i cant believe it.. and there i was encouraging him on my blog to jia you and quit smoking.. he went his police department chalet and started smoking agn.. i give up. i give up totally. he said i nvr encourage him. there he was smoking when i was encouraging him on my blog. he doesnt even read my fucking blog. how the fuck does he know whether i did encourage him or nt. fuck it. he said he will give me surprises, he will change, he will quit, he will talk to me more, he will tell me things. but he din. he din even fucking TRY AT ALL!

I HATE THE FUCKING FEELING WHEN IM RIGHT BESIDE HIM AND I DUN FEEL ANY LOVE AT ALL! COS IN THE FIRST PLACE HE DOESNT EVEN TALK TO ME! I HATE THE FEELING WHEN IM OUT HERE IN HIS SIS ROOM BLOGGING WHEN HE'S IN HIS ROOM WATCHING TV! WHY ARE WE ALWAYS SO NEAR YET SO FAR! WHY DO I FEEL LIKE WE'RE ONLY FRENS OR EVEN LESSER THAN TAT! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO TELL ME THINGS! WHY DOESNT HE EVEN TRY TO QUIT! NOT EVEN FOR THE SAKE OF ME!!

THE FUCKING PHOTOS ARE ALL FALSE FRONTS! I FORCED HIM TO TAKE THOSE PHOTOS!! HE DOESN'T SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES AND I HAD TO FORCE HIM TO SMILE! HE DOESNT SMILE WHEN HE TAKE PICTURES WITH ME! IT WASN'T OUT OF HIS LOVE FOR ME! IT WAS JUST COS HE DIN WANT ME TO NAG! COUPLES TAKE PICTURES AND GUYS WILLINGLY SMILE BECAUSE THEY CAN FEEL THE LOVE FOR THEIR GFS! COS THEY THINK ITS A BLESSFUL THINK TO TAKE PICTURES WITH THEIR GFS! BUT NOT MY BF! HE THINKS ITS A TORTURE TO TAKE PICTURES!!

I FEEL SO DAMN FUCKING LONELY EVEN THOUGH IM AT HIS FUCKING HSE! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING LONELY! I FEEL DAMN FUCKING COLD!

me and hubby pictures.. http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2130258518

my colleague pictures i just put up some other time... no time.. super tired nw..heh

Today was my last day of wrk.. surprisingly i felt a tiny bit of 'bu she de'.. bu she de frens i met there.. they were all soOOooooOO funny and nice today.. suddenly when i had to leave everything seemed so fun.. but anyway.. i THINK i wun regret quitting.. :P at least i can get to sleep more.. BAHAHAH... guess wat.. tat day when i din go wrk i slept 14hrs.. im one hell of a sleeper.. i hate computers... i only blog when im upset.. or bored.. anyway.. i tried sooo hard to wrk out wif my bf.. tried to control my temper.. and he said he will try too.. though i STILL din see any difference.. except the fact that he's been trying to quit smoking and hasn't smoked for 5days? i'll see how long he can last.. he said he will quit like 2yrs ago... anyway.. dun say i nvr 'jia you' him.. JIA YOU!

i think i will miss dialler.. i think i will miss cacs? will i? :P i think life will turn boring once i stop work.. as in.. all my frens are all working! hey come on frens, jio me out. and lynn. we will be slackinng from nxt wk on.. let's meet up at holland v someday.. just sit there and talk cock, or even just sit there and read story books.. i dun mind.. u guys read.. i study my theory exams.. i miss studying at coffee club.. i miss studying at cck cc.. i miss 'studying' wif THE gang.. lynn, may,rach, sam, ken.. 'studying' cos we nvr did really 'STUDY'; we just sat there and talked and talked and talked....my goodness... i cant believe i actually miss jjc.. im such a loser.. gosh.

anyway i'll miss my job.. FOR AWHILE... heh.. will just miss my colleagues tats all.. will miss jojo, moey, boon, puay, keth, hedi....... hahah.. notice all the 4 letter nicks? actually i only know my colleagues by nicks.. :P

td prev cco tat i will miss them... for awhile.. td prev cco to take care.... take care of my lc waivers and my ts!... prev ccos were suddenly so fun to be with on my laz day of wrk... td jojo to take care while we're gone and dun miss us.. td lyne tat i wun miss her cos i expect we'll be meeting up alot as we'll be officially in the jobless club when everyone else are wrking.. even our bfs.. :P

td my bf to try to be a better bf... and i'll try to be a better gf too...

td THE gang tat i wanna meet them up!!!! im damn free nw!! ask me out! let's go shopping! let's go swimming! let's go kbox!! let's go holland v coffee club and slack and reminish old times!!

i sound like a credit controller...

i can proudly tell everyone i WAS frm CTB CCMU= citibank credit control management unit.

i'm so proud i worked for more than 2mths, so damn proud of myself.. and proud of lynn too!! we survived!! we did it!! we earned our first ever pay in our entire lives and even managed to give some money to our parents!! we managed to survive working life (for awhile) despite our golden-spoon life in the past!

hello old life. or is it?

TO THE FUCKER WHO DOESNT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME AND WHO DOESNT READ MY BLOG!!!




FUCK OFF AND




DIE!!!!




I'VE ALRDY DELETED THE FUCKING LETTER TO YOU!! EVERYONE HAVE SEEN THE LETTER EXCEPT MY BF HIMSELF!! FUCK IT AH!!!! WATS THE FUCKING POINT OF GIVING U MY BLOG ADDRESS!! THE POINT IS TO LET U UNDERSTAND ME BETTER!! AND YOU DUN EVEN CARE! DUN EVEN WANT TO UNDERSTAND ME BETTER THEN I'M NT DOING ANYTHING FOR THIS FUCKING RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE!! TO HELL WIF THIS RELATIONSHIP I'M LETTING IT GO! ANYWAY U WANTED TO BREAK UP RIGHT! THEN LET'S DO IT THEN! ANYWAY U HAVEN EVEN ASKED FOR A PATCH!! PPL PATCH UP WIF FLOWERS AND GIFTS AND HUGS AND KISSES AND WAT THE FUCK DO I GET!!! JUZ A FEW SWEET TALKS AND I GOT TRICKED BY UR FILTHY MOUTH FILLED WITH STINKING TOBACCO!! FUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF I DUN HEAR U SAY AND SHOW TAT U WANT A PATCH THEN FORGET IT! LETS END IT.

damn sianz! lost so much!! around 40bucks... only got 250 bucks for new year this year... sooooooooooooooooooo un-money.. let's hope my pay gets in by nxt wk.. in FULL.. if nt i swear i'll burn kelly... i need to buy lots of things.. my bf's bday coming soon... need cash.. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

sooooooooooooooo damn bored man.. bloody hell.. just lost 10bucks frm gamblnig.. heh heh heh... all my frens either gambling nw or playing playstation.. ARGH! i feel so left out.. as usual.. my bf is so engaged in his games tat he doesn't give a damn.. so hungry... so sleepy.. no space to sleep.. so sianz.. no one cares.. PATHETIC!

and by the way... who wants to do buisness wif me... i wanna be my own boss and i dun wanna see lian se from anyone anymore.

anyway lynn.. our photos on this website alrdy.. http://www.imagestation.com/album/?id=2131165669

stupid fucking boss!! i hate my boss!!! ARGH!! i'm so fucking pissed!!!!!!! my boss wants me to go back work on NEW YEAR EVE! and the worst thing is everyone (as in every temps) dun need to go back except me and lynn!! so fucking suay!!! FUCKFUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

i hate my fucking job!!! i get scolded every single day!! there isn't a day when i dun get scolded by customers!!!! and i tot i wont need to go work tml and get scolded!! but im going to do bloody damn admin!! i dunno how to use microsoft excel!!! ARGH. haiz.

and the worst worst worst thing is my bf doesnt even comfort me when im so damn upset!! he juz think im being stupid; petty; narrow minded!!! ARGH.! FUCK!!!!!

im going to give my boss one tight slap and hopes he sacks me! then i can get sacked on the spot and dun need to wait 5wrking days!! if i quit i still need to tell them 5 days in advance! WAT THE FUCK! come one sack me!!!! (ya ya ya ya! as if i dare to slap my boss!! i dun even dare tell him im nt free tml on cny eve!!!)

im such a loser.

SILENCE

THE SILENCE IS SO OVERWHELMING ITS ALMOST DEAFENING.

i beg u. talk to me. pls. talk to me. everyone else just fucking leave me alone!! i jus want my bf to talk to me!!! just TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont care if u shout! i dun care just talk!!!!!!!!!!!!! MAKE ANY SOUND JUST FILL MY LIFE WIF SOUNDS! FILL MY LIFE WIF UR VOICE!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

He takes the 'life' out of me. pun intended.

for those faggots who doesnt understand wats pun; 'life'='live'


im made so boring by him. my life is in silence cos of him. he took all the sounds away from my life. he's always keeping quiet, he doesnt show enthusiasms when he's out wif me. he doesnt show any expressions when he's out wif me. he keeps to himself. he sits down when he's shopping wif me. he looks away when he's talking to me. he doesnt talk to me. at all. he only talks to me when we're at his hse. sometimes, nt even at his hse. im living in a world of silence. im living alone, though he's always by my side. i talk to myself, even though he's right beside me. the colours have juz been taken out of my life. im living in a black and white picture. dull, lifeless, liveless, stone.