i am such a bad student.... bad bad bad student.... i should really really really be studying now since i've got to study for 5 subjects and my exam's starting in MAY, and all these are not easy subjects, mind u, accounting and auditing subjects, worst is when u have some subjects where u dont even have a bloody CLUE to what issit entirely about.... im so screwed.....

there's this constant tugging feeling, like something tugging at ur sleeves, reminding u that u've got something to do.... and this feeling's getting more and more prominent as May looms ahead.... but u juz keep ignoring this damn feeling everyday till u get home.... "i'll do it after a nap".... still no work done after a nap.... "i'll do it after dinner", dinner came and went, still, no work done.... "oh i'll do it after practicing piano", and after piano, "too tired to study now, let me rest and surf around the net" and i've been online since then..... all the way from 3pm till now, still no work done... *slaps forehead in despair* someone help me...............

today is such a ku ku day for me.............. kuku.... stupid day.... that stupid computer repairman totally wasted my whole damn day...... he's the LATE KING man.... appointment was at 2 and he came at 3.15.... nvm, repair the stupid comp for 3 damn hrs... WAH LAO!!! i could have studied, took a nap or watever... if i'd taken the time to take a nap i wouldn't be feeling so lethargic now and i'd have had energy to at least TRY STUDYING at night rite.... i cant take the nap while he's repairing cos i have to constantly give him my comp password.... answer his questions when he asked....and it's juz so rude to fall asleep when he's repairing ur comp in ur room.... i dont know, i juz think it's wrong... haizzzz............... complete waste of my time.... best thing is, i've got class from 10-5 tml... GREAT. ARGH!!!

Hey friends! i've got a good lobang for all.... just join this and u'll earn money for the more people u refer to....and also for the ppl they refer to.... so the ball juz keeps rolling..... just start frm me as your referal and subsequently refer ur other frens to this website.... well i think it's a not bad idea, no harm trying.... no costs needed AT ALL, just sign up.... it works like youtube when youtube started with them paying ppl to download their premium videos...
my personal automatic referral link is

www.agloco.com/r/BBDC6211

what will u do when the "fuzzy warm feeling" dont appear anymore whenever u and ur bf meet? i yearn for that feeling again. but once it's gone, it's gone. it'll never come back.

i dont think i need him anymore................... i can live without him....... with/without him doesnt make much of a difference..... i dont have anything to talk about with him anymore.... nothing........ he doesnt want to go out during wkends, he doesnt want to talk when he sees me, his eye contact doesnt even linger on me for more than 1 second......so why the fuck am i still with him? i dont know. yep, we're both losing interest.... im losing interest in him too........ im beginning to think whether this was a huge mistake after all.... this IS a huge mistake, this IS a complete waste of my time, my youth. i dont need to pay my youth for such a person like him. who doesnt like to have fun, who thinks fun=staying at home play video games. i dont need such a person. i dont want such a person. why the fuck am i such a loser? why? someone tell me. i let so many damn ppl manipulate me, toying around with my feelings all my damn life. why the fuck did i let them do that in the first place? I DONT BLOODY KNOW.

FUCKING STALE LIFE, FUCKING NO LIFE TO BEGIN WITH. FUCK MY LIFE, FUCK ALL THOSE WHO MISTREATED ME ALL MY LIFE. FUCK SCHOOL, FUCK YOU! I DONT NEED ALL THESE RUBBISH IN MY LIFE.

then end it.

ever felt like ending ur life once and for all? bring all the miseries to an end. feel what it's like to go to heaven, or hell. ever thought of who will go for ur funeral? will they remember u forever? visit u at the temple orwherever ur ash's placed at, during ur death anniversaries and ur bdays? ever thought of who u want to assign to maintain ur friendster? a fren's fren died, and her friendster's being kept all along by her friend. telling others where to "visit" her. and every month or so, she'll still receive testimonials telling her how much they miss her. and on her birthdays, everyone will tell her that they've juz gone to visit her. "it's been a month since u've died, and u're still sorely missed. im sorry i couldn't save u, i saw u die." something like that. sad isn't it? nope, think it another way. she's gone to see the lord.

just a passing thought.

didn't take much pictures at the wedding.... firstly cos my bf was super uncooperative, i wanted him to ask his sis to take pics with us, but he simply refused... juz kept saying "u go ask ah then u go ask ah, ask me for what" (cb!!) nvm, secondly, the stupid photographer super uncooperative too.... didnt even ask the family members to take pictures... juz stood around waiting to be prompted... STUPID RITE.. pay him so much for wat?!!! so missed out alot alot of chances to take pictures...grrrrrrr....

tml's bf's sis wedding, like, FINALLY. what the hell......... i dont really like my dress.... how?? was chosen on impulse cos my bf and his mum was like so bu nai fan....... bf din even give comment, din even say nice or even not nice........... damn fucking pissed........ juz say "buy lah buy lah buy lah" and i know why the hell he kept saying tat, so he dont need to go choose wif me on another day, dont need to walk a few more shops............. if he hadnt been so impatient i might have found a much nicer dress........ so many more choices at far east......... but NOOOOooooooo i bought mine at Tampines mall.... ARGH. ARGH. TOO LATE.

u dont know how much i hate relatives............ whoever's relative. i hate hate hate....... all they know is criticise criticise criticise, compare compare compare. criticise looks, outfit, figure. compare schools, whose children's universities better than others, whose children's results better. really damn. bloody. pissing off. "oh u grew thinner, oh u grew fatter, u wear like that nicer, ur hair last time longer nicer." wah lan eh. and out of respect (and cos u really dont have anything else to say) u juz got to nod ur head, or juz reply "ya ya ya" even if they say u grew fatter, u still gotta nod ur head, say ya ya ya. wah wah wah, cant stand it.......... omg. tml shall be another round of criticising....... or maybe later tonight when i go his hse........ his relatives all there...... during cny also same thing, all my relatives asked about my sch, my results, wat course i taking, why i 减肥. WHAT WHY?!!??!! cos i fat then i want to lose weight ah!! what why?!!! they always ask the most ridiculous questions leh. why i wanna lose weight. wah, how u expect me to answer. they cruelly wants me to say "oh cos last time i fat ma, so i wanna lose weight lor".

the worst worst worst kinda of question i've heard was "why u wanna go study private university, WHY". fuck ah. what why, obviously rite. u juz want me to tell u straight in ur face im not gd enuff for local universities (like ur child), cos my results were bad. or what. WHAT WHY?! Who in the world CHOOSES to go private universities if they are capable enuff to go local uni. argh. i dont know ah. weird aunties. i dont hate relatives, i correct myself, i hate aunties. only aunties ask these kinda stupid questions. u know what? i'll NEVER be like them. and my mum will never be like them too. i've nvr heard her asking ANYONE, any of my cousins all these kinda of questions before.

i guess it's in the genes.... that women in my family cant cook for NUTS...... yesterday was the first time i tried cooking at home...... i cooked campbell soup, egg and mushroom, chilli minced meat and fried noodles........... well of cos the can soup went well..... but the fried noodles................... hur, i dropped the whole damn plate of noodles (not fried yet, juz cooked and dried) onto the floor.......... made the whole floor damn oily and everything... and my mum had to mop the floor.... nvm, i scooped the noodles all up and washed it and reheated it..... my little bro saw and later tat evening he din touch the noodles....... NEVERMIND, later when i cooked the egg...... *clang* dropped onto the floor AGAIN, right after cooking and everything.......... FUCK. this time i had to recook it........ so i used up 10 eggs... shiok..........

as for the fried noodles..... i overestimated and cooked for portions of 6 when there was only 4 of us, 3 adult and 1 kid............. so of cos the seasoning was for 4 person.... so it looked seriously bland in the wok.... but due to the quick thinking of the bf who managed to turn up juz in time, he quickly added tomato sauce and alot more other seasoning and helped to stir fry the BIG WOK of noodles..... couldnt have done it without him, :P no strength to stir the noodles leh, such a huge pile.....

as for the minced meat, i thought i did quite well...... and it was also, for a portion of i think at least 6 ppl... hahhaa... so there was lots of leftovers.... and we left it for my dad to eat.... i forced him to finish up everything, which he did... but said they tasted AWFUL.... u knw, u cant ask a cook to taste ur food, confirm say not nice.... i thought the minced meat was nice.................... hmmmm.... the minced meat would have tasted nicer with plain rice lor.... but too bad my hse dont even have a rice cooker...... i was quite surprised to even find the big wok at my hse..... but later learned tat my mum won it from lucky draw during her tupperware parties............. damn.

Twins and Boyz

Twins and Boyz 死性不改




又見了我的寵愛　誰願接受這種意外

你讚我天生可愛　不願看著我離開



同伴也話我傻　喜歡受挫

寧願情敵再傷我




人天生根本都不可以愛死身邊的一個

怎奈你最夠刺激我　凡事也治倒我

幾多黑心的教唆　我亦捱得過

來煽風　來點火　就擊倒我麼



誰戀愛就多障礙　死性我不想改

如我沒有你的愛　我沒法活得來

情人的存在　是我從來都志在

難在我拱手讓愛 我怕可一不可再　



難道你被愛都有害 我確信天真不會錯　

威力會移山填海

carine 好介绍

oh yah btw..... i think 5/4 mths ago i was 58kg ok! then cos i was constantly drinking one of the products (Fibreplus, helps constipation, flushes out toxins) my weight suddenly dropped to 56kg and sort of maintained till now..... still fat ah..... but my body cant lose weight easily leh........ another fren tried the same weight management programme she lost 5kg... DAMN! lucky her!!! argh........ the highest record was 7kg in 5 days.... but tat was cos the guy who drank it was like 98kg..... fatter ppl lose weight faster..... CONFIRM....my bf lost 5kg in 1.5mths too.... and he din exercise NOTHING, juz ate less ABIT every meals.... lucky him....

let me describe the programme for anyone interested lah:

there are 5 boxes in the programme, 1 box for each day. 1 box contains 12 satchets of supplements (to be mixed with water), all drinking stuff nothing solid. it's TOTALLY ORGANIC even children/pregnant ladies can drink, SWEAR, no chemicals nothing, not like medicine, note: SUPPLEMENT......

so u juz follow the consumption programme all planned out for u, printed on the back of each box

eg:

rise and shine: 1 satchet (Fibreplus: to gently remove toxic impurities while energising the colon, i.e help u shit, prevent constipation, u get the drift)

breakfast: 3 satchets aka mixed with 3 cups of warm water

lunch: 3 satchets

tea: 2 satchets

dinner: 2 satchets

before sleep: Fibre plus again to help u bang sai in the morning

anyway when i say 3 satchets, it means 3 diff products, one for energising and rejuvenating cos u'll feel tired when u lose weight; one for preventing u to take in carbo,sugar,fats and increasing metabolism; another to provide additional nutrients for ur body while ur body lose weight.....

sounds nice right......... juz by drinking 12 satchets everyday u'd have already felt damn full....so dont even need to eat! juz drink the thing when u feel hungry.... on top of tat still need to drink lots of water to flush the toxins out.... so juz drink drink drink!.... but dono why i lose weight so slowly! something's wrong wif me!! alot of toxins in my body!!! my fren said it's because im constantly eating unhealthy food outside tat's why.... i think so too..... haiz........ cos she's those kind who eats home nearly everyday... and she lost 5kg...... *ARGH! envious*

anyone interested juz call me....note: i dont earn $$$ from this, i dont even earn anything sum pa...i juz think it' damn good cos i think it's a sort of guaranteed 2kg loss, 'cos im a living example, everyday eat outside so unhealthy still can lose 2 kg...carine 好介绍

i remembered long long long time ago i wanted to buy Zando or Xtrim watever u call tat... but i read the ingredients and saw alot of chemicals all tat... and another thing was cos too ex also.... remember lynn? we wanted to share the 3box package and divide cost??

there's a thin line being the isolator and the one being isolated...... im both.....

cut fat cut fat........... tried the weight management thing, 5 days juz drink the supplement, which tasted DAMN GOOD (if u like to drink soya bean milk, u'll like this), quite shocked at the taste, actually i tot it'd taste horrible....... managed to cut 2 kilos in 5 days.... but but but, still fat.... and the result wasn't as good as i'd expected..... i wanted like more than 2kilos.... at least 3kg.... grrrrr..... it's so damn fucking easy to gain 2kg and so damn difficult to lose just 2kg of weight..... i juz hope i wouldn't gain that 2kg back by saturday.... fuck. i mean, i lost quite abit on the lower waist.... but the waist, the actual waist still damn THICK. thick thick thick. argh. i've been watching my weight for the 5 days.... juz gradual loss... nothing shocking... BUT I WANT shocking weight loss.....

start: 56kg/55.5kg (i din weigh properly when i started, damn. 500g diff ALOT leh)

end: 53.7kg (but it varies, like after meals, or after drinking water, hur. but averagely, this is it)

53.7 kg sounds NORMAL... but i realised, im still fat.... and tat's the problem.... i juz realised my bones are inherently LIGHT and THIN, so tat muz mean the rest of the weight is juz fats fats and fats.... so im made up of fats! ok im not fat. im plump. fleshy. watever u call tat. the bah thing. the bah TYRE still around my tummy area. pui.

anyway my fren says to lose 1 kg at marie france bodyline costs at least 300bucks... AT LEAST... so well, hur, guess i must have 赚到 ah.... $177 for 2kg... but i muz say it's really determination determination determination... which i lack horribly.... i lasted 4.5 days... the last half of the day, due to some unfortunate arrangements of fate, the bf's mum HAD TO chia dinner buffet at their house.... so i "hecked it" and ate buffet for dinner... so i've got like half a box left of supplements left which i'd intended for TODAY... which i didn't.... i ate beef noodles (hey! i din finish hor! left ALOT!!! appetite grew small) for lunch and fish soup (without rice!) for dinner................... sooooooooooooooo...... TOMORROW LAH.... tomorrow tomorrow... i'll finish tat half box...... and try not to have dinner or lunch..........

or maybe i'll have lunch and not dinner........... hmmmm....

went malaysia yesterday to buy specs..... ended up buying an Oakley specs for $484..... sing dollars.... including high index lenses and super scratch resistance frame........ warranty for a lifetime.... i tot was a good buy...... and went to buy the evening shoes for the bf's sis's wedding.......... still hafta buy an evening bag... dono buy frm where, damn pek cek.........

sad. sad. sad. no mood no mood no mood. feel like such a letdown sometimes. but i cant help it.

tagged by lynn.

Each player of this game starts off by giving 6 weird things about themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.

1. i have a big mole on the right side of my butt.

2. i can unconsciously memorise advertisements easily though i only watch tv twice a wk, or sometimes non at all. want me to recite the marigold peel fresh chinese advertisement for u? those advertisements get on my nerves, i can subconsciously repeat them over and over in my brain the whole day.

"Nation li ye nu yong", "sheng sheng sheng, ma ma zui bang"

3. am afraid of thunder, lightning, lizards, topgun, roller coasters, spinning octopus. i.e Escape theme park, wild wild wet, Euro funfair

4. i dont talk at home, i yell. "mummy!!!!! why u wash my jeans!!!! i need to wear!!!!"

5. i have great great great great tolerance for everything (hyper active kids, ego bf) under the sun. except the sun. hur. and my family members.

6. i apply tiger balm every night before i sleep. (think this is quite well known to all) bleah.

tag: serene, huiyee, velveta, jiada.

Blogging frm fone!

ok.... i've decided to buy sony ericsson K800i..... any complaints about sony ericsson phones juz shoot.... i need to gather more information.... im quite meticulous about choosing phones.... even though this wont be my phone for long... hmmm..... or maybe it will.... see how it goes lor.... cos it seems like quite a good phone... the user-friendliness of the phone wont be much of a issue to me....... since i was the user of one of the most user unfriendly phone for almost 2 yrs..... any phones tat come to my hand, i'll be able to adapt it within 2 days... hur... or maybe 1......

the phone's specifications.... so far so good.....with blue tooth, radio, music player, 3G, uses sony's cybershot technology with 3.2 mega pix for camera... i muz say the camera cybershot influenced me quite alot to decide on buying heh.... the camera even has red-eye reduction, how cool is that for a phone.... uses Xenon flash (!), video stabiliser,even picture blogging... wah.... quite good lah.... juz wondering if the phone comes with the cable to the computer.... if it doesnt then really stupid, and sibeh bo hua.... muz buy separately meh? hmmm....

Collin Raye - Love, Me

I read a note my grandma wrote back in nineteen twenty-three.Grandpa kept it in his coat, and he showed it once to me. he said,"boy, you might not understand, but a long, long time ago,Grandma's daddy didn't like me none, but i loved your grandma so."

We had this crazy plan to meet and run away together.Get married in the first town we came to, and live forever.But nailed to the tree where we were supposed to meet, insteadOf her, i found this letter, and this is what it said:

If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.I'll meet you when my chores are through;I don't know how long i'll be.But i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.And between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you. love, me.

I read those words just hours before my grandma passed away,In the doorway of a church where me and grandpa stopped to pray.I know i'd never seen him cry in all my fifteen years;But as he said these words to her, his eyes filled up with tears.

If you get there before i do, don't give up on me.I'll meet you when my chores are through;I don't know how long i'll be.But i'm not gonna let you down, darling wait and see.And between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you. love, me.Between now and then, till i see you again,I'll be loving you. love, me.

*sniffs*

prawning anyone??

the O2 totally died on me..... Fuck. the. stupid. phone. cannot. on. at. all.

went to the service centre and i was told most probably the motherboard has died.... u know, motherboard aka most-impt-thing-in-ur-damn-bloody-phone. y so suay? i know why, cos my mum strike 2nd price 4D on sunday, the day i found out the motherboard died. hur hur. cue for me to buy new phone? was told by the repairman if i were to change the motherboard, it'll cost me 345 bucks. WHAT THE HELL. might as well buy a new phone. but noOOOoo, i cant buy new phone cos contract haven end.... so now how?

oh, my mum juz said her plan is over, so juz use her plan to sign another new phone for me.... then wait till August when my plan is over then return the phone to her.... *loves her*

juz heard frm my mum she's already spent 500bucks on health products.... gosh... and nearly half she bought it for me, cos bf's sis wedding coming soon muz be pretty and slimmier.... wah lao..... *guilt guilt guilt* i muz treat her nicer frm now on k? cannot any-o-how shout at her when im frustrated ok? okok.

slimming tea, beauty tea, 5-day weight management product which costs $177 (!!!) and only last 5 days, some other organic health drinks..... hmmmmm.............. i muz really slim down.... if not really waste money.....

i wonder if anyone of u know, really understand how is it like to be very poor..... poor as in, u're studying in a private university (fucking expensive, cheebye expensive), ur dad's the sole breadwinner and has got 3 kids, 2 in poly and university, has NO CPF AT ALL (ZERO, non watsoever) and have to pay everything in cash..... not forgetting paying our housing loan, giving 1000bucks to my grandparents, insurance companies, bills, all in CASH....... or maybe, he's not really poor (or u might think)... but as the daughter, as the eldest, u feel so indebted to ur dad, mum, watever, tat u dont even want to go out and have fun anymore.... u feel so guilty, cos u know how tough issit, to earn each and every cent of those money u're spending.... his sweat,life,blood,bleeding fingers,stone-like sandpaper-like hands..... I feel guilty, cos all along im the one who's spending the most of the family's income.... alot on my school fees, piano fees, my hp bills, aircon bills, miscellaneous.....

i started to understand all these this yr.... abit late, but still not too late.... i learned about all these when my dad strike 4D.... i had really thought it was a huge sum of money.... really huge.... but then he was claiming he's got no money again... i was rather pissed, angry, annoyed, even suspected he was having other woman....how can he spend so much money in such a short time? i wanted to buy so many things, i wanted him to give me money to spend, i wanted to go overseas, i wanted to shop.... then i realised, all along i did not realise, he was in debts.....

i thank the angels guarding me and my family..... at least now we're cleared of debts.... even though we might not have much left to spare....

i've grown up.

hmmm... bf bought me the dress for his sis's wedding....... i still gotta buy a pair of shoes and clutch bag to go along........ headache...... dono what to buy..... the dress seems to be too formal leh........ sian leh... dono how...........

i need a pair of shorts.... any idea anyone? where to buy nice shorts? outfitters shorts i've tried.... but the cutting doesn't fit at all....... looks quite ugly on me..... hmmm..... shorts only suit skinny ppl...... i wear i look damn weird....... dono why... cant seem to find the right shorts for me.... arghhhhhhhhhh why am i so frigging F.A.T..... i really gotta start cutting weight NOW.... NOW NOW NOW..... for his sis's wedding... or i'll look rather ugly in tat dress with bulging fats....... yucks.

Happy 26th Birthday Hubby!!! *muackz*

*curses and swears*

the admin ppl at my school are simply HORRIBLE HORRIBLE HORRIBLE ppl..... wah lao eh.............. i was like 21 minutes late for my prelim exam (yeah i know it's alot but STILL!!).... and they didn't allow me to sit for the damn exam..... "oh, we only allow students in for the 1st 20 minutes", i looked at my watch and it was 10.20....... fuck. i told the person it's 10.20 now, and he had the cheek to tell me, no it's 10.21. CHeebye. 1 minute of difference. need to be so geh gao or not...... (my exam starts at 10)

"then can u just give me the exam paper, i wont sit for it"

"nope, cannot, or u come tonight at 7 to sit for the paper"

"i've got something on tonight, i cant come"

"then too bad"

"then juz give me the question paper, i need it for the revision classes"

"i've already told u i cant"

"i want to talk to ur person in charge"

i've learnt to fight for my rights......... after a vicious aunty at Robinsons Centrepoint selling Pierre Cardin undergarments made crude remarks at me and downright refused to exchange the undergarment set for me (when it was OBVIOUSLY HER FAULT)..... i super regretted not getting her name and complaining to her manager/supervisor. i got scolded by my mum and other friends i've told, telling me i should have complained to Robinson's customer service, should have complained to her manager....

anyway, back to my school.... so i talked to the head and after giving her some lame excuse that i cannot come for the test at night cos i've got work, and i woke up late cos i worked till very late yesterday, the in-charge finally gave me the prelim question paper..... seriously, i dont give a damn about not attending the prelims... i just want the damn question paper cos i need it to go for revision classes by the UOL..... our examiners are coming to singapore to go thru our prelim exam papers and hopefully give us some tips...... and main thing is, i've PAID for the damn revision (costs me 225bucks!). i dont want to pay for the UOL revision for nothing lor.

anyway, i gave the guy who stopped me from entering the examination hall a very hard glare before i went off.... pissed off.

fucking ccb. my hp crashed AGAIN..... wah lao eh.......

not a smooth day for me..... wanted to make specs.... found out my astigmatism increased yet again, and have to be custom-made... which cost $295 on lens ALONE, not counting frames yet.... and those frames i like, and those frames that are big enough for my fucking big face.... cost like $348..... add together? $643.. WAH LAN EH. 600 bucks for a pair of specs. then i asked about permanent contact lens, 400bucks at most! then might as well get permanent contact lens rite? BUT NO! my mum wont hear of it. arghhhhhhhh............................. 600plus lehh........... so ex............ and i wanted to buy the addidas watch that citychain's having promotion on for only frigging 45bucks.... but dont have the colour i want anymore.... ALL sold out.... only got yellow and grey.... which looks quite ugly....... angry.... pui.

im getting fucking fat fat fat.................... really kept eating and eating and eating for the whole of CNY......... lao yu sheng 4 times....... went to eat at restaurants 3 times........ im really getting FAT. lumpy. watever. im still so bloated........... went to eat with the family and bf at some restaurant along sunset way juz nw..... went to Seafood Paradise Restaurant (somewhere in Ubi) with bf's parents on Sunday..... the second time i've been there since CNY.... seafood seafood seafood..... bleah... most importantly, very unhealthy food..... argh........ but who can get sick of seafood?! yummy... crabs..... prawns.......

anyway, juz spent a tonne for bf's bday presentS...... hope my dad still give me some money to spend, though i kept telling him "dont need la"... heheh......

we're getting a new fan for the living room, new heaters for toilets...... and im getting a new specs!!! yeah! the only thing i bugged my dad was for a new pair of specs and nothing else..... i think he was damn happy..... cos i didnt bug him for any extra money to spend...... juz bugged him for a pair of new specs (which is totally "practical" lor).... actually i didnt want specs, i wanted permanent contact lens which might cost cheaper than my specs........ (cos i have a bloody high degree of astigmatism)... but he and my mum die die wont let me buy contact lens..........

"permanent contact lens very dirty one"

"u are damn lazy, surely wont take care of ur eyes"

"what if u sleep with ur contact lens on?!"

"contact lens very ma fan one"

"u try monthly contact lens first"

hmmmm...... i wonder if he'll sponsor me for chalet for my 21st bday....... might try to bug him..... my bro has already asked my dad to give him driving AND motor school fees.... my mum has already asked for the fan (those big ones with nice crystal lights attached to the ceiling one) in the living room, water heaters and (maybe)air con for living room (which i think is a total waste of money)...... he has already given me $400 for my specs....... hahah i think he's abit overwhelmed by so many requests at a time..... so mine shall wait awhile....

*LUCKY GIRL*

im a LUCKY girl.......... hahahah....more like i bring luck to others.... two times i asked my mum to buy certain numbers.... she didnt heed my advice... and TWICE the numbers came out...... bleah... she never buy.... BUT nvm, she won TOTO 3rd prize for the 10million toto draw on friday..... THIRD prize sounds so grand..... but its not as grand as it sounds.... cos around 2.9 million+++ shared by 2417 ppl........ so it's around $1224.6967 blah blah blah per person..... then i asked my mum to buy the amount of money she won for 4D.... and i kept telling her to "buy buy buy".... and she bought 1224.... NVM, when she went to collect the money, it was $1225 (cos i didnt know they rounded it up until she came home in the evening to tell me, and i straightaway told her to buy that number, but too late, closed liao)...... if i had known i would have asked my mum to buy 1225 for 4D ah..... she was at Bukit Timah and she told my dad she won $1225..... and LUCKILY, VERY FORTUNATELY, my dad heard me when i was telling my mum to "buy buy buy" that amount of money she won for 4D and he bought 1225...... ta da! FIRST PRIZE yesterday....... sibeh heng ah............ lucky he heard me..... my mum was like damn pissed she never thought of buying 1225..... cos she said i kept saying 1224.... bleah..... in any case, i'd rather my dad strike 4D (first time ever in over 2 yrs liao) than my mum...... hahah.......... cos it'll be 10 times more money than if my mum strike........ (but not enough to buy a car).... damn............ but GOOD ENOUGH!! in any case, i've been bugging my stubborn dad for a car.... but he kept insisting even if he'd won enough for a car, he still wont buy car......... whenever i bug my parents to buy something for me ah, or bug them to sponsor me to go overseas (which was the case this time, i'd wanted to go overseas with my bf, but no money to spend), they'll normally strike lottery..... see? i bring luck.... i can ask ppl to buy numbers.... but when i buy the same number with them it'll normally wont come out... hahhaa.... i wont strike 4D but i let ppl strike....

like my mum said...... i bring luck to ppl around me.... so make me happy! hehehe......

i wish all around me good health too........... last day of CNY liao...sad.... sian...

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了

我知道自己在你心里已不重要

难道我真心付出一切

是为了承受孤单和寂寞

如果你还爱我

你不会对我如此的冷漠

sometimes i juz wished i've never met him ever in my life... i wished our friend hadn't introduced us together.... for no one has ever made me feel so pained ever in my life... i wish i have a time turner.... turn back the time when i hadn't give in so much to him.... maybe things would have been different.....

there are so many things i want to do with him.... but he juz cant be bothered by these so called trivial stuff.... there were so many times i went out with him and realised i totally regretted even going out at all, for all throughout the trip i was juz self-entertaining myself.... there were so many times i've called him, and immediately regretted it, for there was nothing to talk about, or we might talk, and end up quarrelling and spiting each other.....

sometimes i wonder what have i gotten myself into..... burdens, restrictions, pain.............. nothing else? it's juz so painful and tiring to be the only one trying to continue.... i wont do it anymore.... i wont do anything for us anymore..... this is the last straw.......... so tired of giving in.... so tired of doing all of this alone..... this might have been the 10 thousand time i've said i'm giving up......... but this is really the last straw.... last time...... final.......

finale

trust a dishonest person to lie, because he most likely is. it's the honest ones, that you cannot trust.

guys tend to be dishonest with a girl because they are afraid of hurting her feelings. but then, we know that for a fact, and thus, don't believe everything they say. it's the girlfriends we have, whom we think we can trust, who are our worst backstabbers, and ultimately our enemies.

got this off Wani's blog...

i've never thought i would run out of topics to talk abt with the bf.... apparently i thought wrong... long awkward silences.... trying to hear what's happening at the other end.... seems like the bf's always either playing games or watching tv, paying attention on everything else except u... i mean, juz tell me straight u dont want to talk, cos u want to watch the fucking tv... dont waste my time.... i'd rather talk to the fucking wall than u these days....

running out of gas

如果你还爱我, guang liang

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了

我知道自己在你心里已不重要

虽然我们曾经相聚过

也许对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

我带着一颗沉重的心走了

我知道自己没有勇气道别离

虽然我们曾经拥有过

但是对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

难道早以注定

不能真正拥有你

难道我真心付出一切

是为了承受孤单和寂寞

我知道你不敢对我坦白

是不要看到我的伤怀

虽然你没有说要离开我

我已经感到你不再属于我

如果你还爱我

你不会对我如此的冷漠

又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊

如果你还爱我

你不会对我如此的冷漠

我只能含着眼泪默默的离开

i hate guys who throw things when they are angered/throwing tantrums/bad tempered... seems rather stupid to me when they throw WHATEVER that's in their hands (be it handphones/bananas/chopsticks for instance) and lamely pick them up frm the floor after awhile, trying to fix their phones or throwing the banana in the rubbish bins..... that's basically STUPID and LAME in my point of view... which i've grown to act indifferently towards... the handphone which u bought for a few hundred bucks, that u juz throw with all ur might all because of a moment of hot headedness isn't (to me) a very a wise move.... stupid in fact.... especially when u'll end up lamely picking up the little pieces (after ahile when u come to a foolish realisation) and have to fix them all up again.....

and really, these stupid antics wont impress girls/woman/gfs/wives... AT ALL... stop thinking foolishly girls/woman/gfs/wives will feel awed, shocked, feel that u're more domineering by doing that oh-so-often..... maybe they'll feel shocked and scared for the first time.. or maybe even first few times... subsequent attempts will prove futile and only result in indifferentness/blank stares/irritatedness..........

irritated.

suddenly i feel the stress of the prelims and upcoming exams.........

bad tempered these few days.......... and it didn't help when i realised my prelim dates clashed with my bf's bday..... dono wat to do now....... feel so sickened that i might have to celebrate with him on another day............ dont like that feeling somehow......... for the past few years i've always celebrated with him....... argh. and my fucking prelim timetable and revision workshops are all clashing with my piano lessons too...... fucked up..........

Your Birthdate: May 19

You don't just believe in love at first sight - you've experienced it. You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter! You are very prone to love - hate relationships. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

hahah.. the number of true loves i'll have might be true... the love at first sight too... and i do develop crushes very easily.... but not the compatible birth dates though.... BUT BUT BUT, it was really really damn accurate for my best friend Velveta.... SUPER accurate...

oh yah.. btw did i mention i was damn bloody fucking heng yesterday when i was the banker? TWICE i made a mistake when i distributed the cards, i either forgot to deal a set of cards to myself, or left out some cards on the table.... and TWICE, there was ppl getting BAN LUCK... the first round, 1 person got ban luck, but cos i distributed wrongly, it wasn't counted... so i didn't lose money.... the SECOND time i distributed wrongly, TWO ppl got BAN LUCK..... oh my god.... how heng can i get.... and it wasn't counted again.... hahhaha... i bet jiale and jiada was damn bloody pissed.... sibeh heng... muz really thank my lucky stars... sorry ah jiale jiada and izhardi... hahhaha... really didn't do it on purpose.......... first time as banker leh.... hahha....told u im the ban luck queen right... i get ban luck or ppl get ban luck when im the dealer.......... i either get super heng or super suay.... the middle few rounds wasn't so lucky.... in juz one round of the game, i lost to Vel, Jiada and Albert... all pay either triple or double, Vel got BAN BAN, Jiada got Ban Luck, Albert got 5 dragons....... *faints*

oh yah, yesterday was the first time i saw anyone got triple 7 in the game of Ban Luck... my best friend Vel got it..... must pay 7 times.... not double, not triple, 7 times.. wah..

CNY........ the long awaited cny is finally going to end..........

won some money yesterday at Vel's place.. heh.......... was losing my butts off initially when i played as the banker..... but luckily won some back... cos i had 2 ban luck when i was the dealer... haha..(forgot to mention im a ban luck queen too hahha) i started with ban luck and ended with ban luck.... in the middle of the game there was one time when i lost ALL the money in my wallet.... but i recuperated back when everyone UPed their bets and juz nice i won ban luck...

"In Between" is really a cursed game.... u either win big big or lose big big.... gambled the WHOLE of yesterday.... crazy.... after vel's hse i went to my bf's aunt's hse... and they played "In Between" and one guy lost 150bucks, the other guy won close to 100 bucks... and my bf lost 40 bucks... wah kao....

it's a very easy game.... the idea is to get the number that is in between tthe 2 cards the dealer deals u... the dealer deals everyone 2 cards (open) and everyone pools the same amount of money on the table in the middle..... and u choose the amount of money u want to call...... u can also choose not to call if u've got bad cards like example: 4 and 6... the only card in between is 5.... so there's only 1 chance of getting it....so u can dont call for the money............ but if u've got 2 and K, the numbers of cards in between is of cos a whole range of cards.. 3,4,5,6,7.....J,Q,K. the only possibility is getting the A, 2 and K.... so of cos, u'll call for ALL the money in the pool..... HOWEVER, if you get A, u'll pay for the same amount of money u've called for and the pool of money will grow bigger.... IF U SUAY SUAY get 2 and K, u'll pay for DOUBLE the money u called for.... it's super dangerous ah, cos the pool of money can go up to hundreds of dollars...

hahah.. one of my frens got 2 and K for 4 times.... and he sibeh suay got A 4 times...... cursed or not? my bf's uncle also, he was worst, he got double 3 times... DOUBLE leh... he called for all the money in the pool (30bucks), and paid 60 bucks cos he got a 2.

anyway, i bet u guys dono wat i talking about... so cheem.... ahhah......

sian sian sian. nxt wk muz study for exams liao. ccb. ARGHHHHhhhhhhhhh!

USE UR BRAINS. Keep it simple.

1) When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found outthat the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).In order to solve this problem, it took themone decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zerogravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface includingcrystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did Russians do........................................??

The Russians used a Pencil!!!

2) One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management wasthe case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that aconsumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department.

For some reason, one soap box went through the assemblyline empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine withhigh-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution.

He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at theassembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story:Keep It Simple.

Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. Learn to focus on solutions not on problems.

"If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything""If you look at what you have in life, you have everything" The thought manifests as the word;The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character; So watch the thought and its ways with care; And let it spring from love,Born out of concern for all beingsAs the shadow follows the body, As we think, so we become.

another day of insomia...... skipped lecture for IBM today... AGAIN......... couldn't get to sleep yesterday night till 4am.... i dont understand why....... this is killing me..... argh. headache.

lazy... but i have to pack my room today.... mum is getting on my nerves with all her naggings..... when her machine gun starts... everyone in the household gets frantic... her bullets never end...

CNY CNY CNY CNY, was the only thing i was looking forward to the entire week... or maybe, entire 2 wks... hur.... now that CNY is approaching so fast, i juz realised i kinda dread it.... cos after CNY will be the start of a very very very long journey to exams........ prelims, final exams......... hell....... everyone's starting to revise except me....... i cant get my bloody butt at my desk to start studying la, CNY looms over me...... gets me so excited whenever i juz think of it, and end up juz dumping my books back in my bag... no point studying these few days.... everything shall wait till CNY is over....... juz another excuse to procrastinate....

Happy 21st birthday May~!!! yay!!!!

"It's always a added bonus for a guy to fill a gal's heart wif tonnes n tonnes of surprises"

got this off wani's blog and thought it was quite true.... at least for us...

couples: this day should be extra special aside from all the other days that you two have already spent with each other. in any case that valentine's is the only occasion you two get mushy and passionate, stop that habit. if you aren't going to let each other know how you feel for the other person on a regular basis, be it by action or words, then you two should start questioning why in hell you two are together.

estranged: you feel your relationship is dead, with a capital "D". this is your perfect opportunity to step up. if the relationship is that important to you, do something. maybe words have only led to arguments. this day is the perfect opportunity to show them how you feel, and that you want to fix this rut. if they have any ounce of feelings left for you, they'll see how stupid they were to think the relationship was worth shit.

not very happy this Valentine. nevertheless, Happy Valentine's Day hubby. im sorry i was mad at u juz now, but i really thought u deserved it, since u didn't want to see things from my point of view. and im sorry i didn't return ur wishes juz nw, i was quite heated up.

3-4 yrs back.............................. reminisce....... *sigh* 现已不如往日.

i know this is abit late but THANKS! to Wani and May for inviting us to their bday party....

pics are up here: http://carinez1.multiply.com/photos/album/41

i like the last photo! nice!

hur, my lecturer juz postponed tml's lesson! dono should I be angry or happy...... angry cos it's so damn last minute!! i juz saw it on student portal (but posted 2 days ago la), happy cos i'll be free tml..... might be going vivocity to shop......... if only CNY can come every month..... so i can shop shop shop shop my guts out.... feeling abit guilty abt the large amt money i've already spent (or still spending).............. but the feeling will be gone by the time i get my angpows.... no lecture on Valentine's day! yippee.............. it was supposed to be the last lecture of accounting tml. damn. suffering prolonged to 22nd feb. bleah.

now i know why couples of 7 yrs, or even 8,9 yrs can break off suddenly, leaving everyone in shock...tat's because when they realised they're finally ready for marriage, the other half is not suitable for them. they'd been together for so long juz because they've gotten so used to the company they dont want a change...... they dont want a sudden change to their lifestyle... when ur family is already so familiar with ur other half u're juz not ready for the change........

when they're ready for marriage, they'll suddenly realise they have really different concepts about marriage....... really different ideals for their future...... and juz break off cos of this.......

we were juz talking casually about marriage, and life after marriage... and i juz realised, we trully have really different ideas about the life after marriage. and even quarrelled cos of it.

i want a home i call ours, OUR home, without other interventions, without his PARENTS. juz us, and our children. he, on the other hand, wants to stay with his parents. i dont know why he is so convention about certain things. so damn old fashioned, so straight that he cant twist and turn and think of other ways to accomodate to each other. he juz wants me to accomodate to him. always listen to him. always.

if i stay with his parents and him, it'll be THEIR home, not ours. really, i'll feel like the stranger there, the odd one out. conflicts will bound to arise. more ppl means more conflicts. nothing's happening now since im only a guest at THEIR hse during wkends, even if they are not happy about me about anything. they wont say. they wont show their discontent. in the future, when everyone's living together, living forever. there are BOUND TO BE conflicts, i swear. no matter how good tempered everyone is, there are surely bound to be conflicts. i really hate the idea of staying with others, especially older ppl. seriously, i cant even imagine staying with them for life, i'll juz die. so what if he's the only son? only son has the duty, I KNOW. FUCK, U THINK IM SO FUCKING HARD-HEARTED? then stay NEAR ur parent's hse ah!! then we go ur parent's hse everyday to eat ah!!! cannot meh? y muz LIVE TOGETHER??!

i dont understand why is he so conventional, why cant we enjoy our er ren shi jie together? why cant we think of other ways like buying a flat near his parent's hse? or why cant we go to his parent's hse everyday but we juz live in different hses? i really dont understand. even my parents are not so damn old fashioned. even my mum knows conflicts are bound to happen. even my mum told us specifically she dont wanna stay with us when we get married, not even my 2 brothers. they wanna stay and live outside on their own. juz stay near my bro's hse.

now im like the witch u see in mediacorp drama serials, the bad guy. and he's the good guy, good boy, good only son. fillial boy.

it's really this kinda things that make u dread of marriages and nothing else. i dont wanna get married anymore. marriage is not about juz the 2 of us. if ur other half just die die also dont wanna accomodate u. then the 2 shouldn't even be together at all.

i cant imagine me washing his socks, since he dont want to hire a maid.

i cant imagine myself teaching our children and caning them to do their homework while he acts like an angel and acts nonchalant and continue watching his 10pm news.

i cant imagine me doing housework and working all at the same time, since he said both have to work if not cannot support family.

i cant imagine me having to cook and wash the dishes while he reads his newspapers.

i cant imagine me having to wake up earlier than everyone else juz to make breakfast for them, and have to be the last one to have breakfast, and still have to clean up everything before going to work.

i cant imagine. i dont wanna get married anymore.

i will never get married. never never never if all these happen to me. i will juz divorce whoever the other half is. even if i've gotten used to him, so be it. i know for a fact, all these will happen to me. i just know. nobody will ever accomodate to me. never. why must i always be the one to accomodate to everyone else. why. why cant everyone think from my point of view and think from my perspective. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. if i have to live with ur parents then it'll be called YOUR hse, not mine. all ur family members and i'll be the odd one out. ya, ya rite, married then ur parents become my parents. u've lived with them 20 odd yrs and have gotten used to them, to their weird habits (if they have any, i still dont know, i juz 客串 for at most a wkend now), while i've juz joined for like hw many yrs. can compare meh? omg, i really cant imagine living with others. i really cant imagine. even at my own hse now i feel so pissed at times with my family members i juz stay in my own room. even own family members also quarrel everyday. what more with other ppl?

go ahead and think im a fucking bitch i dont care. i am like that. and i can be hell sure alot of ppl think like me too. even those so called "only sons" also move out and live on their own, but go back to their parent's hse everyday. they'd rather make the trip everyday than stay with their own parents. nowadays, u go and ask, which girl will want to share their own hse with somebody else. even if it's ur hubby's parents. none of my friends i've asked want to live with their hubby's parents. NONE.

think im thinking too far? think im thinking about all these for nothing? mark my words, all these will happen. WILL HAPPEN if ur other half juz wants their way. and die die wants u to listen to their egoistic so called "fillial piety" point of view. if u're already so un-accomodating now, wat makes u so sure u'll accomodate to me yrs later? then what for get married if ur hubby wont love u for who u are? why waste ur precious youth?

post note: i know, i know he's the only son. i really understand. i want to take care of my parents forever too. im not a fucking bitch for goodness sake. but i know they (parents) wont want to stay with us too, they want to avoid as much conflicts as possible too, do u really think they want to stay with us?? im really not as bitchy as i sound, but really, nobody will want to share their home with somebody. if u think a maid is an outsider, then i think ur parents are outsiders too. it's the same thing to me. i really dont mind visiting ur parents everyday at their hse. but at the end of the day i will still want to go back to my own nest for a rest. and not go back to a nest with so many ppl and so many conflicts of interests, it wont be like my home anymore, more like a warzone or something. it wont give me warm fuzzy feeling anymore.



im not thinking too much. dont tell me i think too much. im juz thinking ahead. and all these are really very very practical problems. i'd rather think about these problems now than think yrs later, only to regret everything, like those couples of 8, 9 yrs who'd wasted their youths pursuing different dreams, while being together. why cant we pursue a similar dream and work towards it together?

bad mood..... been feeling out of sorts lately....... been looking thru old photos from last yr till nw....... and realised my complexion was like 10 times much better than now (i think)....... dont know wat caused this dramatic change in my complexion......... now my complexion is so damn dry and PALE, so lack lustre.... as compared to last yr's radiance.....i totally regretted using Loreal facial wash....... made my face totally dry..... i remembered i was using Fancl powder facial wash last yr........ was damn good..... my skin was so good and always kept moist........ and wont flake so much, like now...... argh. Fancl, i'll get u after CNY. or maybe after nxt monday when i get HALF of my tuition fees. :P hate tuition agents, those blood suckers. but the tuition fees was meant for Valentine's day present.

................... hate it when he's at my hse, yet im blogging right here..................... right beside me....... but yet im blogging........ while he's sleeping........... hate hate hate hate the feeling............ feel so fucking lonely............ yet ur bf's with u... ironic rite.....

anyway, excited over 3 things.......... cny (OF COS, i've been going on and on about hw i love CNY so i shall stop it), and friend's ROM at his hse....... so weird, ROM at his hse.... dono la.... im the photographer... -_-" hur.... they might regret "hiring" me as a photographer....... hahahah dono got angpow or not.... the other girl is supposed to be the tea lady.... hahah to serve tea to the parents and the newly weds.... like not very official... but still quite fun.... and of cos, the party on sunday!!!

oh yah, and facial tml.. FINALLY, some indulgence.

busy busy week......

I AM SO BLOODY PISSED. stupid phone. stupid stupid stupid. argh. master resetted on it's own. ccb. then lost everything on the phone memory. only those in my storage card is left. angry! alot of things! part of my contacts gone also (cos some in storage card some on phone memory). not the first time. wahlao... then i realised it's SO USER UNFRIENDLY now... cos i upgraded everything on my phone... then now i have to reset everything again.. wah lao.. even the games i also have to download again.. really angry...

dead dead dead tired today......... tired's good though........ let me forget somethings, forget some ppl... woke up at 7 plus and couldn't get back to slp....... wanted to skip studying session with jolly at mac.... but still went.... and ended up talking for the FULL 2.5hrs...... non stop....... someone help us... we need to get studying soon soon soon.........

did quite alot of things today:

1. after "studying" went town to get music books for piano kid

2. piano kid's dad din reply my sms, so while waiting, walked all the way to park mall to satisfy my craving "martell chicken mee sua" heh...

3. walked all the way back to meridien shopping ctr again to buy the music bks. bought a belt for frigging $5 only. cos my old one ($18) got ruined by me. ccb. so much difference.

4. walked all the way to centre point and shopped at Robinsons. bought undergarments for CNY. anyway, as usual, kena cajoled by the aunty to buy FOUR frigging sets of undergarments. abit regret (frigging added up to 120bucks), but hell. retail therapy.

5. walked around at centre point looking for shoes and bags. found non.

6. reached home at around 8plus and started making some notes on a vanguard for my piano kids. (rhythm practice)

7. did my eRev thingy, wah lan eh. the timetable sucks hardcore. screwed up timetable, screwed up system. so many of my classes clash during the revision, on certain days i have to go school from 10am to 10pm....... really cheebye system they have. really pissed. then the rest of the slots all fully taken, then u have to click and refresh and refresh and refresh, hoping someone might drop out of the class (fat hope), but non will.

anyway, almost done with cny shopping........ still left with a pair of jeans, bag, and shoes, hair cut and facial. every year cny i'll spend alot of money... love my mum....... she din scold me when i came back with a bag of ahem, undergarments costing a bomb...... she din ask why i needed so many sets....... hahaha...... she juz said they're very pretty......... she told me "this yr better than last yr, at least nvr bug me for eyelash extensions, contact lens, dye hair" hur.

upset. depressed. moody. hurt. ouch. sorry. no use. heart. broke. leave. alone. flood. thoughts.

when a string of a kite is pulled too tightly, it'll snap. learn to let go and pull back when it's required, only then will it fly high. when it snaps, it will never come back. as long as it doesn't snap, the kite's still yours.

i've decided.................. to become a full time piano teacher after working for maybe around 3 or 4 yrs as an accountant........ i've gotten my new inspiration from the lady at Music Essentials at Meridien shopping centre.... she's damn COOL.... she looks super nerdy and normal.... but once she starts talking, she gets ALL ur attention.... she's so captivating when she talks.... if im the parent i'll surely want her to teach my kid ah.... so interesting... in a few year's time i wanna join the Singapore Music Teacher's Association... IF i can... get a music degree.... my teacher shen jing bing, she got a POST GRADUATE cert... she can be professor for music already...



i've counted................. if i start as a NEW piano teacher, say charge $30 an hr for beginners (already very little hor), and if i can get 25 students (5 students a day, each time 45 mins)........... i can dont need to work on wkends, and i can earn $3500 easily......... EASILY. note: DONT NEED TO WORK ON WKENDS, dont need to worry about Over Time. work less than 5 hrs a day. WAH LAN EH. no wonder my piano teacher's so wealthy ah.

it's "bandang" to write how much u love ur bf, or how great u think ur bf is on ur blog. cos somehow something will happen the very nxt day and last the entire wk. cb.

why do i have so many obligations, but non i can fulfil.

i'm going crazy. mad with sadness. drowning. dying.

i dont understand why it always have to be like tat........... i dont know why.......... i dont understand.......... i hate the sort of feeling........... torn between ur bf and ur frens.......... i am so so so so so utterly sad, guilty, bitter, disappointed about it, but i have no choice................. bf will be the priority (forced)........ i am so sorry............ i am disallowed to.......... not that i dont want........... i WANT!! but i cant!!! fucked up feeling! I SUCK!!! I FUCKING SUCK! fucking suck as a friend. fucking suck as a HUMAN BEING AS A WHOLE. i fucking suck. it's best that i disassociate with the world, it's best that i isolate myself, it's best if i can just live on an island, alone. I HAVE NO FUCKING LIFE OF MY OWN. I LIVE MY FUCKING LIFE FOR OTHERS.

fucking upset, but no one understands. don't expect anyone to. just leave me alone.

Pay attention (bloody funny!)

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the dissection table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor began the lecture by telling them: "In medicine, it is necessary to possess two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body."

To illustrate, he pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said, "The second most important quality is observation. "I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger." Now learn to pay attention."

went dentist today (urgh)........ I HATE GOING DENTIST!!! argh! the EeeeeeeeEEEEee sound keeps ringing in my ear even after the dentist had finished with my teeth.........i was clasping my hands together so tightly the dentist had to ask me to relax........ i really hate hate hate going to the dentist ah.... really painful! and it's not juz the pain........ it's the way the dentist twist and turn something sharp in ur mouth that makes me go crazy....... i can't believe i have to do an operation for my mutated wisdom tooth soon.......... oh my god... this "mutated" wisdom tooth has been in my mouth since i was working in Citibank..... i've been trying to drag for as long as i can not to go do the operation....... but now, it's really starting to hurt........ and my mum's forcing me to go operate it and get (yank) it out.... but i'll keep delaying as much as i can........... i've already told the dentist im only going to do it after the CNY, and im intending to keep to my promise (heh)......

10 things Carine's afraid of:

1. Dentist

2. Lizards

3. Lightnings and Thunders

4. Backstabbers

5. when ppl cry

6. When ppl aren't pleased with me

7. When something bad happens to my family (CHOI!! TOUCH WOOD!! CHOI CHOI CHOI!)

8. Ghosts (ok, only during certain time of the year and after watching ghost films)

9. When I leave my little bro alone at home

10. flunking major exams (waste parents' money!) (CHOI CHOI CHOI TOO!)

guess wat? my hp number opened FIRST PRIZE....... greatest thing abt it is i DIN BUY......... the LUCKIEST THING? my mum bought........... *phew* but just $1 big......... not alot of money, but enough to get me (and my family) new clothes for CNY.... yippee!! i must thank god, lucky stars, angels, or watever that's blessing me and my family when we're having abit of financial difficulties..... it's really a blessing........

load off my mind........

im so happy...................... going vivocity with my mum and little bro this saturday to shop..... bf's driving us there........... *blessed*

a kiss for the bf for taking his time out for me and my family despite he only has the wkends off........

First lesson of tuition this year went smoothly............ First boy i've taught..... very very nice boy so far..... so far so good..... he thinks maturely for his age (same age as my youngest bro age 9), maybe because of the things he's been thru at such a tender age........ guess wat he told me when i was explaining the phrase "兄弟" (brothers), he told me, "nope, i dont have brothers, i live alone with my dad, just the 2 of us only, my mummy died already"................. when he told me this, his face machiam wanted to cry already........... my heart ached when i heard this and saw his grieve-stricken face...... i didnt' wanna probe further....... but.... deep in my heart i wanted to know wat really happened.... did his mum really died? or did his daddy lie to him abt the truth? u knw when u watch serial dramas the dad always lie to the child abt the mum, telling him the mum died but actually the mum left them for another guy? something along tat line..... aiyah i think too much............. but i really feel alot for the boy.... he gave me a very very sad look again when he said he only goes out to play badminton with his dad and his GF and the gf's son on certain weekends, not every wkends, juz CERTAIN wkends.... i could feel he feel neglected by his dad..........i mean, if im the dad.......... and if i have a gf......... i might probably be tempted to spend more time with the GF rather than my son......... DONO la..... im so kaypoh.... but the boy is really so poor thing ah......... he's only 9years old.... and he has only his granddad to accompany him everyday............ and to think i've thought my little brother was very poor thing... i've always felt guilty abt leaving him at home since he's so young with only my mum and the SCV............ but hey! the poor tuition boy dont even have SCV at home ok?! he lives in a very very small flat...... with only his daddy (who is always not at home till 7plus or 8plus when he comes back from work, and perhaps, GF)..... at least my mum's not working and can accompany my little bro the whole day a home...........

anyway, my little bro is too spoilt by my mum........... he is really a little imp..... ironically, i dont tutor my little bro but i tutor other children...... stupid, u might think........... but seriously, u can NEVER tutor ur own brother, cos they'll NEVER listen..... they'll scream, throw tantrums, jump around until u bring out the cane....... tell me how to tutor him like that?!

my life is so dull dull dull dull dull. i have to get my CNY clothes soon..... i WAS SUPPOSED to go shopping today after class..... but i went home to sleep instead.... sheesh........ had a fun time with 204 gang juz now....... it's been such a long time since i've seen them... can't wait for another outing.........

2 giants behind are at least 1.92cm tall..................... SO TALL!!!!! i still cant believe JD shed 39KG after entering army......... gosh..... hahahah i wanna join army too!! can jian fei!!

fucking pissed. pissed. pissed. fucking pissed at the bf. bloody pissed. unbelievably pissed. cheebye. can't the bf talk to me in a better way? can't he talk in a nicer way? y must he talk to me like fuck? fucking hell the way he talk to strangers better than he talk to me ah. chao chee bye. ANGRY!

anyway. i have a piano assignment. scared to teach piano. argh. but easy money. bloody easy money. 1hr=32bucks. shiok. damn weird, i have to teach the 3 yr old child and the DAD. but anyway, no prob, i'll ask my piano teacher to teach me how to teach. i hope i wont screw it up. my first guinea pig hahahah...

the bloody agent is damn rude ah..... super rude ah!! wahlao eh... i asked the agent "huh? dad wanna learn piano? but it's super difficult for adults to pick up piano..." the agent said "difficult meh? or u dont know how to teach? just teach them music appreciation dont need to teach them for exam la" WAH LAN EH, how can u assume i dont know how to teach when i haven't even tried?! i wonder wat he told the family. when i told him straight i had no experience in teaching piano he was like, "you diploma leh" GO AND DIE LAH, diploma must have experience teaching piano ah. u so li hai u go teach ah. im just scared he go and tell the family rubbish, scared he lied to the family saying i have experience.

grrrrr......... why do i lack confident in everything i do?

i've got a tuition assignment........ FINALLY..... best thing is it doesn't go through agent!! yippee! dont knw if it's confirmed or not.... the parent going to call me tonight..... but i feel abit ripped off by the parent.... her bargaining skills superb........ really superb........ haiz....... at least from feb onwards i'll have some income......

wat i need most now:

MONEY

a perfect set of teeth

clever brains

energy to study and go sch

slim down another 2kg to meet my target

hair cut

dentist (yucks)

2007 Organiser (anyone know where to get them? i've been to many bookstores but they are either to ex or too ugly, i need those thin, long, floral printed ones, not those ugly black ones :P)

chinese new year clothes aka SHOPPING therapy

my bf.

i feel stupid when i'm around with him...... but i willingly let myself to become stupid.......... i just want him to protect his stupid little girl........ but apparently my "stupid-ness" sometimes gets on his nerves hahahah....... i dont understand guys who like witty girls....... if girls are clever and witty (even infront of their boys), then how can the guys' egos be put to use? (warped mindset of mine, forget i said tat, maybe some guys really like clever girls)

i miss my boy suddenly........ sometimes i find him so adorable, other times i find him so hard to comprehend...... i dont know how to describe this kinda feeling....... sometimes u hate him so much u wanna slap the hell out of him, sometimes u find him so adorable he juz keep hovering in ur thoughts....

maybe we should try to become "romantic" all over again....... u know, like strolling along the beach and try not to feel sticky and hot and pay attention to the romance....... or go to parks for long walks and try not to pay attention to the mosquitoes buzzing around......... or u know, walk in the rain and forget abt those wet sand in ur slippers......... have u ever felt extra lonely when u walk home at night, with the cold gentle breeze stroking ur face, and u suddenly wished ur boy was here with his arms around u......... sigh......... i've always felt extra moody/depressed when i walk home in the cold night....... juz brews the mood for me to reminise the old days.......... sad.....

i'm like so bothered about to give tuition or not to............. i'm so fucking bothered over sooooooo many damn things......... i need to give tuition cos im fucking broke, but i dont want to... i need to study, but im fucking lazy to start.... i need to do my assignments, but i have so little knowledge i dont know how to go about even STARTING the damn assignments.... ARGH! bloody pissed....

I'm desperately looking for tuition assignments....... please leave me all the agency numbers u've got....... :P i am damn fucking broke...

i wanna go overseas overseas overseas................... i dont wanna spend my 21st birthday mugging for exams.......... fucked up fucked up fucked up!!

i dont like it when ppl ask me to finish up my food when i simply cant finish (or dont want to)..... either im damn full or cos the food is simply not finishable (aka sucks!)......... i dont know why they must make a big fuss over not finishing my food.... i really dont like it then dont finish ah......... i know i know..... it's really waste of food... but i really dont wanna finish it cannot ah?? or maybe it's like a habit since young.... whenever i cant finish my food i juz tell my mum "mummy wo bu yao le" then my mum will surely say "bu yao jiu bu yao"...... actually i still do that to my mum now at this age....actually everytime i do that im hoping my mum will try to finish my food for me so i wont feel so guilty hahaha...but she normally wont...

i mean, i really dont mind u telling me off a little for not finishing up my food cos i know it's really a bad habit.... but dont start making a BIG FUSS out of it and start preaching me about the Africans not having any food at all to eat... (i've heard the story 100000000000 times)..... and most importantly dont give me THAT LOOK when u see so much food left on my plate.... i dont know how to explain THAT LOOK, but ya, it's that look i dont like.

been coughing like hell these few days..... can't sleep every night cos of my stupid bloody cough.... and i really mean bloody..... my phlegm is like hell green and bloody...... oh yucks.....sucks to be sick.............

well, it seems like a blessing in disguise though........... cos of this bout of sickness........... i slimmed down 2.3kg.......... yay! way to go! hur.......... of cos slim down ah.... everyday eat so little........ everyday suffer with sorethroat flu and fever......... wat a way to slim down.......... argh...........

the worst thing about this sickness.... i've got no voice left......... my voice became "sexy"........ everyone who heard me kept saying that i dont know why........ this stupid voice's been with me since wednesday.... my bf's scaring me that this voice might stick with me for the rest of my life..... CHOI!!! oh yucks.... wat a scary thought......... oh man........... i mean, i've really heard woman with this kinda voices leh............

everytime i gotta pay school fees... i feel so guilty for letting my parents spend and spend and spend so much for me..... i feel like a 败家 daughter.... arghhhh......... even piano fucking school fees.......... one lesson 1 hr=$70 bucks fucking gone!!! i nvr practice my piano at all!! wat the fuck... really hell waste of money...... i really feel like giving up........... mum keep forcing me to continue taking... take until so high for wat.........if not i would have time to study, would have time to take up part time jobs........... ARGH! i fucking hate myself........ fuck fuck fuck........

and fuck fever, flu and cough and everything.......... worst bout of sickness..... ever........ fever sky high... i feel so weak i feel so sick i feel so cham.............. i need comfort....... yesterday WAS THE WORST.... juz laid on bed and did nothing....

i should have juz died..........

i am so damn bloody tired............. i've been having problems sleeping.... AGAIN.... these few days.... thinking abt really STUPID things.........

nothing much these days..... really damn boring life i've got........ i need to really get my arse down to study..... if not im so screwed..... i've been pontenging hell lot of lessons.... i really ought to give myself one tight slap.........

i'm very materialistic. but im not the only one around.

something is really wrong with me. i dont know wat. i feel so..... D.E.A.D