Was listening to 933
音乐日记.. they were playing some old songs... and once again, i felt the all so familiar pang of pain in my heart as i felt the cold wind blew across my face when i was walking home.. felt so nostalgia all of a sudden...

suddenly remembered those days when i was down... back then in sec sch.. when i took 185 (now 985) and alighted near nature park... and either walked all the way home.. (quite a distance) or walked right into nature park... i'd listen to my radio.. listen to yin yue ri ji..and let my thoughts just run about.. most of the time i'd cry and walk.. and dono why... most of the time.. the weather was always about-to-rain those kinda weather.. i always felt my mood can affect the weather... ok, im stupid, but i just THOUGHT, cos just so happened it's always like tat..

now.. somehow.. just somehow, i wish i'd get back to those days.. i dono why.. i like to feel the breeze against my face...never fail to make me feel like crying.. those were the days when many things were happening and i'd always be feeling sad.. those were the days when i had the courage to walk into nature park alone in the middle of the night.. just to sit by the lake... and look at the reflection by the lake's lights... and just looking at the cliffs.. a beautiful place wif beautiful scenery... one can find their peace there.. but one can also feel terribly sad there... cos those cliffs made u feel so so so small and alone...so lonely..

i think im an attention seeker in my own way.. i'd always like to 'wallow in tears'.. and sometimes i'd like to make it known to my frens.. so i can get the attention tat i think i've always lacked, or always dun have..but i'd NEVER cry infront of them.. i'll just msg my frens tat im damn sad... back then in sec sch.. i used to get jealous at all the attention my frens around me will get, just by crying. maybe tat's why i hate crying.. i used to think it was a way to seek attention...but tat was then when i was still so childish.. i realised crying is really a way to get rid of all of ur troubles, for some minutes.. and it's also a way to express our ultimate ultimate heartaches... BUT i used to have alot of frens who LOVE crying infront of a whole TONNE of ppl.. and i mean TONNE.. they wun cry infront of only 1 or 2 ppl.. they'll purposely cry infront of at least 7-8 ppl...e.g: band time. and tat's when i get damn pissed... i wun even bother comforting those ppl.. i wun even bother to crowd ard them... they love to make known tat they just broke up wif some bfs, or their pets just died or something.. and tat's when i really really really hate ppl crying.. but i realised im so childish! ok.. maybe i hate to see ppl cry cos it makes me wanna cry as well, and i dun wanna cry..

anyway,
音乐日记 was playing this song..

手牵手一步两步三步四步望着天
看星星一颗两颗三颗四颗连成线
背对背默默许下心愿
看远方的星是否听得见
它一定实现

hearing this song reminded me of the day u asked to hold my hands in nature park.. so stupid yet so cute.. 'can i hold ur hand?'

such a funny question to ask... i mean, he shouldnt even have asked.. shud have just grabbed my hand.. but his dumbness was wat attracted me too..

love my bf sooo much... he was the one who let me know wat bliss really is.. and wat love really is too.. but ironically.. he was also the one who let me know wat ultimate anger and ultimate heartbreaks really is too.. i nvr thought i'd ever feel such extreme emotions towards someone.. but HUBBY was the special one..

i've nvr said this to you before in real person.. but i really thank you.. thank you for letting me have a taste of bliss, sweetness.. and in short,
酸甜苦辣... most of it shud be bittersweetness.. anyway.. thanks alot!! for always being there for me! for always listening to me nag and nag and nag abt somethings.. for always being my punching bag whenever i feel like it.. and esp when im feeling down... seriously, i dunno why.. i'd feel damn paiseh if i were to say all these to u in ur face.. so i'd better put it down in my blog.. BUT anyway.. u wun read my blog.. *phew* so i wun feel so paiseh..