ok............ so let's see what i've been busy with for the past wk..... im so DEAD TIRED NOW i can't help but dread Sunday abit....... best thing is, i've been having loads of trouble having a good sleep cos i keep waking up feeling neckaches and backaches and what not...... and not to forget dizzy spells and MORNING SICKNESS........ mine's not morning sickness.... mine has just manifested into whole day sickness.... intially was just evening.... it has apparently starting to extend its hours throughout the day..... hip hip hooray.... i will puke whatever i eat after nearly every meals.... so......... medicated oil has been my bestest fren........ and also the toilet bowl........ BLEAH

Monday: slept at 2am, woke up at 2pm... woke up 10 million times in between..... ate my favourite beef noodles and went to meet Annie who to pass her my wedding invitations.........

Tues: slept damn late as well..... same thing, woke up 10 million times throughout........ and went back to the office to do appraisals........ yes, fooking took leave and went back to the office........ had SUPER DUPER bad MS tat day..... wanted to have lunch downstairs but the person FORGOT my order..... so i just drank something and left cos i was in a hurry to go back office......... i started wanting to puke so damn badly in the cab..... upon reaching the office, i proceeded to hog the toilet for 10 whole mins to vomit what's left in my stomach (apparently nothing cos i din have lunch).... stayed in the office all the way till almost 5 before i could finally eat my dinner.... went bck to bf's hse to prepare all the ang pows, table sitting arrangements and what not.......

wed: went to do facial...... then went to meet sec 2 mates at jurong point all the way till 10 plus.... then proceeded to meet Syamzari at his hse to pass him the wedding cards........ in case u wonder whose Syamzari.... he was the one who brought me and my future husband to be together..... hahaha... so he's a super duper important person..... *shakes head* dont know to thank him or blame him for introducing my future husband to be.... tsk tsk.... hahahah KIDDING LAH

Thurs: finally opened the powerpoint layout Annie sent me yesterday..... she helped me prepare for the slideshow on my wedding night.... and i had a huge surprise...... SUPER NICE and SWEET......... if it's me, i wouldn't have done it so nicely..... all i had to do was to scan all my photos and just insert them into the powerpoint that's all..... i dont even have to think abt the theme and all! SHIOK-NESS...... but i din realise the SCANNING of pictures will take THAT long to do...... so i couldnt' finish it in time to bring to The Legends to test the AV.... i could only bring the half finished product along...... then was to meet the EMCEES of my wedding nite to prepare the script, edit and rehearse........ SHIOKNESS..... took us less than an hr to fniish everything........ worst part of today was just the waiting for the bus back home, TMD waited frigging half an hr......... or MORE.... and i had to carry my laptop bag, there was no seats at the bus stop.... and THERE WERE NO FRIGGING SEATS IN THE BUS........ i stood all the way with my bag, and laptop..... all the way till Clementi before i had seats... best ride of my life.... all the way i was feeling car sick and wanted so much to vomit on the person right beside me who was pushing and pushing me non stop....... !@#@!%! im so dead tired now.... but still scanning those pics....... retarded scanner..... its time i buy a new one.........

Suddenly it dawned on me........ that i wont be staying in this house anymore....... a sudden sense of sadness overwhelmed me........... the other day when we were discussing jokingly that i wont be staying in this house anymore infront of my little bro..... he actually teared secretly...... i could tell he will miss me....... i will miss him so much too..... my little bro will be the most poor thing........ my elder bro will be leaving for NS very soon in July........ and i'll be leaving by the end of this wk......... he'll be all alone.... with no one to talk to him, no one to cuddle him, no one for him to play with.......... he'll be all alone in the house with my mum........... suddenly within the span of 2 months, he'll be all alone...... from this year onwards, he'll be all alone........ i know he'll be very very upset....... i can tell... im tearing as i write this... i dont know why..... i can't help but feeling sad for him.... if only i will only get married 1 or 2 years later........ i'll still be in the house to accompany him.... maybe not alot of my time.... but i will still be around in the house should he need any help..... but when my bro's in the NS, and i'm not around.... who can he ask for help when the computer hangs? or when he needs ppl to help him download games? or when he's bored during his hols? omg....... i really cant imagine his emptiness....... he'll feel really empty...... i can feel it.........

i cant believe cant believe im getting hitched next sunday......... best thing is i havent really gave out my invitation cards yet......... well done, nice work carine wan. number wan.

SIBEH SIAN LAH.

i'm going to officially announce that i'm PREGNANT...... yes.... with a capital P.............. and that was the reason why i agreed to marry the bf (tsk tsk tsk) if not i wouldn't have.... hahahah.... hmmmm i know it's shocking to announce it here rather than u know, tell you guys upfront....... so.......... wish me all the best for me and my baby! i dont know if u all will judge me but i all i ask for is for me, my baby, my family, my future husband to be and his family to be in good health......

back to the preggy topic... yeah..... 14 wks this wk....... it took me alot of courage to want to keep this baby... i didn't know if i could handle the responsibility of taking care of a child, if i could handle the responsibility to even edcuate him properly..... i was afraid... afraid that ppl would judge me....unsure of what ppl will think of me, unsure of how my parents will react... will they scream at me? will they be un supportive? cos i was sure that if i were to tell them, i would have already made the decision by then... tat is, to keep the baby..... so if i dont tell them, i would have gone ahead to abort it....

i spoke to alot of ppl, spent around 1 wk to think about it........ you guys can't imagine what kind of torment i went through when i saw the Predictor thingy sayin "POSITIVE".... i cried on the spot....... in the toilet of the newly opened shopping centre at Clementi.... i called the bf and DEMANDED him to come and accompany me to see the doctor........... we went to the doctor together.... and the wait was HORRIBLE.......... for some weirdass reason, the bf was actually LAUGHING outside the clinic while we were waiting.... he was actually EXCITED.......... i couldn't believe it initially........ he had no idea how terrified i was, how frustrated and frigging scared i was....... he kept repeating one thing "then like tat no choice liao la, must get married liao, all my frens also like tat, i din expect to be my turn so soon".......... i just told him i was going to abort it........ and he stared at me for the longest time ever........ i think it didn't dawn on him that i would ever want to abort it, cos the thought has never even crossed his mind before.....

then was the talk with the doctor, and it was confirmed after a test that i was pregnant... and when he told me "you're 8 wks pregnant".... i nearly wanted to cry on the spot.........my first reaction was "doc, can you give me the number or name of any abortion clinic near this area to call".... my bf nearly flipped again.... i saw him telling the doctor "no"...but nothing came out... i think he just managed to squeak out a useless "no".... cos i was too firm, i was too convinced of my decision.......

tat day, after seeing the doc, both of us went to the place where we had our first date... bukit batok nature reserve........ we went there to talk about it.......and both of us cried..... he asked me to decide on it during my Cameron Highland trip which was just 2 days away....

and the rest was history.............. i think, along the way, after talking to me, he was sort of convinced to abort it too.... but then we decided against it.... and i dont regret it......... i was glad we decided to keep it.........both our parents were glad we decided to keep it.... cos the moment we told them "we din want it at first" both the mothers screamed...... "SIAO AH, how can dont want!"

alot of my frens were soooooooooo supportive during the period of time when i told them.... and i was really glad i had them... if not i would have died and not know what to do....... so, THANK YOU....

in case u guys dont know........ i've already gone for a couple of ultrasounds and these scans all the more told me that i made the right decision to keep the baby......... i could see the baby LIVE...... twitching around, "jumping", turning it's head and even SUCKING THE THUMB.......... omg.... i could see the spine, the fingers, the toes........ it's really amazing....

ya ya, i sound like a mother now. bleah.