cos all along im the one who's spending the most of the family's income.... alot on my school fees, piano fees, my hp bills, aircon bills, miscellaneous.....

i started to understand all these this yr.... abit late, but still not too late.... i learned about all these when my dad strike 4D.... i had really thought it was a huge sum of money.... really huge.... but then he was claiming he's got no money again... i was rather pissed, angry, annoyed, even suspected he was having other woman....how can he spend so much money in such a short time? i wanted to buy so many things, i wanted him to give me money to spend, i wanted to go overseas, i wanted to shop.... then i realised, all along i did not realise, he was in debts.....

i thank the angels guarding me and my family..... at least now we're cleared of debts.... even though we might not have much left to spare....

i've grown up.