Rough idea of the pillow case i made for hubby

Dear blog,

I miss the times when he patted me to slp,
I miss the times when he whispered sweet nothings into my ears,
I miss the times when i laid on his laps and he always bends down to kiss me,
I miss tat time we went cck park for the 1st time and we got so embarrassed,

I miss the times when we slept in nature park wondering if there were ghosts around us,
I miss the period when both of us thought we won't quarrel forever and even wanted to screenplay an argument for the fun of it,
I miss the times when we chatted late into the nite till i had to go sch in an hrs' time,
I miss the nice feeling of holding hands the 1st time, the surprise i got.
I miss those times when i sat behind him on his greenblack bike and the wind was blowing across my face,and when i hugged him from behind, i felt tat it was the best feeling in the world.

now i miss him so much, even though i get to see him, and i will miss him, even when i'm right beside him, cos he just doesn't seem to old hubby anymore. maybe i think too much. or maybe it's the truth, it's reality, we are not us anymore.

and now i miss him, cos i can't see him, i miss him more, cos he's doing this to me. he won't talk to me nicely, he won't msg me nicely.

blog, do u know i'm feeling so depressed now i can die? i miss my hubby, i miss my old frens!! i miss my old life! i miss those great and even sad times i had with my frens! i miss going nite cycling with jjam! i miss going band practices with jjam! i miss going on outings with them! i miss going fishing with them! i miss going bbq and listening everyone sing to the guitar of mitch! i miss so many things in my life! i want my old hubby back, i also want my old frens back! i want them both!! i know i'm greedy and i know i can never have my frens back. my only hope is on hubby now. hubby, pls, come back.

THE ANGST IN ME

Dear Blog,

THE ANGST IN ME IS BURING AND BURSTING TO COME OUT TO EXPLODE!

I hate my bf! why doesn't he care at all! WHY!! He din talk to me the whole day! cos of something so pathetically stupid! He doesn't care how i feel he doesn't show his care anymore! ppl tell me cos he thinks that i know him so well already so there's no need to show. but i dun believe that ppl in relationships are not supposed to show each other care after so long! tat's the fucking prob!! ppl are supposed to show even more love and care when they are together for so long cos they know each other well and are supposed to literally feel and be in their shoes in everything they do and are supposed to even care more!!!!!

Dear Blog..

I will be able to see my hubby in about 13hrs time.. can't wait.. haven't seen him for 11days... miss him like dono what..... missed him every pico seconds.. thought of msging him every other minute... thought about calling him every 3seconds... haizZZZz...... HUBBY I MISS YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH!!

skyline

Footies..

me..

love is really blind...

love is blind... 

I MISS MY HUBBY...

Dear blog,

sorry for not posting for so long.. but i also know ppl will never ever look at my blog... so anyway.. dammit.. miss my bf.. really miss him sOOOoooOOO much.. but he's sometimes too much. Yes, even when he's in the army. He dun call me baby anymore... out of the many msgs he msged me, he only called me by "baby" twice. which is damn fucking less.. i'm so disappointed in him. The once happy 'honeymoon' period was long gone. I miss the old hubby. i miss the way he caressed my hair, i miss the way he hugs me when i was slping. i miss the way he bends down to kiss me when i'm lying on his lap. i miss him now, but this 'miss' is different from that 'miss' if u know what i mean.

ECONS SUCKS

I'm bored... super bored.. there's econs test tml and i'm not doing anything AT ALL. i'm still contemplating if i should go school tml or not.. and start studying econs now.. my baby bro's a nuisance. hate him. damn bloody noisy. I HATE ECONS!!

Hello..

Hello.. my blog's up again.. but still dun think anyone will look at my blog lah.. sianzz...

GP SUCKS

Professor of Journalism Wilson Key "Women are carefully trained by media to view themselves as inadequate.��� (MASS MEDIA)
 
Feminists are desperately anxious to prove that women are as strong as capable as men. Clearly they are nagged by a fear that women may NOT be as strong and as capable as men.
 
Women are encouraged to have careers because their talents are useful to the system and, more importantly because by having regular jobs women become better integrated into the system and tied directly to it rather than to their families. This helps to weaken family solidarity. (MODERN SOCIETY)(SOCIAL)
 
Women have not been permitted to pass our insights along to new generations
 
Sophia, a Person of Quality, "Women not Inferior to Man, fascimile reprint, 1975, Bentham Press, London
 
male power which is the root of evil and injustice, for men have gone to evil and unjust lengths in the attempt to protect that power and to preserve their primacy. It is clear, she argues, that men have created 'superior' men and 'inferior' women but women do not have to accept the organization and the values that men have created
 It is a fact of life that men enjoy certain physical advantages over women. On average, men are stronger, taller, faster and less likely to be overweight. But none of these attributes seem to matter over the long haul. For whatever the physical virtues of maleness, longevity is not among them.Women, as a group, live longer than men. In all developed countries and Most undeveloped ones, women outlive men, sometimes by a margin of as much as 10years. In the U.S., life expectancy at birth is about 79 years for women and about 72 years for men. The gender discrepancy is most pronounced in the very old: among centenarians worldwide, women outnumber men nine to one.  The gender gap has widened in this century as gains in female life expectancy have exceeded those for males. it appears that women have outsurvived men at least since the 1500s, when the first reliable mortality data were kept At present, the only countries in which male life expectancy exceeds that for females are those with long-standing sexual discrimination--including Bangladesh, India and Pakistan--where social pressures and practices such as female infanticide and bride-burning result in unique "losses" of females.If man attempts woman's function , he will prove himself but an inferior woman. If woman attempts man's function, she will prove herself but an inferior man. Some masculine women there are; some feminine men there are. These are the monstrosities of Nature.

I know he can't do anything for me.. can't keep promises.. can't even go swimming with me.. how pathetic can i be.. i can't even be a good girlfriend to him, to even make him keep promises to even make him do something for me. He will NEVER buy me presents or anything, even as small as a pen or pencil, UNLESS i prompt him to. Sometimes i really feel so no shame when i ask him to buy something for me... It's like he bought it cos i asked him to. sometimes he won't even buy anything for me EVEN IF i asked him to buy. I really get so disappointed at him sometimes. He will never read my blogs, he will never even fucking even try to remember my blog name. He will never ever read my testimonials.. sometimes i really hate his apathetic attitude to the core.

 

or maybe the problems lies with me. I'm too pathetic. My life's too pathetic. Sometimes I feel that my bf is more socially conscious than he loves me. He cares about his appearance infront of his frens, his parents, my parents, more than he loves me. I know he will never read my blogs that's why i'm saying sooooooo many bad things about him. I can't help it. It's the only way i can vent my anger now. Cos all these things i put here i've already told him tens and thousands of times, he just won't seem to care.

 

I HATE MY FUCKING BOYFREN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He doesn't keep his fucking promises he doesn't give a fuck for my feelings!!!!!!!!!!!! All he cared was to smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke smoke. TO HELL TO "I swear after chinese new year this year i'm NEVER gonna smoke again. If not I don't love you." Fuck. Chee bye. Knn. And the fucking pissed off thing was he kept on asking and asking if he could smoke if he could smoke. He even said i was naggy. TO FUCK WITH HIM! I just wanted him to be healthier! Since god knows when he haven even bought me any gifts anymore. Since my bday i think. And even before that I din even receive anything so much so a small card or a small tiny cheepskate 20cents thing. NOTHING. Sometimes i really feel he treats his family and frens so much fucking more better than me. I really hate is apathetic attitude towards me. I hate my life that's it.

ME! 

Sorry peeps for my so vulgarity-filled blog just now.. just feel so losted form. haiZZzz.. but hey.. i'm human too.. i'm not always that cheerful, humourous, happy go lucky girl u know.. ;) for your infos, i've got feelings too.. though i can hide them damn well.. :P maybe not when i'm infront of my bf, but to all my frens, i always hide them so damn well.. infront of my bf i can scream, shout, screw him upside down until he gets so damn pissed and walk away.. hehe.. i'm like that.. i can only show my inner feelings to certain people. sometimes not even my best frens. i can't cry infront of them, i will go crazy. they can't cry infront of me, i will go crazy too... i'm like that.. but when i told my bf i dont cry n hate people crying, u should see his reactions, cos he wont believe me.. in front of him i'm a crybaby.. :P on the inside i'm weak u know.. dun push me too far when i'm angry or upset.. i might go crazy and charge at u anytime.. i'm a taurus remember? :P sorry to anyone who got hurt when reading my blog just now.. din mean to hurt anyone wif my words.. those were just my feelings.. dun think anyone will mind my vulgarities lah.. except maybe for rachel.. hehe.. and anyway, rachel!! dun get so stressed over the drama thing lah.. it's supposed to be a fun class thing lah, doesn't matter if we got best drama (well i think it does matter a little bit), but wat's most important is the process of it lah.... girl dun think so much.. stay happy and cool miss i need a mann! am i talking to myself? i think i am.. no one will read my blog one lah.. they got bored of it already.. haizZ...

FUCK

FUCK IT LAH!! I FEEL SO BLOODY FUCKED UP! I'M SO BLOODY ANGRY WITH MY BOYFREN! WAT THE FUCK AM I TO HIM ANYWAY!! HE BETTER GET HIS PRIORITIES RITE!! HE HOLDS HIS FREN'S OPINIONS SO MUCH MORE THAN HE HOLDS MINE! FUCK IT! I FEEL LIKE SHOUTING NOW I FEEL LIKE CRYING NOW I FEEL LIKE PUNCHING HIS BLOODY FACE NOW!~!!! HE DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO COME TO MY DRAMA FESTIVAL TO SUPPORT ME!! HE GAVE ME ALL KINDS OF NONSENSE ALL BLOODY FUCKING EXCUSES!! BULLSHITS! I KNOW I ONLY HAVE ONLY 4 FUCKING LINES IN THE PLAY, BUT IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE COULD USE IT AS AN EXCUSE TO NOT TO COME AND SUPPORT ME!! HE SAID IT'S BOLIAO, IT'S NONSENSE, IF HE GOES HE WILL HAVE TO GO ALONE!! I'M SURE IF ANYONE'S GF OR BF THEY WONT EVEN THINK OF ALL THESE NONSENSE EXCUSES THEY WILL SURELY GO AHEAD AND SUPPORT!! BUT WHY CAN'T HE EVEN DO THAT FOR ME!!!!!!!! FUCK!!! CAN MEN EVER STUFF THEIR EGOS UP THEIR ASS AND START GIVING WOMEN RIGHTS TO EVEN SAY VULGARITIES, TO LET WOMEN FEEL BETTER, TO LET WOMEN FEEL SAFER IN THEIR CARE!!! OR DO THEY EVEN CARE AT ALL?!! WHY CAN MEN SHOUT VULGARITIES AS AND WHEN THEY WANT AND WOMEN CAN'T DO IT?! FUCK KENINA CHAO CHEE BYE!!! CANT WOMEN VENT THEIR ANGERS OUT TOO? AM I EVEN HIS BLOODY GF? AM I EVEN ANYTHING TO ANYONE? NOTICE HOW MY OPINIONS ALWAYS GET THROWN AWAY WIF A WAVE OF THEIR HANDS? WHY CAN'T EVEN ANYONE LISTEN TO ME FOR ONCE!! SOMETIMES MY OPINIONS ARE GOOD ONES TOO U KNOW OR NOT!! OR DOES ANYONE KNOWS IT OR NOT!!! CAN'T U ALL NOTICE I'M JUST SHUTTING UP AND NOT SHOWING HOW I FEEL WHEN EVERYONE THINKS I'M TALKING NONSENSE!! CHIANG CHENG YONG CAN U EVEN LISTEN TO ME AND CHANGE YOUR APATHETIC ATTITUDE TOWARDS ME FOR ONCE AND LISTEN TO ME!!!!! CAN ANYONE JUST LISTEN TO ME?! OR ARE THEY EVEN FUCKING LOOKING AT MY BLOG AT ALL? SEE? NO ONE EVEN COMES IN TO SEE WAT THE FUCK I'M TALKING ABOUT, WAT NONSENSICAL STUFF I'M CRAPPING ABOUT, NOT EVEN MY BOYFREN!!!!! NOT EVEN HE CARES WAT I'M SCREAMING DOWN HERE!!! fuck lah

So tired the whole day.. almost slept the whole day.. din do anything, just slept and slept and slept.. haizZz... Din receive any presents yesterday to attract attention.. also din receive any surprise from my bf :P anyway, the only thing i got yesterday was my brand new fucked up digi camera.. haizZZz.. The digi camera a bit unbest eh.. When i take pictures with it, the flash is so damn bright, then the pictures come out all so unbest.. it's so laggy as well.. also, when i take picture, i have to wait for so long, and can't even move abit, if not the picture will turn out very blur.. the only good thing about it is that it can be used as web camera.. BUT! dono y my stupid bf's computer can't install the bloody software.. Either there's something wrong with this soft ware, or there's something wrong with my bf's comp.. ARGHH.. why is my life always so screwed? It ALWAYS turns out so damn wrong..

Sometimes I really feel... other than me, myself and me again.. i'm somewat very alone.. When my bf's not with me.. i'll be so lost.. I realised that for him, i've forsaken alot of my frens, not joined my frens for a long long time... For him, I've also declined any forms of invitations to all sorts of places to have fun.. However... Sometimes i do not really regret it, cos afterall, he's still my loved one, he's still my bf.. I just kinda regret that i din ask my bf to join my frens in the first place.. i din try to make them click. Now that it's come this kind of situation, I really feel a tinge of regret, but also, somehow a sense of happiness as at least i have someone who really loves me... BUT sometimes i really feel so sad.. so lonely without my frens.. all of my frens seem to have tonnes of things to do.. don't seem to have time for me.. when my bf's not around that is.. HaizzZZzz.. guess have to live with it.. I really dont know how i am going to survive when my bf goes into army.. i'll be left alone.. so lonely.... look at now.. i seem to be talking alone.. talking to my comp.. talking to myself..hai zZz...