i tried so hard to be heard, but i just ended up with a wall. i tried so hard to be un-feeling, but i ended up feeling the most....

it's so hard being me...... so hard to be just me..... can i be someone else? will it be better? will it be better if i'm very very bad tempered so i'll just flare up whenever i can, and not end up feeling so suffocated in the end? maybe if i'm so bad tempered the whole world will give in to me, and not the other way round instead.... i'm always the one giving in to everybody, every single one......

will it be better if i dont feel anything, if i'm just as unfeeling, insensitive like him? will it be better if i don't get so bothered easily? but he was always the one who made me smile with earnest, always the one who can make my day, always the one who'd seen my ups and downs.... but he's also always the one who can make me so angry, so so so angry that i never knew i could be so angry with anyone.... i seriously can't be angry with anyone for longer than a day..... i swear......anytime after a day i'll just forget the whole damn thing, only to remember a few months later after some reminding.... but he's always all out to break my record.........