I seriously asked him if he still love me... he said he needs time to think about the question... and i waited and waited.. but he'd fell asleep... he tormented me the whole night.. i kept thinking and thinking why he still have to think about the question.. why.. if he'd asked me the same question i wouldn't even need to think.. i'd say yes, i love you, i love you even more now, more than in the past, cos i've found out tat my life is not complete without you.. but WHY?? WHY DO YOU HAVE TO THINK?? if you have to think, then i dun think u need to answer me anymore.. i alrdy know the answer...

when i looked back at those msgs he msged me in the past, a year or so ago.. those msgs were so sweet... i knew then, tat i was loved by him... but now.. when i read his msgs... they always reflect the same thing, he cant be bothered with me.. he doesn't love me anymore.. he's getting too cold..

we don't do alot and alot of things we used to do in the past anymore.. he doesnt do things for me anymore.. all along i've been trying so hard to change my temper.. i even said sorry.. i even tried to cajole him in public.. but he just ignored me... he's getting pettier and pettier by the day.. he wont say sorry anymore..cant be bothered anymore..

when was the last time u patted me to sleep?

when was the last time we cuddled in public and not only in bed?

when was the last time u gave me 'password'?

when was the last time u willingly said good night?

when was the last time we had a very very good talk wif laughter?

when was the last time u bought me a small gift?

when was the last time u held my waist?

when was the last time u sqeezed my hand to give me assurance?

when was the last time u comforted me when i cried?

when was the last time u called me ur baobei and ur 'dear little wan'?

when was the last time u called me ur 'sayang'?

when was the last time u said you missed me?

when was the last time we watched a movie?

when was the last time u made me feel im the most important person to you in the world?

when was the last time u asked where i was and why so late still dun wanna go home?

when was the last time u cared?

when was the last time u initiated a msg, (excluding telling me u reached hm alrdy or going hm soon), to ask wat im doing now?

when was the last time i really felt loved by you??

all these seems ages and ages and ages ago...

是否很惊讶,讲不出说话
没错我是说,你想分手吗
曾给你驯服到 就像绵羊
何解会反咬你一下

你知吗?
回头望 伴你走
从来未曾幸福过
赴过汤 蹈过火
沿途为何没爱河
下半生 陪住你
怀疑快乐也不多
没有心 别再拖
好心一早放开我.

从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
没有好处还是我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破


是否不甘心
首先给撇下
换了你是我
你忍得到吗
捱得过无限次
寂寞凌迟
人心态早己看得化, 也可怕


从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
直接不过承认错
若勉强也分到不多
不如甚么也摔破
难捱就无谓再拖
好心一早放开我

从头努力也坎坷
通通不要好过
来年岁月那么多
为继续而继续
没有好处还是我
若注定有一点苦楚
不如自己亲手割破

他不爱我

牵手的时候太冷清

拥抱的时候不够靠近

他不爱我

说话的时候不够认真

沉默的时候又太用心

我知道他不爱我
他的眼神

说出他的心

我看透了他的心

还有别人逗留的背影

他的回忆

清除得不够干净

我看到了他的心

演的全是他和她的电影

他不爱我尽管如此

他还是赢走了我的心

你还爱我吗？一直很想问你这句话。
却又怕听见你真实的回答。
你还爱我吗？
为何你总是不说话？
Hubby...
你到底还爱我吗？
没想到，当我问你这句话时，
你竟然说你要想。
我就在那里等了又等，
一直在那里等着你的回答。
没想到，你竟然睡着了。

不必回答了，
我已知道答案了。

你和我就差距在这里，
你永远都是那么拖泥带水。
你和我就差距在这里，
因为我知道，
换成是我，
我一定说我爱你，
而且爱得更多，
永远也不会变。

我请愿你快点说出来，
也不要折腾我一整个晚上。
我请愿你爽快地说出来.
减轻我的痛苦

CANT U SEE IM JUST SO DAMN BORED TO GO SWIMMING AND SHOPPING ALONE.. AND NOTICE SO CAREFULLY WAT EVERY SINGLE PERSON ARE DOING.. argh

im so damn tired... woke up early in the morning for tuition... went cck to swim after tat... and i was stupid to go swimming at 12pm. felt dumb. the sun was scorching hot.. i could actually feel i was sweating when i was swimming.. broke my record today.. swam 1000m in less than an hr.. JUST COS A BITCH WAS COMPETING WIF ME... bloody hell.. she kept looking and looking and looking behind, beside, infront for me.. and kept looking at me when she was swimming.. as in, swim then turn her head (really damn obvious) and see if im faster or she's faster those kind.. and she made it so damn obvious ah.. i got so pissed and just swam and swam and swam without stopping just to get back at her and made sure she was behind me all the while..
anyway, i was childish to compete wif her.. now im regretting..whole body aching like mad.. im such a dumb ass at times..

went lot1 for lunch and decided to pamper my skin, body, and hair... went watsons and bought a hair treatment dono wat pill.. and a facial mask.. wanted something for my burnt face.. but no money!!..ended up spending 15bucks..think this 15bucks are going to be so wasted.. oh well, i really dono why i spend money on such things for.. i just use them for like, 2-3 days and i give up.. too lazy... and got one stupid saleswoman kept asking and asking and asking me to buy her facial product.. kept saying it's damn cheap (hello 40bucks for one small bottle).. i can buy TWO olay regenerist ah.. (just saw the discount..23+ only!).. anyway, the lady dared to say i got alot
雀斑 on my face.. hello.. i know my face very lan, but it's only alot of pimples, not
雀斑 ok!!... she kept saying "
这个产品买得很好" only left one.. i can bet if i come back tml she will still say only left one.. she shud take a look at her own face ah.. if her product is so damn good i dun see why her face will have so much more black spots than me.. PISSED..

...PMS GIRL...

也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后 我的天空 星星都亮了我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使 张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里 幸福和快乐是结局

if my bf will say these to me.. i think
我死也会暝目....

Was listening to 933
音乐日记.. they were playing some old songs... and once again, i felt the all so familiar pang of pain in my heart as i felt the cold wind blew across my face when i was walking home.. felt so nostalgia all of a sudden...

suddenly remembered those days when i was down... back then in sec sch.. when i took 185 (now 985) and alighted near nature park... and either walked all the way home.. (quite a distance) or walked right into nature park... i'd listen to my radio.. listen to yin yue ri ji..and let my thoughts just run about.. most of the time i'd cry and walk.. and dono why... most of the time.. the weather was always about-to-rain those kinda weather.. i always felt my mood can affect the weather... ok, im stupid, but i just THOUGHT, cos just so happened it's always like tat..

now.. somehow.. just somehow, i wish i'd get back to those days.. i dono why.. i like to feel the breeze against my face...never fail to make me feel like crying.. those were the days when many things were happening and i'd always be feeling sad.. those were the days when i had the courage to walk into nature park alone in the middle of the night.. just to sit by the lake... and look at the reflection by the lake's lights... and just looking at the cliffs.. a beautiful place wif beautiful scenery... one can find their peace there.. but one can also feel terribly sad there... cos those cliffs made u feel so so so small and alone...so lonely..

i think im an attention seeker in my own way.. i'd always like to 'wallow in tears'.. and sometimes i'd like to make it known to my frens.. so i can get the attention tat i think i've always lacked, or always dun have..but i'd NEVER cry infront of them.. i'll just msg my frens tat im damn sad... back then in sec sch.. i used to get jealous at all the attention my frens around me will get, just by crying. maybe tat's why i hate crying.. i used to think it was a way to seek attention...but tat was then when i was still so childish.. i realised crying is really a way to get rid of all of ur troubles, for some minutes.. and it's also a way to express our ultimate ultimate heartaches... BUT i used to have alot of frens who LOVE crying infront of a whole TONNE of ppl.. and i mean TONNE.. they wun cry infront of only 1 or 2 ppl.. they'll purposely cry infront of at least 7-8 ppl...e.g: band time. and tat's when i get damn pissed... i wun even bother comforting those ppl.. i wun even bother to crowd ard them... they love to make known tat they just broke up wif some bfs, or their pets just died or something.. and tat's when i really really really hate ppl crying.. but i realised im so childish! ok.. maybe i hate to see ppl cry cos it makes me wanna cry as well, and i dun wanna cry..

anyway,
音乐日记 was playing this song..

手牵手一步两步三步四步望着天
看星星一颗两颗三颗四颗连成线
背对背默默许下心愿
看远方的星是否听得见
它一定实现

hearing this song reminded me of the day u asked to hold my hands in nature park.. so stupid yet so cute.. 'can i hold ur hand?'

such a funny question to ask... i mean, he shouldnt even have asked.. shud have just grabbed my hand.. but his dumbness was wat attracted me too..

love my bf sooo much... he was the one who let me know wat bliss really is.. and wat love really is too.. but ironically.. he was also the one who let me know wat ultimate anger and ultimate heartbreaks really is too.. i nvr thought i'd ever feel such extreme emotions towards someone.. but HUBBY was the special one..

i've nvr said this to you before in real person.. but i really thank you.. thank you for letting me have a taste of bliss, sweetness.. and in short,
酸甜苦辣... most of it shud be bittersweetness.. anyway.. thanks alot!! for always being there for me! for always listening to me nag and nag and nag abt somethings.. for always being my punching bag whenever i feel like it.. and esp when im feeling down... seriously, i dunno why.. i'd feel damn paiseh if i were to say all these to u in ur face.. so i'd better put it down in my blog.. BUT anyway.. u wun read my blog.. *phew* so i wun feel so paiseh..

I need a list of vocabs for chinese
作文.... as in,
作文运用词...

know wat i mean?? :P

as in wat phrases to describe rain, sun, happy, sad, old.... watever..

eg:
风和日丽
雷电交加
倾盆大雨
兴高采烈
迎面而来

hello anymore???? pls put in my chatbox.... thanks.. i need ALOT of these phrases for zuowen usage... my p6 is really.. hopeless.. goodness.. i think she's gonna flunk and her mum's gonna sack me.. i think my p3 kid's chinese is soooooooooooo much better than her!! and THEIR SA's COMING SOON!! GOSH!

ya... i've been holding on to ur hands all these yrs.. we always hold hands.. and just hold hands... and just keep quiet as we walk... wherever we walk.. though our hands are held together... our minds are always strayed away... we dun talk.. we just walked and walked and walked... we hold our hands even when we're not happy wif each other... i held ur hands even when im with my frens or even when u're wif urs... i held ur hands when i was scared.. i held ur hands when i needed comfort... but similarly.. i held ur hands even when im angry with you.. i held ur hands even when u dun talk to me... i just held on...holding hands even became our trademark... ppl always say we just stick together like glue.. our hands seemed to be glued.. ya.. just our hands... only our hands... physically... but i nvr knew wat was going on up there in ur head when u held my hands and kept ur silence... u just kept silent... just din say anything.. sometimes i wish ur thoughts can transmit thru my hands.. thru our fingers.. i can dig into wat u're thinking about.. i can share ur woes.. but our fingers seemed to turn itself into a lock when we locked our fingers together... it locked away ur thoughts.. it locked away our emotions.. it just locked them all inside our hands... holding hands seems worthless now... we just hold hands for the sake of doing it...

hey ron and lynn.. tell u guys the truth.. i've nvr really looked into the lyrics of the immortal till u guys introed it to me yesterday night.. and i really realised.. its so damn true.. it fits.. for every girls who gave their all for their love ones.. for all the girls out there who hanged at every single words their bf said.. for all the girls who's always been there for their bf.. who always seemed to be the only one whose excited by everything... for all girls out there... lyrics fit.. so perfectly into every single relationship..

I'm so tired of being here.

Suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave,

I wish that you would just leave.

cause your presence still lingers here.

And it won't leave me alone.

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have

all of me

You used to captivate me

By your resonating life

Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind

Your face, it haunts

My once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away

All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

But though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

And I held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

But though you're still with me. I've been alone all along. -my immortal- evanesence.

how true.. really.. how true..

im really such a failure. i've failed terribly. Realised it was my mistake all awhile. My life is so controlled by everyone around me. i feel like a puppet. and realised all along, i've always been a puppet. all my movements, watever i do, are all controlled by others. be it my bf, frens, or family. i can never balance them all.

frens: i know i've always disappointed you guys.. by always rejecting.. by always being the wet blanket.. by always being the wimp.. im sorry.. so terribly sorry.. i know im those sort of person who'll nvr be there when my frens need me.. cos i'm always bounded by some reasons or another.. i always give excuses..im always not there..

bf: i know.. i've always disappointed you too... i've always done things that you don't like.. things that you dun like always happened to be wat i used to want to do.. or things that my frens ask me to do.. but i've realised watever i do.. i can nvr balance out between all 3 of them.. i always feel that im so fully utilised by everyone.. even my little bro knows how to manipulate me..

family: i've been a great disappointment in my family too.. i'm nvr home.. i've nvr played my part as a good daughter, as a good sis.. im nvr there when my bro needs help for homework.. i'll nvr be there when my mum has got tonnes of hsework to do.. and i'm always the one whose spending most of the money at home.. while nvr contributing anything.. but when im home.. i cant be with my bf and frens.. and when im wif my bf.. i cant be wif my frens and family..

take for example yesterday.. i had just less than a bottle of drink at holland v wif lynn and veron.. cos i knew that veron is feeling so down.. and i just wanna be there for her.. i just wanted to accompany as a fren.. but i contradicted my vow to my bf that i'll wont drink.. and when im out wif them.. my mum called.. saying my bro's been waiting for me to get home to teach him his homework.. and so i contradicted my vow tat i wanna be a good sis..

i think i've lost myself.. im not even me anymore.. i dono wat i am now... im just ppl's push-around..

maybe this is just retribution.. maybe i shouldn't have stopped my bf frm smoking in the first place.. to say the truth.. i know i've been very hard on him to ask him to quit smoking.. it's been so long alrdy.. and i've always been controlling his number of cigarettes ever since we got together... thruout the years.. i've given in at times.. letting him a puff or 2 when i felt like it.. but that was about all.. and now... i myself is being controlled by so many things in life..

maybe i should have just stopped controlling him... and now in return im controlled by many more things.. i guess it was the biggest mistake of my life..

the conversation wif him just now left me speechless.. left me wondering wat the hell my life is really about... i told him i went drinking wif my frens, but just a little... really a little.. he kept quiet.. i knew he was pissed.. and i asked him... he said no. he's not pissed. just said 'nvm, frm now on, i wun control you anymore, and u dun control me either'. i knew this was coming.. but i WANT to be controlled by him! cos i want to control him! i want to stop him smoking! but im contradicting myself! cos i want to drink wif my frens if need be!! i want to be there for my frens when they are down!! and drink down their sorrows wif them! i want to be the old me!!

but he just went on and on abt not wanting to control me anymore.. i dunt want.. i want him to control me.. i dun want him to talk this way.. i hate him to talk this way.. i really do.. i know he's affected.. i know he's saying wat he doesnt mean,.,. but why must he say them out loud just to throw my faults right into my face? he's trying to say tat it's been my own doings all these while by controlling him!! and now i know how he feels when he's controlled!

someone tell me what shud i do when he tells me "i dun wanna control you anymore, im not pissed. seriously, im not angry! just go and do watever you want, then u dun come and bother wat ever i do" how the hell am i supposed to answer tat.. wat can i say?? i din say anything.. tears just flowed.. and flowed..

all my life i've been such a let down.. to everyone i know.. not even my bf understands me.. all my life i've been contradicting myself. i control ppl, yet i dun wanna be controlled by ppl, yet i also let myself get controlled by ppl.. i dun think anyone knows wat the fuck im talking abt..

You scored as Romantic Kisser. Good for you! You know how to kiss and hopefully you have a certain someone to experience a serge of happiness with. If not, it doesnt hurt to flirt kiss a little hehe. Just dont get carried away. Romantic kissing is always a plus! Kissing is an art keep it up and youll be really good! Romantic Kisser 69% Yippy Ki Yay! 38% Dont quit your day job... 31% How good do you kiss? created with QuizFarm.com

Im aching alllll over... i went running on Sunday night.. and ached all over till now.. i only ran for like 20mins around my estate... really really lack of stamina.. i realised i can swim so much more than i can run... gosh.. BUT AFTER RUNNING I HAD SUPPER WIF MY DAD!!! ARGH!!! so wats the whole bloody point of the run.. im such a shit ass. stupid. no brain. glutton. and im still aching till now.. how loserish.. anyway.. had crystal jade yesterday night wif my bf.. and realised i got sick of the suan la mian... real sick.. couldn't even finish it.. maybe had it to many times alrdy... we ordered one xiao long bao and one chilli oil dumplings. and he ordered another bowl of noodles too. we are pigs. gluttons times 2. gluttons to the power of 2. there goes my run. got so tired for nothing. and he din find the food at crystal jade nice at all. only the xiao long bao. he just said "ok la".

actually.. i felt quite hurt.. i've been trying so hard all these while just to find something that he really really will love to eat.. whenever he said that some food is nice.. i'll feel so damn happy and accomplished.. i dono why.. i will just feel so happy.. "wow.. my bf loves this food.. i must buy this often for him..." but it's like he nvr love any food at all.. he doesn't like everything i eat.. and i always try eating watever he likes.. i always try to bring him to new places to find wat he likes to eat.. he doesn't seem to like any food.. every food to him is like "ok la".. i know once when he ate something nice.. his eyes glittered.... he will say "wah best best best... " i found it damn cute.. i'd love to see that look on his face agn.... a lost expression.. an expression that i couldn't find back.. no matter how hard i tried..

i mean, there must be SOMETHING that he really likes right

??? tat will keep him eating and eating agn and agn rite?? like me.. i like beef noodles, i like nydc, i love cheese, i like churros! but he hates churros to the core!! i simply cant understand why!.. he hates too much cheese too! i dono wat he likes! sometimes i feel im such a failure.. i know he likes xiang chang frm pasa malam.. but when i asked him yest, (cos i te di went all the way to find a pasa malam and bought a xiang chang for him), he said he finds it "ok" only.. dashed my heart.. broke my heart.. felt so disappointed.. i thought i knew my bf well..

i know he loves tiramisu.. but whenever i asked him he will also say.. "i find it ok only la" haizz....

do u guys know wat im talking abt or not?? i mean, the "high" u get when u know ur bf loves something so much?? ESPECIALLY when the BOTH of u love to eat the SAME kind of food?? how i wish and wish for that day to come.. then we can share our joy together when we are enjoying our favourite food.. then we can share the craves we will get in the middle of the night for THE food.. so cool right...

Suntec...

Me and Vel at Suntec... nice place to take pics!!

Me and Vel's Garfield...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Fifth Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	Low
Level 2 (Lustful)	Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Low
Level 7 (Violent)	High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Low

Take the Dante's" Inferno Hell Test

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Carine Wan Kai Lin
Birthday:	19th May
Birthplace:	S'pore
Current Location:	Hougang
Eye Color:	JET BLACK
Hair Color:	oh, tinted hair now.. used to be damn black..
Height:	167cm
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Chinese, im a bloody cheena..
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Sandals i think..
Your Weakness:	too soft hearted. :P low self esteem
Your Fears:	height. exciting rides.
Your Perfect Pizza:	errrrrr..... damn cheesy pizza..
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	get into uni.
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	"oh i see.." "anyways.."
Thoughts First Waking Up:	I WANT TO SLEEP LONGER
Your Best Physical Feature:	nuthing. im just an ugly bitch.
Your Bedtime:	ANYTIME. i can sleep anywhere anytime.
Your Most Missed Memory:	Band times..
Pepsi or Coke:	coke..
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Mac..
Single or Group Dates:	single..
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	lipton ice tea
Chocolate or Vanilla:	chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:	neither..
Do you Smoke:	nope
Do you Swear:	yes, often
Do you Sing:	yes, always go kboxing
Do you Shower Daily:	yes.
Have you Been in Love:	yes, still am.
Do you want to go to College:	went alrdy.
Do you want to get Married:	yes.
Do you belive in yourself:	nope.. as i've said..i've got low self esteem..
Do you get Motion Sickness:	YES, OFTEN, IF NT WATS THE USE OF MY MEDICATED OIL.
Do you think you are Attractive:	NOPE. LOW SELF ESTEEM REMEMBER?!!
Are you a Health Freak:	NOPE.
Do you get along with your Parents:	sometimes, but rather seldom.
Do you like Thunderstorms:	nope. im afraid of lightnings.
Do you play an Instrument:	yes. i can play a few. Piano, Tuba, Guitar, percussion maybe? violin, auxilliary percussion, saxaphone frm do to so, and of cos, recorder. BAHA.
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	nope.
In the past month have you Smoked:	nope.
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	nope.
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	yes.
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	yes.
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	nope.
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	yes.
In the past month have you been on Stage:	nope.
In the past month have you been Dumped:	nope.
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	nope.
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	nope.
Ever been Drunk:	yes.
Ever been called a Tease:	nope.
Ever been Beaten up:	nope.
Ever Shoplifted:	nope.
How do you want to Die:	peacefully.
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	damn fucking rich.
What country would you most like to Visit:	Egypt. Italy. ANYWHERE BUT S'PORE
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	anything. black.
Favourite Hair Color:	anything.
Short or Long Hair:	SHORT AH.
Height:	TALL.
Weight:	fat fat. chubby hubby!
Best Clothing Style:	ah? slack.
Number of Drugs I have taken:	oh alot. frm doctors ah.
Number of CDs I own:	few.
Number of Piercings:	had 5, became 2.
Number of Tattoos:	none.
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	regret not studying for A levels.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

I am so so so gonna die of diabetes someday.. i down sweet/gasy drinks (to put in exact, iced lemon tea) like im drinking plain water... i really shud learn frm vel and carry a bottle of water whereever i go.. but even if i bring my bottle along i wouldn't drink it!! i'd probably fill it up wif ribena or something... ARGH. im going to die of rotten fingers and toes.. oh man.. yucks..

i love iced lemon tea... argh............

my life is so unproductive.. stagnant.. boring.. no life.. haizzZZZz...

im bored..



maybe shud i try to write novels wif my so bloody bad english?


pls.. someone stop me.. if i start.. everyone's gonna throw rotten eggs at me..

my life WAS happening... WAS...

All my life i've just always been the person who gets pushed around by everyone.. I live my life for others.. all my life i've always been the middle-man.. and always get into alot of undeserved troubles for that.. im always the one who solves other ppl's woes and troubles.. everyone but myself.. im always the one who listens to their troubles, be their listening post.. im always the one behind the scenes to help pull strings for many couples.. i was always the one who will be willing to sacrifice whoever i had crush on, to any of my good friends.. but it always came to a point such that whenever i needed help, no one seems to be there... till now.. at least i've got my bf to rely on... or do i?


suddenly felt like a loser.. and realised i've been a real loser all these while.. being the soft-hearted-push-around-dun-dare-to-do-anything-carine. or was i really really like tat? i remembered a couple of times when i did flare up.. but tat was only once in a blue moon... someone tell me whether is this a good thing or a bad thing? and yes, i admit. i dun have my own opinions. my opinions are my fren's opinions. my sense of fashion was influenced by all my friends combined. or do i EVEN HAVE ANY SENSE OF FASHION?

or am i just a pessismist? if i am, im a very good one.

and i only vent my frustrations on my family members. sometimes i really feel so sorry but i cant bare to say it out. i dun dare. i dun like to talk to them nicely, makes me feel awkward. cos they really are the dearest to me. i know im just a very very bad daughter and sis. i cant help it. i always scream at my alrdy-so-ke-lian lil' bro.. he's always alone at hm.. he doesn't have anyone to talk to except us.. whom only goes hm occasionally.. whom will only scream at him when we go home..minxiong really sleeps very very very late at night.. at ard 12..or later... sometimes i really wonder if he's actually waiting for me or my bro to go hm so he'll have someone to talk to... and he really loves my bf.. LOVES... my bf is the only one who WONT EVER scold him.. and will always take care of him.. teach him phonics.. i always feel so damn guilty.. being his sister.. i wont even bother teaching him to read.. i wont even bother to talk to him.. it's nt tat i dun bother.. it's just tat i always get damn frustrated when im home.. i always wanna get out of the bloody hse and get out of the way of my mum's path.. she's a damn bloody good nagger.. she nags and nags and nags abt the same thing over and over agn... and wat's worst.. she always gets angry for NUTHING. i believe she might actually be going thru an early phase of geng nian qi. seriously, sometimes i really cant stand her. and her mood swings is like. once every min. she can be talking sooooooooooooooo damn nice this min, and ranting and ranting on and on the nxt. and one thing, i cant stand her superstitiousness. she stuffs dono-wat leaves in my bag, wallet everytime. sometimes i just throw them away. but i feel bad after tat. and she kept calling me to warn me abt April 9th, THE DAY when some disaster will happen. which is like tml ah. and she's arldy called me like, 5times today alrdy? to ask me to avoid going out tml if i can, to be careful when i go out, to stay in buildings if i do go out. GOD. STAY IN BUILDINGS. can u believe it. how superstitious can she be? and she actually goes to "wen shen" one lor. those ppl who invites spirits of monkey god or guan yin into their bodies. i really dono whether they are real or not, most prob rach will say they're nt, but sometimes i'd rather believe there's such things than there isn't, rite? just to be safe? i wouldnt' want to jump to such conclusions.

watching hse of fury made me want to listen to my mum more.. just in case wat she's been trying to tell me all these yrs have been true all the while.. but all along i've been saying she's bull-shitting..

hmmmmmm.... i love to read one of this fren's blog.. so nice... i love stories... she can be novel writer..and a good one too..

anyway, went out wif vel today.. so fun.. we watched house of fury.. quite nice show.. the fighting scenes are good.. are or were? the show's still showing rite? :P ate nydc in the afternoon and im still so damn full now.. I REALLY SHUD CUT DOWN ON THOSE CHEESE! I LOVE CHEESE! BUT MY CHEESE INTAKE IS REALLY!!!!!.. ARGH.. took some pics.. but too bad.. im at bf's hse now... cant post it on blog..

dono wat's wif my bf.. he keeps having to go work.. and he seems soooooooooo busy.. he even have to go work this sunday AGAIN... and maybe nxt sunday too..

im going swimming on monday night agn... cos most probably he'll be too tired to meet me on monday... veron u onz agn? :P lynn wanna go?? i need to shed some weight..

kbox2 photos------- http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/geo_a_go/album?.dir=c45e&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

kbox2!

kbox!

I am 18% evil. href="Take'>http://www.koolplace.com/tests/hell.php">Take the test

Those were the days.. my glory days.... all passed and away.. haizz... I think i looked so much more skinnier in the past.. and so much tanner.. and i think my section looks so shuai in the uniform and my tuba!!!! i love my HUGEEEEEE tuba.. though huge, heavy, and clumsy... my tuba was my best company in band.. haizz...

miss band so much...............

"Squad sediya!" "hanta gaki gi pat hanta!".. i used to shout these at my section and made them repeatedly redo these simple stunts.. i used to make them spin with their tubas till their head spinned.. i used to shout at them "heads up, stomach in, chest out!"

"do tat agn and u hanta 100 eights for me! is tat clear!!!" "YES MA'AM!"

Me, Zixian (Band leader) and Wei Jun (Assistant Section Leader).. my best pals in my section..

Marching in for SYF.. look at our shiny instruments..

Look at me and the BIG HUGE TUBA.. ME in action..

SUAVE!

Those were the days when I was skinnier.. HAIZ..

Me and Vel in uniform.. look how tanned i was..

Tuba Section..

me and Vel..

JJAM

JJAM plus neil and jason..

JJAM D KAVE JACKS

feel like shopping... dono why.. but no money!!... ARGHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh.... i wanna buy clothes.. shoes.. one of my heels caused me to fall down twice in town..all my shoes so damn slippery.. i need a skirt.. i need many many many tops.. i want guess jeans.. help me..

swimming was DAMN TIRING... im so bloody fucking tired now.. whole body aching.. gosh....... 1000m wasn't fer nuthing. I WANNA BLOODY SHED THOSE EXTRAS AROUND MY ABDOMEN! SPARE TYRE! BLOODY HELL! and my butt!!! ARGH! so fat and round i think anyone bump into my bum will fly!

anyway.. hubby poor thing.. so hardworking for wat.. work so hard for wat.. :P

Genting...

Finally knew how lynn did the collage thing... hehehe..

Such a cool and nice day to sleeppppp... feel sooooooo sleepy...

Had great fun talking to veron yesterday.. :P was supposed to go swimming but ended up going to my dad's place and ate and ate and ate.. we ate sOOO much.. such a sin.. anyway, met Arthur Kok at my Dad's stall.. so QIAO.. he was like: 'this is ur dad??? i always come here to eat at ur dad's stall!' and he turned and talked to my dad in CHINESE can u believe it.. hearing him say chinese is so FARNY. "wo jiao ta GP" and i think my dad treated him fish soup after tat.. my dad loves my teachers.. since primary school..

woke up so early this moring just to go for the DUMB basic theory lesson.. and its DUMB.. the instructor kept harping on his freak accident yesterday and din get ANYTHING done. I even got my pens and highlighters out so eager to learn something interesting.. and all i learnt was some stupid insurance things that wont be tested.. ya and i learnt wind can break windscreen of cars.. BLOODY helll.. waste of my time. and $$!!

I dono why but i hate this bitch called xiaxue though i've nvr met her before.. :P just DUN LIKE HER.

my best friend..

Suddenly miss my best friend alot when she sent me a link to all her photos...

Really miss those secondary school days and those days in band..

anyway, went bbdc just now and applied for driving.. gosh.. its damn ex.. i had to pay 120bucks up front.. and i heard frm my frens bbdc is twice more expensive than private driving lessons.. but anyway.. the passing rate at bbdc is also twice better.. :P and the time to finish the course is also so much faster... I HOPE. im so clumsy and dumb i hope i wun scare my driving tutor..

ANYWAY its still too early to say.. i haven even take the BASIC theory test yet.. I was given a whole bag of papers and books when I applied at bbdc just now.. and it got me all confused.. and the lady there said the nxt test is only available in april or may.. and that's DAMN LONG.. i just want to get this over and done with FAST..

IM BORED.

Tuition was fun.. Amanda is really sooooooooooo cute and intelligent.. she earned herself one sticker just now.. and when i told her that she could exchange 15stickers for a present her face totally lit up.. so cute!

my hippo!...

Genting was OK.. a little boring though.. cos i just went there like 6mths ago? All the things were the same.. but there was one new ride but I din dare to take it!!! I din take ALOT of rides man.. was hell scared.. ended up only rode on an elephant.. :P waste of money.. spent alot of money there... around 300+ singdollars.. lost money at the casino at the jackpot machines.. bloody hell..

1st day I was stopped by the stupid security guard at the casino.. damn.. do i look so baby- face? but thank goodness i was let in THE OTHER casino.. heh.. but now i wished i wasn't let in cos i lost so much money!

anyway, theme park on the second day was quite fun.... there was both indoor and outdoor.. but one thing... it was damn bloody cold at genting!.. and the fog was damn thick.. so half the time we were squinting thru fogs.. YA! i went SNOWCITY this time round! SO FUN!! me, my bf and my frens went running ard throwing snowballs at each other! SO FUN! and there was this ice slide in the snowcity.. so freaking scary! i was screaming all the way down.. DAMN SLIPPERY AND FAST!

anyway hubby bought me a cuteeeeeeeeeee hippo tat talks.. "I love you!" so cute!!! and he was soooo nice to slip it into my pouch as a surprise... WOOhh!!.. FIRST surprise ever!! i was soooooooo happy and touched... love you so much hubby!!..

anyway.. i've always thought having tuition sucked hard core.. i din know GIVING tuition sucked even more!.. especially if ur student is a philipino! ARGH. she's almost like a malay who doesnt know chinese at all! someone tell me how to teach such kids... and i've got a pri3 girl tml.. also teaching chinese.. only for 130 bucks.. 8 lessons a mth, 1 and half hr each.. tats like only 10.8 an hr? quite pathetic.. i've had tuition all my life since pri sch and i know the rates arent's so little.. :P

Genting was OK.. a little boring though.. cos i just went there like 6mths ago? All the things were the same.. but there was one new ride but I din dare to take it!!! I din take ALOT of rides man.. was hell scared.. ended up only rode on an elephant.. :P waste of money.. spent alot of money there... around 300+ singdollars.. lost money at the casino at the jackpot machines.. bloody hell..

1st day I was stopped by the stupid security guard at the casino.. damn.. do i look so baby- face? but thank goodness i was let in THE OTHER casino.. heh.. but now i wished i wasn't let in cos i lost so much money!

anyway, theme park on the second day was quite fun.... there was both indoor and outdoor.. but one thing... it was damn bloody cold at genting!.. and the fog was damn thick.. so half the time we were squinting thru fogs.. YA! i went SNOWCITY this time round! SO FUN!! me, my bf and my frens went running ard throwing snowballs at each other! SO FUN! and there was this ice slide in the snowcity.. so freaking scary! i was screaming all the way down.. DAMN SLIPPERY AND FAST!

anyway hubby bought me a cuteeeeeeeeeee hippo tat talks.. "I love you!" so cute!!! and he was soooo nice to slip it into my pouch as a surprise... WOOhh!!.. FIRST surprise ever!! i was soooooooo happy and touched... love you so much hubby!!..

anyway.. i've always thought having tuition sucked hard core.. i din know GIVING tuition sucked even more!.. especially if ur student is a philipino! ARGH. she's almost like a malay who doesnt know chinese at all! someone tell me how to teach such kids... and i've got a pri3 girl tml.. also teaching chinese.. only for 130 bucks.. 8 lessons a mth, 1 and half hr each.. tats like only 10.8 an hr? quite pathetic.. i've had tuition all my life since pri sch and i know the rates arent's so little.. :P

hotel room..

fountain..

green scaly thingy!!...

Elephant ride at genting!

PHOTOS....

hard rock cafe photos: http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2130439636

Sentosa photos: http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/geo_a_go/album?.dir=fae4&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

Office photos: http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/geo_a_go/album?.dir=6ab3&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/geo_a_go/my_photos

Genting photos:

http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/chiang_cheng_yong/album?.dir=a165&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

You're a princess! Lovely, Innocent and Charming.

"You are a Princess! Lovely, Innocent, Charming! As a Princess you recognize there is so much about the world you need to learn. You may sometimes be naive but other times you are wise beyond your years! You are sharp, observant, joyous, and interested in your own personal growth. You have a very caring heart, and are a sweet and beautiful woman. "

bahahaha... saw the quiz on veron's blog and decided to do it too..so bored.. anyway, the quiz was quite wrong.. :P im definitely not a beautiful woman. heh.

WATS WRONG WIF THE WORLD.

Going genting tml... bonvoyage. :P

Had a passport saga yesterday. Thought genting had to be cancelled.. STUPID ICA. They said my passport photo was damaged. FUCK. wat damaged. I handed to them a BRAND NEW photo and i thought i could collect it the day before. then suddenly they said my photo damaged and i cant get my passport. THANK GOD i requested for it to be done asap cos i'll be going o/s soon then they did it for me within half an hr. i mean, they should have informed me earlier tat my photo was damaged or wat rite? haiz. gave me such a huge scare.

maybe i'll just stay awake till tml morning and sleep on the bus.. it'll be such a lonnggggggggggggg ride there..

http://sg.pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/geo_a_go/album?.dir=e026&.src=ph&store=&prodid=&.done=http%3a//sg.photos.yahoo.com/ph//my_photos

A2 photos on my yahoo...

scared.. tml teaching tuition for the first time of my life.. teach chinese somemore.. dono can cope or not.. i sure damn stressed.. anyway, was damn bored today.. was filling up the universities stuff till i wanna faint.. printed a hell load of stuffs too.. bloody printer.. cant work without anyone of the cartridge.. then got so many different cartridges for wat?

anyway... i was damn bored.. went westmall eat alone.. wanted to buy books to read but cant find good book.. went to buy cartridge.. went to buy dinner for minxiong.. lonely.. no one to talk to..

din had anyone to talk to the whole of today.. was right beside him.. but he din talk to me.. neither did i talk..

im a block of wood. im a block of wood. im a block. im a block. im a block who doesnt talk. im a block. im a block. im a block who doesnt talk. im just a block of wood. im going to hypnotise myself to be a block of wood infront of him. he dun want to talk then forget it. im not going to talk too. im going to refrain myself frm talking to him, msging him, calling him. let him do all the stuff i used to do for him. but i can bet he wun. if he doesnt want to then forget it.

Yesterday's sentosa trip was quite ok. except for the fact tat the girls were all in one group and the guys all in the other. we were so separated. i din really have fun as i was itching all the time. din realise i was allergic to sun block too. call me allergy girl.

Didn't join them after sentosa.. regret. really regret. went my bf hse and regretted. he din even acknowlege tat i was at his hse. when i went there he was sleeping. still, he should have at least gave a sign tat he knew i was there. i woke him up and asked him if he knew i was there, and he said he knew. tat was when i felt so hurt. he knew i was alrdy in his room but he din give a damn, din even bother saying hi to me or something like tat. long long ago when i went his hse when he was sleeping, he'd always hug me, he'd always at least hug me and acknowlege tat im there.

the whole night i was feeling fuck. i was having fever. my whole body was burning, but i was shivering damn hard. i felt so cold yet so hot. i coudn't even sleep cos of my bloody fucking rashes. i was tossing and turning ard. he din even bother. he just slept on. i wanted to run away frm his hse. but i knew he'll be angry agn.

this morning he just went off after saying bye. he din even wait for me to say bye.

i know i did something he dun like yesterday. but i still think its no big deal. why can everyone do it while i can't! i dun think im in any wrong! AT ALL!

even if im wrong i alrdy made it up by going his hse!

he din pick any of my calls yesterday. din reply any of my msgs. he did it agn today. din pick any calls, din reply any msgs.

i finally did it. i msged him and said i want to break up. guess wat he said. 'u say one ah.' someone tell me exactly wat does he mean by tat. he sounds like he really wants this break up.

being the pathetic gf agn, i msged me him agn and apologised. i said tonnes of sorry. i called him a million times. he still din reply my msgs, still din pick up my calls.

i've never been treated like this before. i dun think i deserve all this. i really think i din do anything wrong.

i always felt i was so lonely even though i was standing right beside him. cos im always by myself. he nvr talked to me when we were out. we always keep quiet and stare at each other. i mean, i stare at him. he will always have his gaze elsewhere. i dun even feel like im his gf at all, nt even a fren.

i kept thinking back those times when we had so much things to talk abt. when we went so many places and had so much fun. kept thinking back to those times when he will hug me, whisper sweet nothings to me, kiss me, give me a peck on the cheek. how i wish and wish and wish we will be back to wat we were a yr ago.. how i really really wish..

FUCKING BORING BF AND BORING LIFE!

seriously my life is so much more fucking boring than anyone else's. FUCKING BORING.

i've got a FUCKING BORING bf who does NOTHING FOR ME AT ALL! NOTHING! he doesn't give me any surprises! he's NEVER gave me any surprises at all! HE DOESNT GIVE A SHIT! HE DOESNT CARE IF WE'RE DOING THE SAME THINGS EVERY EVERY EVERY EVERY SINGLE DAY! HE DOESNT CARE IF WE DUN EVEN TALK WHEN WE'RE OUT! HE DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK IF BOTH OF US ARE JUST STARING INTO BLANK SPACES WHENEVER WE MEET! WE FUCKING EAT THE SAME THINGS EVERYDAY! WE TALK THE SAME STUFF EVERYDAY! 'WAT U WANT TO EAT?' 'U DECIDE AH' 'I DONO WAT TO EAT'

IM DOING FUCKING ROUTINED STUFF EVERYDAY! EITHER I GO HIS HSE OR I GO BACK MINE! OR WHEN IM BACK AT HOME I GO OUT AGN AT 5PLUS TO WAIT FOR HIM AT CLEMENTI TO EAT PORRIDGE! OR I GO HIS HSE AND EAT DINNER AND AFTER DINNER BOTH OF US JUST SLACK IN HIS ROOM AND WATCH TV! AND SAY NUTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK WAT I SAY WIF MY FRENS WHEN IM OUT WIF THEM! HE DOESN'T EVEN ASK WHERE THE FUCK ME AND MY FRENS WENT!

SERIOUSLY IF HE DOESNT ASK THEN IM NOT GOING TO FUCKING TELL HIM ANYMORE!! NEVER!! I'LL NEVER REPORT ANYTHING TO HIM ANYMORE!!

HE TOLD ME HE WILL CHANGE! HE PROMISED ME HE WILL CHANGE HIS FUCKING ATTITUDE! HE SAID HE WILL TALK TO ME MORE! HE SAID HE WILL GIVE ME SURPRISES! BULLSHIT BULLSHITBULLSHITBULLSHIT!!! FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCK IT! LIAR! BLOODY FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER SON OF A BITCH LIAR! FUCK OFF AND DIE! FUCK YOU!! GO TO HELL! CHANGE MY FUCKING ASS!

HOW PATHETIC CAN I BE!! WAT A PATHETIC GF I AM! FANCY NT HAVING RECEIVED ANY SURPRISES FRM HER BF BEFORE! NEVER IN MY LIFE!!

I WANT SURPRISES! I WANT TO DO SOMETHING NEW WIF HIM! I WANT TO GO NEW PLACES! I WANT TO DO NEW THINGS! I WANT TO TALK NEW STUFFS!! I WANT HIM TO MAKE THE FUCKING EFFORT IN THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP!! IF HE DOESNT MAKE ANY EFFORTS THEN IM LETTING THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP DIE OFF! JUST DIE DIE DIE!! LET THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP BREAK! I DUN GIVE A FUCK!!

Me and hubby..

Jolly!!

office pals...

hello failure...

hopes dashed... dreams of getting into buisness course dashed.. dreams of even getting into any other local universities are dashed..

im stucked. B C E cant get me anywhere, and plus a lousy gp grade. even huixin got a better gp grade than me. she got B3. and her english is supposed to be so much worst than me. i really dont know wat happened. C5 for gp, how lousy can i get. anyone else got better than me. i feel so ruined.

WATEVER. GET INTO PRIVATE UNI AH! SO WAT IF IT'S PRIVATE! I STILL CAN GET MY DEGREE OVER THERE! ANYWAY IF U CAN GET A BLOODY MASTERS WHO CARES WHICH UNIVERSITIES U WERE FRM! MASTERS FRM ANYWHERE IS STILL MASTERS! IM GETTING MY FUCKING MASTERS! ya rite girl, dream on. u're just a lazy bitch.

TML............. THE LONG AWAITED NIGHTMARE................

haizZZZ.... i need to go for a swim.. but it's been raining these few days... anyway... i've been so preoccupied with my piano theory exams that seriously i haven't been thinking of anything else till yesterday when i heard the WHOLE WORLD telling me the results are gonna be out tml... SHIT.

suddenly i was brought back to reality.. all along i haven been feeling anything for this A levels.. till yesterday. suddenly felt my whole body turned rigid when i heard the news... how the hell am i going to go through today... i've been thinking and thinking back for all my subjects... feels like i'm gonna fail all cos i've got such bad memories of finishing my papers.. and everytime i finished one paper.. its not relief.. it's actually 'shit.. im gonna fail this paper'

anyway.. the only thing that comforts me is tat i can get to see my class again.. but seriously.. tat doesnt comfort me enough.. haizZZZz....

sad..

think its me.

nvrmind la. haiz.

anyway, i've got A levels to worry abt..

i cant believe it.. and there i was encouraging him on my blog to jia you and quit smoking.. he went his police department chalet and started smoking agn.. i give up. i give up totally. he said i nvr encourage him. there he was smoking when i was encouraging him on my blog. he doesnt even read my fucking blog. how the fuck does he know whether i did encourage him or nt. fuck it. he said he will give me surprises, he will change, he will quit, he will talk to me more, he will tell me things. but he din. he din even fucking TRY AT ALL!

I HATE THE FUCKING FEELING WHEN IM RIGHT BESIDE HIM AND I DUN FEEL ANY LOVE AT ALL! COS IN THE FIRST PLACE HE DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME! I HATE THE FEELING WHEN IM OUT HERE IN HIS SIS ROOM BLOGGING WHEN HE'S IN HIS ROOM WATCHING TV! WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SO NEAR YET SO FAR! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ONLY FRENS OR EVEN LESSER THAN TAT! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THINGS! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO QUIT! NOT EVEN FOR THE SAKE OF ME!!

THE FUCKING PHOTOS ARE ALL FALSE FRONTS! I FORCED HIM TO TAKE THOSE PHOTOS!! HE DOESN'T SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES AND I HAD TO FORCE HIM TO SMILE! HE DOESNT SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES WITH ME! IT WASN'T OUT OF HIS LOVE FOR ME! IT WAS JUST COS HE DIN WANT ME TO NAG! COUPLES TAKE PICTURES AND GUYS WILLINGLY SMILE BECAUSE THEY CAN FEEL THE LOVE FOR THEIR GFS! COS THEY THINK ITS A BLESSFUL THINK TO TAKE PICTURES WITH THEIR GFS! BUT NOT MY BF! HE THINKS ITS A TORTURE TO TAKE PICTURES!!

I FEEL SO DAMN FUCKING LONELY EVEN THOUGH IM AT HIS FUCKING HSE! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING LONELY! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING COLD!

me and hubby pictures.. http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2130258518

my colleague pictures i just put up some other time... no time.. super tired nw..heh

Today was my last day of wrk.. surprisingly i felt a tiny bit of 'bu she de'.. bu she de frens i met there.. they were all soOOooooOO funny and nice today.. suddenly when i had to leave everything seemed so fun.. but anyway.. i THINK i wun regret quitting.. :P at least i can get to sleep more.. BAHAHAH... guess wat.. tat day when i din go wrk i slept 14hrs.. im one hell of a sleeper.. i hate computers... i only blog when im upset.. or bored.. anyway.. i tried sooo hard to wrk out wif my bf.. tried to control my temper.. and he said he will try too.. though i STILL din see any difference.. except the fact that he's been trying to quit smoking and hasn't smoked for 5days? i'll see how long he can last.. he said he will quit like 2yrs ago... anyway.. dun say i nvr 'jia you' him.. JIA YOU!

i think i will miss dialler.. i think i will miss cacs? will i? :P i think life will turn boring once i stop work.. as in.. all my frens are all working! hey come on frens, jio me out. and lynn. we will be slackinng from nxt wk on.. let's meet up at holland v someday.. just sit there and talk cock, or even just sit there and read story books.. i dun mind.. u guys read.. i study my theory exams.. i miss studying at coffee club.. i miss studying at cck cc.. i miss 'studying' wif THE gang.. lynn, may,rach, sam, ken.. 'studying' cos we nvr did really 'STUDY'; we just sat there and talked and talked and talked....my goodness... i cant believe i actually miss jjc.. im such a loser.. gosh.

anyway i'll miss my job.. FOR AWHILE... heh.. will just miss my colleagues tats all.. will miss jojo, moey, boon, puay, keth, hedi....... hahah.. notice all the 4 letter nicks? actually i only know my colleagues by nicks.. :P

td prev cco tat i will miss them... for awhile.. td prev cco to take care.... take care of my lc waivers and my ts!... prev ccos were suddenly so fun to be with on my laz day of wrk... td jojo to take care while we're gone and dun miss us.. td lyne tat i wun miss her cos i expect we'll be meeting up alot as we'll be officially in the jobless club when everyone else are wrking.. even our bfs.. :P

td my bf to try to be a better bf... and i'll try to be a better gf too...

td THE gang tat i wanna meet them up!!!! im damn free nw!! ask me out! let's go shopping! let's go swimming! let's go kbox!! let's go holland v coffee club and slack and reminish old times!!

i sound like a credit controller...

i can proudly tell everyone i WAS frm CTB CCMU= citibank credit control management unit.

i'm so proud i worked for more than 2mths, so damn proud of myself.. and proud of lynn too!! we survived!! we did it!! we earned our first ever pay in our entire lives and even managed to give some money to our parents!! we managed to survive working life (for awhile) despite our golden-spoon life in the past!

hello old life. or is it?

TO THE FUCKER WHO DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME AND WHO DOESNT READ MY BLOG!!!




FUCK OFF AND




DIE!!!!




I'VE ALRDY DELETED THE FUCKING LETTER TO YOU!! EVERYONE HAVE SEEN THE LETTER EXCEPT MY BF HIMSELF!! FUCK IT AH!!!! WATS THE FUCKING POINT OF GIVING U MY BLOG ADDRESS!! THE POINT IS TO LET U UNDERSTAND ME BETTER!! AND YOU DUN EVEN CARE! DUN EVEN WANT TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER THEN I'M NT DOING ANYTHING FOR THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE!! TO HELL WIF THIS RELATIONSHIP I'M LETTING IT GO! ANYWAY U WANTED TO BREAK UP RIGHT! THEN LET'S DO IT THEN! ANYWAY U HAVEN EVEN ASKED FOR A PATCH!! PPL PATCH UP WIF FLOWERS AND GIFTS AND HUGS AND KISSES AND WAT THE FUCK DO I GET!!! JUZ A FEW SWEET TALKS AND I GOT TRICKED BY UR FILTHY MOUTH FILLED WITH STINKING TOBACCO!! FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I DUN HEAR U SAY AND SHOW TAT U WANT A PATCH THEN FORGET IT! LETS END IT.

damn sianz! lost so much!! around 40bucks... only got 250 bucks for new year this year... sooooooooooooooooooo un-money.. let's hope my pay gets in by nxt wk.. in FULL.. if nt i swear i'll burn kelly... i need to buy lots of things.. my bf's bday coming soon... need cash.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

sooooooooooooooo damn bored man.. bloody hell.. just lost 10bucks frm gamblnig.. heh heh heh... all my frens either gambling nw or playing playstation.. ARGH! i feel so left out.. as usual.. my bf is so engaged in his games tat he doesn't give a damn.. so hungry... so sleepy.. no space to sleep.. so sianz.. no one cares.. PATHETIC!

and by the way... who wants to do buisness wif me... i wanna be my own boss and i dun wanna see lian se from anyone anymore.

anyway lynn.. our photos on this website alrdy.. http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2131165669

stupid fucking boss!! i hate my boss!!! ARGH!! i'm so fucking pissed!!!!!!! my boss wants me to go back work on NEW YEAR EVE! and the worst thing is everyone (as in every temps) dun need to go back except me and lynn!! so fucking suay!!! FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

i hate my fucking job!!! i get scolded every single day!! there isn't a day when i dun get scolded by customers!!!! and i tot i wont need to go work tml and get scolded!! but im going to do bloody damn admin!! i dunno how to use microsoft excel!!! ARGH. haiz.

and the worst worst worst thing is my bf doesnt even comfort me when im so damn upset!! he juz think im being stupid; petty; narrow minded!!! ARGH.! FUCK!!!!!

im going to give my boss one tight slap and hopes he sacks me! then i can get sacked on the spot and dun need to wait 5wrking days!! if i quit i still need to tell them 5 days in advance! WAT THE FUCK! come one sack me!!!! (ya ya ya ya! as if i dare to slap my boss!! i dun even dare tell him im nt free tml on cny eve!!!)

im such a loser.

SILENCE

THE SILENCE IS SO OVERWHELMING ITS ALMOST DEAFENING.

i beg u. talk to me. pls. talk to me. everyone else just fucking leave me alone!! i jus want my bf to talk to me!!! just TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont care if u shout! i dun care just talk!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE ANY SOUND JUST FILL MY LIFE WIF SOUNDS! FILL MY LIFE WIF UR VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

He takes the 'life' out of me. pun intended.

for those faggots who doesnt understand wats pun; 'life'='live'


im made so boring by him. my life is in silence cos of him. he took all the sounds away from my life. he's always keeping quiet, he doesnt show enthusiasms when he's out wif me. he doesnt show any expressions when he's out wif me. he keeps to himself. he sits down when he's shopping wif me. he looks away when he's talking to me. he doesnt talk to me. at all. he only talks to me when we're at his hse. sometimes, nt even at his hse. im living in a world of silence. im living alone, though he's always by my side. i talk to myself, even though he's right beside me. the colours have juz been taken out of my life. im living in a black and white picture. dull, lifeless, liveless, stone.

oc b o

oc o a

oc o o

oc o a 153 1/24

cm req l/c and f/c; td cm will waive out of gdwill; subject to management approv

gv rnr

im sure everyone thinks im talking gibberish.. but lynn noes best.. this is the kinda sucky work i do everyday...

rnr= ring and ring = nvr pick up

l/c= late charge

f/c=finance charge

i've nvr used so much shortforms in my whole life b4...

i really hate this job.. long hours.. little pay... boring... tiring... and the worst thing: WE ALWAYS GET OUR PAY LATE!

i also wanna quit............. but same thing as lynn.. all my frens wrking nw... even my bf.. if i nvr wrk i'll be bored to death... sure, i'd love the freedom; i'd love the time i will have for my own leisure.. but soon..i'll feel pissed at having no money to spend.. i'll start to get bored of nt wrking and feel like wrking agn.. i dun wanna wait till then to regret... haizz...i really really feel so sick of this life.. i cant imagine wat it's gonna be like when i'm out in the wrking world.. for real....

anyway... i'm so happy.. yet so sad... my bf juz bought me a camera~ yeah! well.. sort of bought me a cam lah.. he paid $300 and i paid $250... it's the newest panasonic fx2 or something like tat.. we bought it cheaper cos his fren is selling cameras at lucky plaza.... the camera is SO DAMN COOL! i love gadgets.. heh... it's so much fucking better than my old camera which is so damn slow; lousy; blur; watever.

BUT! after buying me the camera... his attitude changed.. it seems like he thinks he can treat me however he like cos he bought something so ex for me... haiz...............................................................................................

life nw is getting more boring by the day.. suddenly thought bck those days when i had so mch fun in sch.. come to think of it.. life in sch was so much better than life at work.. my secondary school days.. my jc days.. just flew by... before i had time to cherish them they were all gone...

soon.. i'll be 20.. soon i'll have to go work everyday.. no such things as school holidays anymore.. soon i'll be in university.. and soon i'll be married.. (i hope).. soon i'll start my own family and i'll just hafta depend on my very own family members.. soon i'll grow older and see my children all grown up and setting up their families.. soon i'll die of diabetes.. (i hope not).. or kidney failure? given my diet nw.. highly likely..

today is one of those days i start thinking bck... reviewing my life.. rekindling memories.. i was so bored today i kept thinking abt the past... my friends... my romantic period...those days are gone.. my relationships wif anyone.. and i mean even my bf.. have all become stagnant.. i don't do activities wif my bf anymore.. i dun do activities wif my friends anymore.. except the occasional outtings wif lynn..

i pin for some excitement in my life.. i'd love to go on a nite out cycling agn.. i'd die for a ride on my bf's bike agn... hugging him ever so tightly and feel the nite breeze brush past... cursing at red lights and rejoicing green lights.. looking up at the nite sky and gazing at stars at westcoast park.. feeling cold cos of the wind.. yet feel ever so warm cuddling beside my bf.. i yearn for warmth agn..