oh my god.

i'm in for it. i'm dead. these past 3 days have been hell for me. really hell. cos i din touch my books AT ALL. oh no. the whole world was topsy turvy.

my family quarrelled like fuck on thursday. they FOUGHT to be exact. and i really mean punches and everything. everyone was shouting all at once, and i don't know why all was aimed at me. i couldn't take it anymore and just left my hse, giving a damn lame excuse tat i'm gonna study with my frens. in the middle of the night at 1230am. cool. i realised i was left to bear the loneliness, ALONE. i totally forgot that i haven been in contact with my sec. sch frens for a hell long time. i couldn't bare to bow down to them and plead them to let me into their hse in the middle of the night. it'd be like begging to almost strangers. the worst thing was i totally forgot i quarrelled with my boyfren too. and he's in camp, so there was no way for me to go his hse in the middle of the night and just wait for him to open the door for me like i used to.

then i decided to call my jc frens. but realised i could only call sam, he'd be the only one who'd on me at once. but i'd be alone with him. and it's just not right. i didn't wanna bother anyone anymore after realising that all my frens wont be able to meet me in the middle of the night. i called xiaojun too, hoping that she'd go out with her frens to eat supper, so i'd have company till 5plus. but she din go out with her frens tat night. haiz.

i was left alone. i talked to my bf over the phone trying to find a place for me to sleep. he wanted me to go his hse just like tat. but i din want it. cos it's a crazy idea to go his hse at 1 plus and wake his whole family up. so. there i was loitering my neighbourhood from 12 plus to 2 plus till i decided to go eat supper at the 24hrs kopitiam near westmall. i took my own time to walk allllllllllll the way there. ate. and slept there. till 5.30 before walking all the way back to nature park area to take cab. so sucks. finally reached his hse at 6.30 when his parents all left for work. slept at 7am. and woke up at 6pm in the evening when my bf came hm. a day was wasted just like tat.

all the while when i was left alone. i had lots of time to think alot of things.

i was thinking; why did my life turn out like tat? it wasn't like that when i was in my sec sch. whenever i felt down i could just call any of my frens and they'd come and meet me. and i don't need to think whether it's my responsibility or not to meet a guy in the middle of the night.

i wished my bf was with me that night, i wouldn't have felt so bad. i wouldn't have thought that i would need frens. i realised i don't really have frens afterall. i felt so so so so lonely. lonely. lonely.