i'll be starting work tomorrow...... my first ever perm job....... apprehensive........ alot of things going through my mind right now and i can't think well.... i'm apprehensive about alot of things....... i'm afraid of leaving first impressions to anyone..... i'm afraid i'll have no friends, no lunch kakis, afraid of office politics, afraid of doing the wrong things........ haizz........ so many things...... afraid i can't cope with the work, afraid of cant coping work with piano lessons...... so fucked up....

and i just came back from visiting my grandfather at the hospital........ it's quite serious, his heart is getting weaker...... his kidneys are in very bad condition.... prays that he recovers soon........ and i really do think hospitals have very bad air..... as in, alot of bacteria...... the moment i stepped out of the hospital i felt really groggy and felt like puking..... and my head's throbbing badly now....

and did i mention i've got very strict dresscode for work? i couldn't believe it when i saw the stupid dresscode thing... they expect us to wear COURTSHOES. wtf. YUCKS. i dont care ah i just wear covered shoes and see what they say.... cant even wear those nice looking dress shoes ah...... shit...."strictly no dress sandals allowed" that's what they say.... must wear formal clothes, even on fridays if you're meeting your clients.... but i don't care too, i just bought quite a number of sleeveless-but-official-looking tops.... not VERY formal, but well, will look formal if i match with a black skirt or pants lah.... DONT CARE LAH... wah lao... everyday wear long sleeve formal tops i will die ah.....

i'm so so so so tired now....... legs aching like hell.... finally managed to find time to go shopping today for my work clothes.... and i managed to get alot of tops i really like for a good bargain.... i'm like so FRIGGING BROKE NOW... u can't imagine how broke........ argh..... went to take passport size photo this morning, cos i just realised i got to hand in passport size photo for my work pass... and i've used up my favourite passport size photo for all the stupid interviews........ super wasted...... and those jobs were all sucky.... bought 7 tops for $130 woohoo.... but 2 were casual tops from Mango sale, 1 is a very very super nice woolen jacket..... mango sale wasn't fantastic anyway....... not for the quality they give....... $35 for a normal top, boo.... i rather buy an imitation somewhere else........ i'm waiting for the Zara sale........ when Zara sale start PLEASE INFORM ME PLEASE......... Zara's clothes are WAY better than mango's......

i'm quite upset recently, cos my 'eating' habits have been greatly disrupted.......... being a typical Taurus girl, there are some food that i MUST HAVE every week..... like Lot1's foodcourt Dry Beef Noodles....... i've been having it since sec1....... and yanwen should know how i went crazy over the beef noodles when i was in sec2....... cos i had it almost everyday....... or maybe really everyday.... no lah, every weekday after school........ and ever since i've graduated, i've also been constantly having the beef noodles cos my piano teacher's house is near lot1, so i'll have it once a week (it's the only thing i look forward to for piano lesson)........ AND NOW, it's GONE. !!!!! ARGH!!! GONE!! for a few weeks when the foodcourt was renovating, it disappeared! i dono where it shifted to!!! i was hoping it'll shift to the foodcourt upstairs but it wasn't there! i was quite tempted to ask the other foodcourt ppl where have they shifted to.... or will they shift back after the basement 1 foodcourt is done up (or will they even have another foodcourt in basement 1 in the first place?)... but i've got no guts to ask, they will think i'm crazy ah...... WAH LAO.........

tat's not all ok......... i love the shou gong mian at Clementi Kopitiam just on the right of the Mcdonald....... it's gone too....... gosh..... i have to eat it once a week after school, or whenever i go pass Clementi, it's a MUST HAVE..... and now it's gone too!!! WHY?!! now i've got nothing to look forward to anymore....... no good food to look forward to anymore.... i'm so upset.......

you may think i'm crazy, but these routines mean alot to me k........... i'm a very routined person... so whenever my routines get messed up i'll get messed up too!!

a typical week goes like that for me, monday aftnoon soup beef noodles at kovan OR chicken chop at hougang, dinner at bf hse, tuesday afternoon laksa or shou gong mian at clementi, normally dont eat dinner and wait till dad buys something back for supper, wed afternoon lunch with dad and shou gong mian at Clementi if meet bf or dinner with family, thurs "free to eat" day but i normally eat maggi mee at home or see what my mum packets home for me, fri afternoon dry beef noodles at lot1 after piano and dinner at bf hse........

i eat out EVERY SINGLE DAY leh........ all these good food or "habitually consumed food" are the only food i can look forward to..... i feel like i've got nothing to eat anymore.... cos i'm so fucking SICK of outside food....... unless i go my bf's hse eat home cooked food everyday.........which means it's quite impossible unless i start cohabiting with the bf...... wah laoooooo................ i am soooooooo damnnnn SIAN........

i'm starting to hate food........ but i can't function when i get hungry..... so i'll eat for the sake of filling up my stomach... which defeats the purpose of my tastebuds...... argh, i'm rambling....... shit lah.

and i can't help but feeling quite depressed over the fact that i'm starting work next tuesday... can't get over the fucking fact that i've only got the nxt 4 days left to slack........ it's really shitty..... and i got to last for one whole month before i get my frigging pay......... last 1 MONTH, on the miserable savings i have...... and there they are, always saying "poor but happy"..... how can anyone be poor but happy? i seriously wonder.... how can u be happy when u're poor?

BBQ later!!!!!! omg, can't wait..... been at home these few days practicing the damn piano for the stupid piano recital thingy.........

to my horror, the teacher actually video cam-ed the whole thing down...... and to my pleasant surprise, one of my fren, another fellow diploma student, actually composed a SUPER nice song herself........ omg...... it's really nice.... when she played it i thought it was from some Romantic composer......... but the teacher told us it was actually the students' own composition.... wow........... and, just realised my teacher actually has got HELL lot of students........ 20 students went for the piano recital, and 10 students couldn't make it........ 30 students altogether....... let's do a simple maths.... average she earns around $40/hr per student...... each student has 4 lessons a month........ so she'll earn....... $40 x 4 x 30students= $4800 a mth............ kaoz......... and tat's for only working for less than 30 hrs (most lower grade students only attend 45mins lessons) a week, compared to the average 45 hrs work wk........

i've been bumming around lately, sleeping late at night, and waking up in the afternoon....... it's really nice, but it's really bad for my body clock.... i guess i've got to start adjusting my body clock, especially before i start work in July, if not i die......

anyway, been quite concerned about 2 ulcers under my tongue, directly beneath the 2 veins...... it's been 2 weeks, and my ulcers show no signs of healing....... it's quite worrying, since i read online that ulcers not healing in more than 2 weeks are symptons of Oral cancer....... it's even more worrying when most of my frens smoke, and i'm a "heavy" 2nd hand smoker i guess.... and Oral cancer happens to smokers...... and just now, my ulcers just BLED....... can u imagine, bleed, under my frigging tongue....... i saw the doctor but he just gave me a mouth wash and said it's nothing much, just asked me to stop eating sweet things and heaty food....... i know i'm paranoid, but i think i should see the specialist..... and it's going to come up to a huge amount of consultation fee..... argh. am i paranoid or what? but my ulcers looked exactly like the picture of the Oral cancer medical printout thingy. fuck lah. how?

Yesterday Once More - The Carpenters

Nice song....... *sigh*

Graduating made me feel old........ much much older.... but the very prospect of having alot more money in my life other than my meagre allowances made me feel better, but just by one tiny bit.... haizZZZz...... well, i certainly hope to hit the books again next year and get that level 3 ACCA completed..... and of cos, in 3 years' time, my CPA. tada. well the level 3 ACCA thingy had to be pushed to nxt year cos of the un-best peak and off peak periods of my workload..... by the time i get into the firm, it'll be peak period....... so the only way i can start my professional cert is nxt year after March i guess....... this will be the best case scenario ah..... haizzz...... hopefully all goes according to my plan......... insomia started setting in during this period....... and it's getting on my nerves........ but lucky for me, i can wake up late tml w/o a care......

knowing how to forgive is something that i've learnt after so many years........ Forgiveness is when you don't let your hate consume you..... don't let irrational thoughts eat you up...... forgiveness is when you give up a place for someone in your heart..... don't push everything out and allow hate to fill your heart.......

it's pointless to hate, pointless to blame.... just forgive..... and soon u'll realise the world will be a much better place...... realise there are more reasons for you to smile....... more things that will make your day....... tat's what i've learnt..... forgiving is such a great virtue...... and when you've learnt to forgive, when you turn around and look back at those things you've done or said back then, it just makes you feel childish.... it'll only make you laugh at yourself, how silly you were in the past....

Some very old photos

this was also from eons ago..... chinese new year dinner with his frens at Punggol Marina....... Panasonic Lumix camera rocks ah! eyeing that new Lumix! can only get it after i start working....... pui....

very old photos 2

some long ago photos...........

celebrating the bf's dad's bday and his bday together........ on 8th March.... their bdays are just 1 day apart...

after the dinner we went to celebrate his bday with his frens........ Prawning!!! super fun! there's bbq pit for u to bbq those prawns you catch too! and of cos can bring some other bbq food on your own also ah.... did i mention the prawning story? I broke the damn fishing rod which cost me $15??? on top of the normal $10/hr?! ccb. and the point was. i only caught ONE frigging prawn. pissed. this kinda suay things only happen to the clumsy cow man...... sheesh.

Belated Bday Post

went shopping with girls from school and they pampered and showered me with lots of love and belated presents!!.... those poor girls only ended their exams today, and so they only managed to celebrate my belated bday today.... i really don't blame them... and it was really really nice shopping for my OWN presents.... felt so wonderful! Bought ALOT of things with the budget they gave me.... and it felt so wonderful! it's like shopping for free! Far East Plaza is like a shopping heaven for Elastic tight belts and necklaces ah.... 3 for $10!!!!! omg! Or 2 for $20!!! 2 for $20 one is quite a catch man! cos it's for those class-ier looking belts... I bought a super lovely black dimante elastic belt which is super nice ah! looks so classy!....

and so i came back with a bagful of presents.... 4 belts (super chio!!), 1 necklace, 2 nail polish, 3 nail stickers, 1 lace tube, 1 lace bra! woohoo!

and of cos i also met up with yanwen on **Monday for a belated bday celebration and got a bday treat from her! went to a hk cafe which was average... but it was the company which really mattered.... the food wasn't our focus... hahahha i think we didn't even pay much attention to our food.... we just chatted ALLL the way for 3 hours..... chatting marathon! and it felt soooooooo good after the long chat.... it was like alot of things were suddenly lifted off from our chests.... we felt alot lighter after the talk....... tat's what best friends are for man... though we don't meet much, our bond will always be there.... and i got a super lovely tube dress from her (in the photo above)!!! all my frens commented it looked super nice on me ah! Thanks girl! i can always trust your taste! heheh.....

and of cos, not to forget, the very expensive bday dinner treat from Lynn, Rach and May!! the atmosphere there was fantastic! shall bring my bf there someday to try the rest of the atas food on the menu which non of us could understand.... hur....

Thank you girls, for the wonderful bday memories you guys never fail to give me....... love all my girlfriends to bits!

Taurus' Traits: Positive Traits: PATIENCE DETERMINATION LOGIC INDUSTRY SENSUALITY Negative Traits:LANGUOR GLUTTONY PREJUDICE COMPLACENCY INTRACTABILITY JEALOUSY Oh my god, the negative trait part about GLUTTONY is like so damn 100% true man....

Pieces Traits:

Positive Traits:

UNDERSTANDING
COMPATIBILITY
PERCEPTION
AWARENESS
CREATIVITY
SPIRITUALITY

Negative Traits:

DIFFIDENCE
SMUGNESS
LACK OF WILL
FEARFULNESS
RAGE
INDECISION

These Negative Traits about Pieces shocked me ah.... it's ALL TRUE about the boyfriend.... omg...... like so damn bloody true ah... ALL TRUE!!! amazed..... though the smugness is something i like about the bf....i find it quite cute when he tries to show off..... hahahah.... the positive traits are quite true though i don't think my bf has the spirituality in him... hur...

Taureans never slap or sting. Rather, they creep up on you, affect you deeply and leave their indelible impression on your soul. Think of Taurus as a long sensual kiss. A huge tender bear hug. Or an eiderdown on a cold alpine night. Taureans are warm (but sometimes stodgy) customers.Taurus people make excellent executives. They love money and enjoy earning piles of it. When a Taurus person gets rich, he hangs on to his money, investing it in sound stocks and bonds, building solid houses, and even storing gold sovereigns in a mattress. The key word here is substantial. Taureans do not have confidence in lightheadedness. Frivolity doesn't come naturally to them. Many Taureans work with their hands. Even if a Taurus is a computer expert and seems more cerebral than manual, nine times out of ten there is a hidden craft or hobby lurking behind the scenes. Taureans enjoy forging beautiful things from natural materials. In fact, they are attracted to all sorts of beauty. Music thrills them. Flowers enchant them. The countryside seduces them. And art is their natural habitat. Taureans are forever building their own workshops and renovating barns and old churches. They are not only home-loving, they like to get their hands into the cement and slather on the plaster, if only for the tangible joy of playing in the mud. Taureans do not take kindly to sudden change. They like to be wherever they are supposed to be when it is time to be there. Taureans readily adjust to routine and for that reason make fabulous employees. Precipitous and unexpected events requiring flexibility and resilience may cause Taureans to dig in their hooves and refuse to budge. Bulls are obstinate and determined to hold their ground. It is wiser not to try to talk Taurus out of a sulk. Just let him paw the earth and snort and seethe on his own. Take a tranquilizer and a walk. Soon, when the inevitable becomes blatantly inevitable, Taurus will budge of his own accord, come out of his sulk and go with the flow. Sensuality belongs to Taurus. Wherever there is pleasure you will find a Taurean plunk in the middle of it all. They love to bask in the "good life." Taureans cannot resist the tug of the opposite sex. When an attractive newcomer arrives on the scene, count on Taurus to see to it that the outsiders have a drink, are made comfortable and have slipped Taurus a telephone number or two. Taureans are amorous and romantic without being flighty or maudlin. They are tender and don't mind public displays of affection. Love and all of its expressions appeal to the Bull. Taureans can be counted on to stray a bit where sex is concerned, but they never flaunt their infidelities and usually avoid sticky extracurricular entanglements. If you love a Taurus, feed him.

This is really quite true ah....especially the part about Taurueans not liking changes and liking beautiful things..... it's really quite true.... all of my good friends around me are above average looking, i just realised..... hahaha... really! i'm serious... and the bf will say, "ya, true! tat applies for me too!" hahahaha....

hmmmm haven't felt so at ease in a long long time........ been enjoying my hols so far except for the practicing piano and getting scolded by the piano teacher part...... haizZz...... but the hols are so often short-lived..... and life will start becoming hectic in july..... with piano and work clashing........

started getting addicted to mahjong recently since i just started learning mahjong a few months ago........ and finally met up with the jjam ppl... hahaha... jjam..... a term i've not used in 10 thousand years.... yep, met up with them at Mitch's place for a session of mahjong...... felt a little awkward with them at first... since i haven't been joining them for i think like, 5 yrs? but everything started settling down after i showed them the long long long forgotten photos from the past... hahaha... they were quite shocked i had such a big pile of band plus jjam photos with me.....

anyway, it was fun, nostalgic, and memories flooded me so suddenly.... the fishing or crabbing, bishan park, soccer at limbang park, playing ali-pom at teck whye... so many things.... they're still the same, as funny as ever.... i've long forgotten all the bad memories and look forward to a better friendship with them....well, hopefully i've got time after i start working to meet up with friends.... i really hope i won't be so suppressed by work i dont even have time for myself, much less for friends......

well, looking for mahjong kakis.....hahahah..... mahjong anyone??

New Skin!

on a lighter note..... i've done up my new blogskin........ too bright for my preference though.... i like it a little more gloomy... but it'll do for now.........

shedding hair like nobody's business.... constant throbbing pain on my back and neck...... head feels heavy all the time..... feel like puking now....... am i dying?

finding suitable blog skins for my blog........ cos i itchy backside changed my blog template..... and can't find back my old blog template...... hmmmm..... irritated....

i tried so hard to be heard, but i just ended up with a wall. i tried so hard to be un-feeling, but i ended up feeling the most....

it's so hard being me...... so hard to be just me..... can i be someone else? will it be better? will it be better if i'm very very bad tempered so i'll just flare up whenever i can, and not end up feeling so suffocated in the end? maybe if i'm so bad tempered the whole world will give in to me, and not the other way round instead.... i'm always the one giving in to everybody, every single one......

will it be better if i dont feel anything, if i'm just as unfeeling, insensitive like him? will it be better if i don't get so bothered easily? but he was always the one who made me smile with earnest, always the one who can make my day, always the one who'd seen my ups and downs.... but he's also always the one who can make me so angry, so so so angry that i never knew i could be so angry with anyone.... i seriously can't be angry with anyone for longer than a day..... i swear......anytime after a day i'll just forget the whole damn thing, only to remember a few months later after some reminding.... but he's always all out to break my record.........

angry baby... damn cute... i'm as angry as this baby.... pissed...hur...

these 2 pics made my day better........ hmph....... but i'm still seething.......seething mad....

everyone has their limits, and mine's always way above the others. and my limit broke time and time again. i really dont know when i'll burst. just burst. i can't stand those ignorings anymore. not anymore. i can't stand it when i'm so fucking ignored. i can't stand it when he's playing games ALL THE FUCKING TIME. FUCK! ALL THE FUCKING TIME! i swear! or maybe it's just me! whenever he sees me he just get so fucking tired, fucking sick of me he just resort, reduce to his games! so it's just me you're tired of right?! i can be at his hse, be right beside him, but his focus will FOREVER BE on his psp game, handphone game, playstation game, computer game. on every games except me. i can be right there, but not there at all. i really can't stand it. can any girls stand it? can anyone stand it? on the MRT, at his house, at my house, outside, stopping after a walk, resting at a cafe, while waiting for movies. GAMES GAMES GAMES GAMES GAMES!!!! ARCADE! PSP! FUCK LAH!

i've really had enough of this. enough is enough. my limit broke time and time again. i really can't stand it anymore. it's not like i've not given any warning. i've told him 10 thousand times. he doesn't really seem to care. so why should i? i'm giving up. giving up. i've had enough. if not, i'll burst. in flames of anger. in flames of fumes. just burst. you can't imagine how angry i am. how angry. fucking pissed. fucking disappointed. i'm not even sad anymore. just gave up being sad. being sad doesn't help. it just makes you feel worst. it's alot better when you're pissed. alot better when you turn everything into hate. pure hate.

been shopping like crazy these few days for work clothes....... and i think i got to stop....... i never felt much for the Great Singapore Sale a few years back... but now i'm starting to understand why office ladies go crazy for this sale.... cos it's really for the Office Ladies ah.... all work clothes at half price..... how can they not grab it? and now, i've become one of the very ppl i despised when i was younger.... "look at those aunties/ladies grabbing those clothes like siao" now i know how those ppl feel..... cos it's really alot cheaper than when they've got no sales ah? i went shopping before the sales, saw a top i really like at $40. GSS came and the top was on sale for only $20. HOW TO NOT GRAB? and even work PANTS leh. for frigging 16bucks. i remembered before sales was 40plus also lor... now more than 50% discount!.... tell me where to find work pants under 20bucks?! plus this is grey striped pants! not those typical black ugly pants!

and i've got a great news to announce! hur... i've just gotten a 200bucks Starhub voucher! YIPPEEE!!! i can either buy a new phone, OR change it into $200 Robinsons Voucher!! YAY-ness! and since i've no intention of changing my handphone anytime soon..... i'll change it into Robinsons voucher! Just nice for the GSS!! this voucher saved my arse....... Cos i intended to borrow 200bucks (confirm not enough) from my mum to shop for work clothes.... so now dont need liao! i am so frigging lucky.... hmmmmmmmm but Robinsons sale ah..... abit difficult to find cheap clothes.... all the clothes all up market one... not very suitable for a poor fresh graduate like me....... but still, it's TWO HUNDRED bucks.... just go grab something....

i hate the piano. period. i hate piano lessons, piano exams, piano vivoires or watever u call that, piano whatever shit. and now i've got to perform at a piano concert, AGAIN. fuck. after avoiding the teacher for so long, it has finally come down to this. she has just forced me to perform at her concert, again. giving me undue stress for nothing. pissed. i've been trying to avoid this topic like crazy, telling her i've got other commitments or whatever. she win already. she called my mum to ask. she knows the only way to get me is via my mum. my mum will nag until i DIE. ARGH! and the damn concert is nxt nxt wk. fucking hell. then my Genting how?! angry angry angry. I don't want to perform, i really don't want. i really suck at piano, period.