by the way i forgot to mention.... i got a new wallet as a Christmas gift from the bf!!! (FINALLY!!)... it's time to ditch put my old wallet away!... but my new wallet's off-white.... and it gets dirty super easily... so i shall take care of it... (ya right, i got a purple stain on it on the 1st day, pen mark i think, tmd)...

the story of the Christmas gift:

bf: u go choose your present yourself, i buy for you

me: let's go gucci, i may find something i want there..

bf: ok, let's go... if you can find anything at/under 300bucks i'll buy for you

me: *excited, and off i marched to gucci*

bf: *sniggers*

me: TMD!! nothing under 300bucks! even a stupid cap was $450!

Christmas was D.U.L.L this year.......... i couldn't really enjoy my christmas cos of stupid work....... i was invited to 2 Christmas parties and 1 countdown party which i had to forego.......i was supposed to meet up with 2 gangs of ppl, which i also forego... i disappointed alot of ppl...but i pray they'll still invite me to Christmas party again nxt year..... heh....

Farewell 2008: The year's coming to an end......... i wonder if i've fulfilled any of the resolutions i've made for this year.... i think i've fulfilled some... like passing my piano exams and graduating this year........i just read thru my "wistful thoughts" column tucked nicely at the bottom of my blog..... long forgotten by me.... haha...

1. Graduate in 2008/ Get 2nd upper above! Prays hard... ---> DONE


2. Strike Toto/4D ---> ONCE, 250 bucks... hahah but i want more!


3. Go Thailand, Taiwan by 2008 ---> DONE half, went Thailand only..


4. Mitsubishi Colt Plus Turbo Car ---> WAIT ANOTHER 5 YEARS.


5. Glass Panes for Balcony ---> waiting for my mum to strike TOTO. haha


6. Gucci/Dior Bling Sunglasses ---> dont want it anymore... hahaha


7. iPhone ---> still contemplating between iphone or samsung omnia


8. More Shoes, Work Tops, Casual Shorts, Accessories, Watches ---> this will be permanently here. cos it's never ending... hahaha...


9. Earn more than 4k a mth in 2 yrs ---> really must wait quite long. tmd. considering the economy now.. pui.


10. Fancl Powder Cleanser, Origins/Biotherm toner, Fancl Blusher ---> bought long ago, other brands though...


11. All Dreams Come True ---> this will be permanently here too

i realised i've fulfilled some lah..... like going Thailand, graduating this year (but i din get 2nd upper though, sad).....i shall make another list soon... yah i know my list very superficial and materialistic, but im too lazy to think of deep profound ones hahah.... im a very practical person... down to earth, and very simple minded... anything can make me happy easily....but i guess i need to brush up on my wittiness... it's failing these days... i've done alot of stupid things recently and im regretting.....

well....... flashback on 2008.... now, wat did i do... i seriously cant really remember.... i only remembered the day i received good news about my results, that i passed everything and managed to graduate..... i went around the office telling the world and asking them to congratulate me... tat was quite retarded... hahaha... i remembered mugging not very hard for my exams..... haha..... i've got a lucky star.... i dont really study hard, but i still pass.... the star's been with me since young... but it failed during my A levels though.... hahaha... but if i didn't fail, i would have gotten a rather poor results which wont see me to taking business in the university.... and eventually, i wouldn't have met my uni bunch of gd frens, and i also wouldn't have joined my office and met the gd pals in my company too....

so, all in all, i din really have any regrets... cos i graduated... i joined my company.... i had lots of fun during my last year of uni.... i had lots of fun with my company pals.... it was hell lot of fun.... but there were times when i felt empty, lonely and unwanted by all.... there were times i felt really down....but it doesn't really matter to me anymore... i should look forward and not backwards.... it's all past.... somebody once told me about the past, present and future.... i can't really remember wat it was, but it goes something like: the past is past, and you can't really do anything abt it anymore... cherish the present and look forward into the future.... okok, doesn't sound very fantastic but it made quite an impact on me..... i'm still trying to look forward instead of backwards....

i dont know whats wrong with me these days... i let my emotions get hold of me and i show it all on my face... i didn't used to do that.... it's irritating.... my EQ dropped 10 fold these days.... i read it on the papers somewhere that you shouldn't bring your emotions to work... you got to leave it behind at home.... yes, i shall do that.... but i think, the reason i bring my emotions to the office... is cos i feel that those ppl in the office are close enough for me to open up and show them my emotions.... my gang at the office, are really that close... i feel... that i can open up to them easily.... just that i show it at the wrong location, i shouldn't do that in the office..... another major thing that happened in my year 2008, was i got to know the office gang.... they made me see what FUN was.... they showered me with the kind of care and concern that i really appreciate....

sometimes i feel too lucky to be true.... everywhere i go.... there'll be this particular bunch of ppl who will make an impact in my life... who will truly show concern for me, who will really care and appreciate me for my stupidity at times...at every particular stage of my life, i'll meet different bunches of ppl.... and it'll always be a super fun group of ppl.... and ppl who are really true to me.....

primary sch: pam and the rest of crystal gang whom i still hang out till now....they are the only ppl other than my family to still call me "kai lin"

secondary sch: yanwen and 04,06 gang... whom i seldom hang out, but always have unlimited topics to talk about, especially my dear yanwen....everytime i meet her for our dinners, the food will seem so totally unimportant....

jjc gang: lynnette and THE GANG... COT gang... they are also another bunch of my crazy-true ppl who always still drop me msgs, ask me how are things and ask me out...whom i had hell lots of fun even though i've disappointed them countless of times by being MIA....

uni gang: yvonne and the rest of the gang... yvonne who is ever so fairy godmotherly to me, whom i always have unlimited topics to talk about, whom really always help me out selflessly...

my office gang: angeline and the boys... angeline who's ever so fairy godmotherly too, and always offering to lend me 1001 things out of her wardrobe, who is always there for me to whine to.... the office boys who are always there to hold our doors, help us carry our laptop bags and help us buy lunch to pamper the only girls in the group....

looking forward: im trying very hard to save up for my future hse (if there's any) and future car (if any) hahaa.... but to no avail.... and im running out of clothes to wear....... so in the near future, AKA TOMORROW, im going to shop till i drop cos we're having HALF DAY OFF! woohoo... im sure everyone else are having half days off lah..hahaha but tml is the day where i dont want to stay over to work, where i can finally go shopping after a long long time.... well, i actually went shopping on christmas eve, but it was with an agenda of buying christmas gifts for my frens but i ended up not buying anything cos of the unbest timing, i had to rush off rather quickly...... so i didn't really shop for myself... but tomorrow, the priority will be ON ME. if the bf refuses to follow me to shop, i shall go shop myself. i dont care.

ok... tat was a rather long post......... so...i'll wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR in advance cos i shall be dead tired after my shopping spree tomorrow to blog...... START MAKING YOUR RESOLUTIONS NOWW!!!! it works when u put it down on pen and paper, or like me, on my blog (ok lah, mine's not exactly resolutions but more of a personal wish list hahaa)... somehow... u'll get at least a few things done on the list... cos u'll do it subconsciously... SO DO IT NOW.

女生爱穿高跟鞋， 为的不是要和男生平起平坐。而是在反地吸引力时， 有男生细心牵着。在不符合人体龚学的范围， 体验自然的爱.

saw this from a fren's blog....

HOW TRUE. What's with girls and shoes anyway... I never did realised that when i was still studying... that girls will need a million shoes... cos i always just wore my slippers.... but when i started working... i realised, girls need a million shoes.... to match different looks... and also, shoes get spoilt at an alarming speed... (maybe only in my case) cos for the past 2 wks, i've already spoilt 2 shoes... i need MANY MORE shoes... maybe i should hire a personal cobbler.......

i........ am..... damn fooking stressed............ i got to get my work done by monday...... cos the manager wants to review our work on the job......... so i was back in the office today to fooking WORK and i had to fooking forego my christmas partyyyyyyy withhhhhh my uni frenssssssssss really......argh......... i was quite upset actually....... that i couldn't go....... i wanted a day to relax and play and celebrate with frens that i haven't seen for many many months...... for this stupid job, i've foregone meeting alot of ppl including jc frens too......... like wtf..... shit job i've got here..... the client is #$%!@@# also......

how?! i havent buy christmas presents yet......... NO TIME!!!! how?!

being lonely is a scary thing......... it makes u think more, makes u more depressed, makes u "missleep"....... i realised...... im quite a lonely person......... i dont really have much social life........ i realised, if i dont meet my bf... im basically always alone.... it's all the more 明显 when i started work....... i didn't used to mind eating alone, i always always eat alone...... but these few months that i've been at work... i started to detest the feeling of eating alone..... it makes me feel.... all the more lonely.... it makes me think more..... i used to think eating alone is a good thing too.... you dont feel stressed when you're eating... you can eat at your own pace.... you dont feel rushed and you can finish all your food..... the reason why i always always cant finish my food, is not because im full or anything.... it's cos i dont want ppl to wait for me when im eating... so i rather not eat.... well other main reasons can be the food is shit.... cos im very picky with my food.... but nowadays i don't really have much choices cos food around my office area is SHIT.

当你孤单你会想起谁?

i was thinking........ it's been a very long time since the bf bought me something.......... as in, paid-in-full kind....... hahaha... cos i know he's going to go on and on about the half sponsored DS lite which i cant remember where i put...... i've been so busy these few mths at work that i totally forgot about my DS.... i shall go dig it up soon..... but i doubt i have the time to play anymore........... i've been envy-ing alot of ppl recently whose been having alot of fun/love/gifts from their lao gong and bfs recently.... when will it be my turn? *sighs*

since the Christmas festive mood caught up on me... i've been thinking and trying to rack my brains over the gifts that he's given me before.......... camera, ds lite and sponsoring for my 21st bday party were the most expensive stuff he's given me before....... 3 watches, 1 each for my bday (how boring)... haha..... wallet that i've been using for 100000 years and is going to fall apart soon.... 1 bracelet which i lost...... 1 ring which i also lost....... hmmmm... hahaha.. and many many sponsored stuff which i cant remember.... and also which i lost........ ok la, maybe he shouldn't give me anything afterall.... i'll end up losing everything....... give me something hugeass like a laptop or maybe something that i'll use everyday like the SAMSUNG OMNIA OR IPHONE then maybe i wont lose it..... hahaha.... ok, maybe even phones i'll also lose it.......but at least the frequency is lesser......... or maybe not......... hmmmm......

sometimes i feel like the world is crashing unto me......... i can feel it....... coming.......... soon......

this crazy thought just came into my mind... if i were to call anyone in the morning........ it'll be either 1) im going to be late so please help me cover my ass, or 2) im taking mc or urgent leave, or 3) i got into an accident..... but normally i'll just sms ppl to tell them im late or taking mc...... i call unless it's urgent.... so if u get my calls in the morning... PLEASE PICK UP OK...

haha just randoming.... cos i think she must have been the 1000th person to tell me that i dont watch out for cars when i cross the road...... I can't help it.... like seriously, roads. are. so. frigging. hard. to. cross. i swear. especially in the morning.

i've been saying alot of stupid things and i totally regret them.... where the hell did my EQ and IQ go??... i totally hate myself..... e.g: p&l need to extrapolate for interim? ans: yes. then trade receivables? (Balance sheet item!!! tmd!!) ans: NO!!! only p&l item remember?

well done carine, nice work. u're the confused queen. EMBARRASSING. i totally look down on myself.

and alot of other things i said as well. totally regret the moment i said them out.

office.... had been alot of, daggering around.... u need to have alot of EQ to maintain office relationships... and it's rather hard for a low EQ and IQ person like me... i need someone for me to take under cover.... under the protective wings of ppl to shelter me from watever daggers and arrows coming my way.... *ahem interprete that angeline heh*

i've been very very very very very moody this week.........
1. i didn't get to meet the bf. not even today, which is a fucking friday.
2. i said alot of regretful things example mentioned above,
3. i didnt' manage to get my work done,
4. i can feel my incompetency and inefficiency at work accumulating fast and i need to fucking do something abt it.
5. and the fucking list goes on and on.

The world just crashed on me and nvr said sorry. help. i'm struggling.

i din mean to be emo, to look emo in office. im just sleepy, tired, brain dead that's all. i dont want to be a emo kid to vie for anyone's attention. i dont need tat kind of attention. i just need to whine and let off some steam. i hope i din irritate the hell out of everyone. bleah.

cant sleep......... nothing unusual........ been having alot of random thoughts........ must have been the stupid 101 IQ questions i had in the office........ used up alot of brains today....... had to work and think about IQ questions at the same time.......

shall post pics of JB trip soon....... feeling quite lazy right now.......

met up with Yvonne dearest today.... felt darn good...... talked to her non-stop during dinner.... i couldn't even concentrate on my darn good beef burger from coffee club.... super good.... yummy..... okok, i concentrated... since i knew it was yummy.... *lame* we talked about alot of stuff.... talked hell lot.... from lame topics to serious topics... you name it....... i can tell her EVERYTHING under the sun..... and the best thing is, her sense of humour rocks! hahahah....

anyway.... im fine.... thanks for all the concern...... got quite a shock to receive calls and smses.... im really really touched.... u guys rock my world....

back to a boring wed tml in the office...... trying to tidy up my piling workload...... damn it........ im always in the office doesnt mean i got nothing to do ok........... i realised i got lesser things to do at client's place.... dammit.... at least u dont get aimed to do alot of random stuffs..... grrr.....

The laws of attraction didn't work........ instead, it backfired... badly....

i attracted that you will love me more. i attracted that you will dote on me more. you didn't. instead, u just hurt me. you initiated. i din want it. u broke my heart. badly. u dont understand me, what i wanted to say. my priorities have always been just you. i can ditch my frens just to be with u. i can do so much for u.

maybe it'll all be fine again tomorrow. maybe it will never be fine ever again.

i know you loved me. i just want to know how much. has it died down. or has it disappeared totally.

i just wanted you to know, i have always loved you. so much. so so much. even though i complained, i whined, i cried, i seemed nonchalant. even though i seem to pay more attention to my frens and my work recently, rather than pay attention to u. but u were always on my mind. i swear. i have nvr done anything wrong to you, ever, in my life. never.

im not sure if i can forgive. im not sure if i can forget.

i think i've lost my motivation to go work.......... i need to find a new motivation of some kind.... some god sent motivation maybe, to pull me to work....... i drag my feet to work everyday....... i got home today...... in a very bad mood..... i was stoning in the office the whole day...... i was damn sleepy..... rather moody..... very lethargic...... to even refill my water, to even go toilet........ miss huang had to endure my un-funness the whole day.... though i think i cracked her up with my seh-ness.... i said "fluck" instead of "fuck"....... i said alot of stupid things in my stupor....... trying to wake up frm my sleep...... i slept at fooking 2 plus yesterday.... couldn't sleep at all AS USUAL....i guess ppl are getting sick that i'm whining about my sleeping habits..... but i still got to whine... i feel very whiny these days.... alot of disappointments these days....... alot of things to make me whine....... and i just got back from a colleague's farewell dinner.... the food was nice........ im too tired to even blog.......

sometimes.............. i wish.......... you......... can........ pay.....more attention......... to..........me...................... im going to attract that you're going to love me more.... dote on me, protect me and shelter me from harm........... Laws of Attraction......... ATTRACT.

been listening to alot of songs lately, and whenever i feel like skiving in the office i'll just google for lyrics to sing along.... hahah.... skiving is a form of motivation to work sometimes too.... "i'll do after my break, i'll do work after this small break, just take 5 will do"

突然好想你

詞/曲/阿信

最怕空氣突然安靜

最怕朋友突然的關心

最怕回憶 突然翻滾絞痛著 不平息

最怕突然 聽到你的消息

想念如果會有聲音

不願那是悲傷的哭泣

事到如今 終於讓自己屬於 我自己

只剩眼淚 還騙不過自己

突然好想你 你會在哪裡

過得快樂或委屈

突然好想你 突然鋒利的回憶

突然模糊的眼睛

我們像一首最美麗的歌曲

變成兩部悲傷的電影

為什麼你 帶我走過最難忘的旅行

然後留下 最痛的紀念品

我們 那麼甜那麼美那麼相信

那麼瘋那麼熱烈的曾經

為何我們還是要奔向各自的幸福和遺憾中老去

突然好想你

你會在哪裡

過得快樂或委屈

突然好想你

突然鋒利的回憶

突然模糊的眼睛

最怕空氣突然安靜

最怕朋友突然的關心

最怕回憶 突然翻滾絞痛著 不平息

最怕突然 聽到你的消息

最怕此生 已經決心自己過 沒有你 卻又突然 聽到你的消息

歌手：Twins

作曲：林俊傑填詞：何啟弘

編曲：Mickey Chen

天空下起雨了

他撐的傘在你身邊陪著

可是我不快樂

因為看見他臉上的笑　

是很勉強的

＊我很想愛他　

但是眼睛在說謊　

隱瞞比較容易吧　

免得感情變的複雜

　我很想愛他

　但是理智在吵架

　退出可以解圍嗎

　誰能給我一個好的回答

＊愛情是模糊的可憐的

是沒有勇氣選擇

如果再捨不得這樣下去

我們每個人都是受害者

REPEAT＊當愛情陷在危險邊緣

是否都會傷痕累累

是否都會苦不堪言

REPEAT＊＊愛情教會我們都放不下

i can't take it anymore!!!!!!!! arghhh......... i dont understand why u must always spoil my Sundays...... y do u have to spoil it with your moodswings? i was looking forward to a very nice sunday with you.... we'd planned to cook at ur hse since nobody was at home.... but u had to spoil it right in the early morning with ur moodswings.....

whatever........

on a much lighter note.... all in all i had alot of fun in JB for the past 2 days.... i just wished it didn't have to end the nice wkend this soon.....

bad? good? sudden pounding, breathless....bad omen? good?

Everything - Michael Buble

You're a falling star, You're the get away car.

You're the line in the sand when I go too far.

You're the swimming pool, on an August day.

And you're the perfect thing to say.

And you play it coy, but it's kinda cute.

Ah, When you smile at me you know exactly what you do.

Baby don't pretend, that you don't know it's true.

Cause you can see it when I look at you.

[Chorus:]And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times.

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're a carousel, you're a wishing well,

And you light me up, when you ring my bell.

You're a mystery, you're from outer space,

You're every minute of my everyday.

And I can't believe, uh that I'm your man,

And I get to kiss you baby just because I can.

Whatever comes our way, ah we'll see it through,

And you know that's what our love can do.

[Chorus:]And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times.

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

[Chorus:]And in this crazy life, and through these crazy times.

It's you, it's you, You make me sing.

You're every line, you're every word, you're everything.

You're every song, and I sing along.

'Cause you're my everything.

Yeah, yeah.

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La

So, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La, La.

in love with this song that my best buddy from the office introduced to me....such a SWEET sweet song.......... awwwww....

i can sense an oncoming bout of flu....... im screwed... i can't fall sick these 2 wks....i got things to clear.... and im clearing my leave nxt wk..... so i got to do everything by monday.... i was told to hand everything up by nxt monday morning..... and i havent even finish anything yet.... im dead....

i've decided not to bitch about work here..... just in case... so i deleted the whole entry..... it's just not right... like WHAT IF they managed to find my blog... i just realised i broadcasted my blog on my friendster... so it's not a good idea afterall.... sigh..... tats the thing about public blog... you can't bitch... maybe i shud set up another one.... just for bitching.... and random rants abt work....

hmmm... i still haven't got time to upload photos from my d&d.... ALOT of photos... i gotta go sieve them all out.... might do it in the office tml... wahahha... best employee award goes to me, and angeline.... we do the most retarded things in the office can.... i shall not name them here, for fear of ears behind the wall.... watever the case, we rock.... hahaha.... the office apparently had been very boring without us, the rowdy gang...... we've been at the client's place for the past wk........ different clients somemore.... the only way of communication is thru sms, and SKYPE.... SKYPE IS THE BEST can..... makes me forget about my heavy workload..... MASS SKYPING is the best.... rocks man.... we talk uber cock in skype... and we always burst out laughing at our monitors while everybody else is working.... i told u, best employees............please, i got do my work ok..... just that i can multi task RATHER well.... well, maybe it distracts a TAD bit, but still, i dont think it matters, as long as i get my work done.... good enough.... i just wasted my wkend on the bf's assignment..... can i get the best gf award also? we went it's ok, he returned by sending me to work almost the whole of last wk, and also tomorrow! woohoo.... i can have time to la teh and have my breakfast in the morning cos i'll be damn early can............

anyway, driving to Suntec is CRAZY... fucking ERP costs 6 frigging bucks..... he sent me to the client's place twice last wk and he's been grumbling abt the ERP non-stop.... i can't blame him.... it's really fucking crazily expensive..... knn.... anyway, im such a good gf. give me a pat on my back.

argh.................. just feel like shouting...... this D&D thing is DRIVING ME NUTS........ it was fun, INITIALLY.... towards the end as it comes nearer and nearer to the actual performance i feel like giving up.... it's sooooo draining..... i'm part of the organising committee for the group's dance performance and we got to start everything from scratch..... from the music to the dance to choosing the ppl and even to choreographing moves.... i can't believe i'm actually choreographing dance moves when i really suck at dancing.... i think i look like a faggot when i dance...... grrr..... can't even shake my butts can't move, i'm always so stiff.... im so scared ppl will actually laugh at me when i dance.......

we've been marathoning for this D&D for the past couple of days ON TOP of our own workload..... it's really overwhelming..... i'm going to faint soon....... we ate dinner at only 9 plus for 3 consecutive days i think..... did i mention i had very bad gastric yesterday? i almost fainted of hunger & gastric again today, yeahness to gastritis, or however u spell that....... i didn't think i'd ever ever have gastric problems........ but now i'm doubtful... hur.... considering the superrrrrr not regular meals...... and i'm always forgetting to eat...... i swear i can forget to eat ok? dont doubt me.... i can swear on it..... the bf doesn't believe that i can forget to eat.... but tat's because when i'm with him the only thing we do is to eat....... so i'll nvr forget...... but when i'm alone, i'll forget to eat...... although i'll feel hungry i'll still forget cos after being too hungry you wont even feel like eating anymore.... but nobody believes i can forget to eat, so fuck it.....

i've been always in a daze, especially in the mornings...... and i realised it's starting to get from bad to worst..... it's been like the 2nd time this wk i think, that i've been honked by a car in the morning cos i havent been paying attention when i'm crossing the road...... shit......... dont know wat the fuck im doing....... if this is the case now, i wonder wat will happen during super peak period..... i'll be more likely to die from car accident than stress from work..... *CHOI!! TOUCH WOOD*

i'm broke. very broke. ya i just got my pay but im sibeh broke. alot of liabilities. alot of bloody things to buy. ENDLESS things to buy. boss's wedding nxt wkend must give red packet, SHIT. D&D dono wtf to wear. EH ANYONE GOT 80s STYLE dresses/tops watever to lend me?! I DONT WANNA WASTE MONEY BUY LEH!!!

This ultra long weekend was rather fulfilling for me.... did alot of things..... Friday: KTV with colleagues

Saturday: Helped bf do assignment + watched soccer with his frens at night

Sunday: Did assignment AGAIN + Prawning till 3.30am

FIFTY TWO PRAWNS!

Monday: Bf's mummy's birthday at Bottle Tree park for dinner and FISH SPA.....ya i know fish spa will get the fungus thing, but we only did for like 15mins ok one lah.... it was DAMN ticklish! and superrrrr gross when i first stepped inside the pool.... but after awhile it felt quite shiok... hahaha..

Look at our reaction when we first stepped in.... my expression DAMN UGLY...

Dinner at Bottle Tree park/village

Tuesday: JB!!!! made my new specs (yes, oakley again, cost me a bomb), i hope the frame i chose doesn't go out of trend easily... made the decision in sort of a rush, and out of peer pressure.... shit.... and i went for full body massage! shiokness! but it was bloody painful and ticklish ah.... but it was SIBEH funny to see the bf screaming and squirming in his seat when he got tortured by a hugeass guy... hahahah... the bf is super lousy can!! he can't stand pain at all, he had to hold on to my hands and squeeze the little bolster and he even pleaded the guy to STOP for him to rest.. can you believe it? he was really SCREAMING lor.... and SO WAS THE OTHER GUY.... damn funny can?! the girls were in pain too but the most we did was a small whimper... the guys?! screaming their lungs out.... tsk tsk tsk.... i've learnt something today, GUYS CANT STAND PAIN.....

anyway! my wkend was FUN! i want to go Bottle Tree park again, i wanna play paint ball there!! sounds damn fun ah..... i didn't join previously when the company organised it cos it was a REAL competition, CPA games.... yes, auditors know how to have fun too k? they have CPA games.... inter audit firms games...i can so imagine nerdy, geeky auditors playing... wahahha... no lah, my company's auditors are not at all like wat i've described..... anyway, there's bball, pool, CS, soccer, badminton and even paint ball for CPA games.... it's kinda cool... and we won quite a few....

will be back to work tml again... SIAN... can't wait for friday to come again!

just came back from prawning.... tired but can't sleep.... the 3 of them caught FIFTY TWO prawns ah..... like wtf.....brand new record..... i ate prawns till i got sick of it.... i hope i wont fall sick tml....... prawns overdose.... took pictures... but lazy to pose it up.... shall do it another day and show our catch....

took leave on Tuesday and sort of regretted it, just realised i dont have anything to do, really dont want to waste my leave just like that..... i wanted to go for a short overseas trip to Batam or Genting.... but apparently the bf doesn't want to go..... *sighs* planned to cook at home on Tuesday but his parents are not working on that day, which means it's a no-go too.... we're planning to go JB for a day of shopping and making my specs........... i REALLY HOPE it'll work out cos i really want to go make my specs.... my specs is going to break anytime soon, cos i bloody sat on it for more than 3 times i think..... i brought it to the oakley care centre and they told me it's beyond repair.... my specs is crooked like shit and causing alot of pressure on my ears..... hurts alot.... i just want to get out of singapore lah......

it was a blast of a night yesterday..... if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes, i wouldn't have thought that even AUDITORS can be THAT CRAZY.... hahahhaha.... i kept smiling to myself the whole of today cos i kept thinking back to yesterday's crazy night at Kbox..... really shen jing bing.... everyone went CRAZY except me and 2 other male colleagues.... hahhaha... i can't go crazy without alcohol la.... but i enjoyed myself thoroughly.... it felt REALLY GOOD to go have fun after a long week at work.... and i'm sure the rest felt the same way too, given their crazy antics that night.... it was really F.U.N can...... although i may LOOK bored to them, cos i din sing much....my voice is like SHIT and will go haywire one, how to sing.... BUT, i was enjoying myself so much i couldn't stop laughing.... although towards the end i was really so damn sleepy i actually fell asleep even though they were screaming their lungs out... REALLY SCREAMING.... not kidding.... even some auntie came and look at us....

anyway,i feel so blessed with such crazy, loveable colleagues..... looking forward to another session with them SOON, before the peak comes.... it's actually the peak now... but it's just the start... i hope we can still have fun before the work comes pouring in....

Thank goodness for great colleagues at work.... not just colleagues, i think i've found a great bunch of good friends..... audit life would be SO DEAD without them........ at least i feel i'm still alive and kicking with them around.... they ARE SO FUNNY CAN...... i laughed myself to death today while we had dinner together..... i nearly threw up my subway while i laughed till my tears almost trickled down....

my fren always say "傻人有傻福" i'm always lucky to find very gam kakis whereever i go...... be it in school, office or anywhere..... i'm so glad i found them....

it's been 3 wks since i last blogged........ and no, i'm not dead yet although i'm almost there.....

well, other than some office politics here and there...... i'm very happy with my working environment... and enjoying the warmth of my lovely colleagues especially the lunch-group-gang..... and i'm often touched by the way we stay back to help finish each other's work, often till very late at night..... we actually do stay back and try to help out..... but often, i'm the one who needs the help...... hahaha... they always stay back to help/accompany me..... which really touches me, and often makes me very paiseh to make them stay back for me..... the point i'm trying to say is, i'd thought it was very difficult to find good friends you can really trust and be with, who really cares and go all out to HELP, when u step into the so called "adults" working life...... i guess i was VERY wrong...... i found one whole gang of them.....

oh my god i'm so frigging BUSY can.... i'm so busy i feel TIRED EVERY SINGLE DAMN DAY....... grrr..... i've got like tonnes of things to do..... and the for the 2nd time in my life i actually brought my work back today and actually DID IT.... big round of applause for me please..... i nvr once did my assignments from uni at home can.... NEVER...... i always do it on the spot right after class or smth and just do it haphazardly..... now, if i do it "any-o-how" i will KENA from the bosses, and MIGHT also get myself into litigation troubles.....

BACK TO WORK. *growls*

i miss his smile he flashes whenever he meets me after work..... i miss the way he tells me that he misses me and the only motivation after his work is meeting me.... i really wish he comes back...

i find him more and more irksome the more i see him.... the long face he pulls whenever he sees me....... i know he finds me fucking irritating.... then what for we meet? i just want time off. i need time off. time off from his irksome, irritating face. i need time off from his black face everytime he sees me. he won't even listen to me anymore. he can totally ignore whatever questions i ask him, pretending he didn't hear anything at all.

it's so obvious something is wrong. i'm just waiting for the time to break up with him. really. it's not that i don't love him. it's just damn obvious he don't love me anymore. can't you tell from all these reactions he gives me?

i was never much of a music/song fan..... i don't normally listen to music and only listen to radio occasionally (point being, i only listen to mainstream songs)...... but i just realised i SHOULD listen to music while working cos working hours will pass alot quicker.......... i was listening to mambo songs and i've got such an impulse to go clubbing......... i've been deprived of alot of things recently (or maybe since long ago) and i think i need to get my deprivation satisfied.......... it's sad.... cos when u start working, when u start a relationship, you lose everything....... you lose your social life.... you lose your occasional dosage of clubbing fun....... you lose alot of things and forget how to have fun, forget how to laugh really sincerely........ which i realised, are important elements of my life to make me feel happy again........ one cannot have total refrain......... it'll KILL you slowly and surely.

i cant believe my stupidity........ i brought my working papers out to do while waiting for the bf to study for his exams.... but i didn't bring out my BRAND NEW thumbdrive....... i remembered very clearly that i stuffed my thumbdrive in my pencil case.... but i couldn't find it anywhere in my pencil case....... it might be in my other bag, but i really did remember that the last time i saw it was in my pencil case!!! argh.......i will KILL myself if i lost it cos i've barely used it for like, 2 days?! FUCK lor....... oh my god..... i'm such a careless bitch i hate myself.... so now i've got frigging NOTHING to do while waiting for him.... PLUS i've got plenty of outstanding work to do......... BEST. not in the best of mood these days..... i dont understand... how can any couples continue to be together without any communication. how can any couples last if one love to be autistic. i really dont understand. what for meet up if nobody talks? why do we meet up if both do not appreciate each others' presence? this is getting really tiring. it's just so hard to continue. i dont even feel like talking to him anymore. i dont feel appreciated by him at all. my presence doesn't mean anything to him. my conversations dont mean anything. he dont even bother to even ACT like he's listening. then why do i bother talking to him at all? i'm just waiting for the time for all this to end. maybe i should just move on without him. it's really getting on my nerves. affected me at work. affecting my appetite. affecting my social life. affecting me so so much. how can someone's mood change so fast? how can HIS mood change so fast? how can a guy's mood change so fast? i'm finding it too hard to keep up. forgive me. but i really can't do it anymore. <> not that i don't love him anymore. it's just so hard to love him EVEN more, given the attitude given by him, given the strain that's been put to this relationship by him. i just need someone to listen, to reply, and to interact with. issit really so difficult? I recalled somebody told me of this funny but true conversation. "How can you still love her after all these years? How do you maintain this long relationship?" "my love for her has never changed. My tolerance level did."

Mr petty is at work again. fucking hell. it's confirmed that praising the boy infront of my frens is JINXED. CANNOT praise him. Pisces are pretty emo, sensitive and imaginative ppl. Taureans are practical, down to earth, straightforward ppl. How can these 2 creatures match?

THE anniversary is nearing. And the Cow is so totally broke. How to celebrate 1st Oct? I was intending to treat for the anniversary for the first time. But now......... it's rather hard......... *sighs* I CANT WAIT FOR THE BLOODY PAY FOR THE MONTH

YEAH!! the IT ppl finally unblocked livejournal!.... happiness... i can finally post online now....... i hate waking up to go to work.... bloody HATE it.... my heels are KILLING me..... i think the lower part of my legs just got "bulkier"..... it's rather mascular now and i bloody hate it......... looks damn ugly........ it's so bloody B-O-R-I-N-G in office....

i think it's the first time i've blogged so damn early in the morning.... and it's so hot and stuffy at our area...... and it's damn retarded cos it's superrrrr cold at the other end of the office..... i'd rather it freezing cold lor.....i'm soooooooooo broke.... i've got alot of "contingent liabilities"..... i've got to pay for my own piano lessons now.... give allowance to my parents...... repay a huge amt of debts to the bf....... and on top of that i still need to pay for the stupid transport expenses........so by the end of the mth i'm only left with like, 400bucks for my daily allowances? which is bloody LITTLE... how to survive??? the only way to survive it is by skipping my dinner everyday.... or maybe for 4 days..... monday i can have dinner at the bf's hse.... *sighs*

it's been a long time since i've blogged.... i haven't been really busy in office...... it's just that the IT ppl have "upgraded" and decided to block off livejournal as well....... i can blog right now cos i'm like a walking virus....... today's the SECOND day of my MC.... yes, AGAIN.... i told you i fan tai sui rite?... yep, my eye infection decided to re-infect me yesterday...... my eye was superrrr itchy and red yesterday morning, but i went office anyway........ but the whole world asked me to go see the manager to "prove" to him i'm really sick and not chao geng to ask for his permission to see the doctor....... and so, off i went.... the first thing the manager said was "wah u kena boxed ah"..... hahhaa...... and released me straight away to see the doctor....... the doctor said it's VERY contagious...... might pass around the office like dono what..... and so, she gave me 2 days of mc...... so i've like, taken 5 mcs (ALL NOT CHAO GENG) in less than 2.5 mths that i've been there...... which is SUPER not good...... *sigh* i really totally DO NOT understand why i fall sick so super easily these days....... something is really wrong with me...... maybe cos i'm so super unhealthy.... eating out every single day...... but you can't blame me what.... i dont have a mother who knows how to cook..... i've got a super good cooker at home who only cooks for his customers.... haiz..............................

i think i fan tai sui this year....... i've been sick all the time....... my eyes started turning red and irritated yesterday when i was in the office..... it became worst when i reached home.... my right eye started becoming swollen and i almost couldn't open my eye at one time....... this morning, my right eye was totally GLUED together... i couldn't open it until i went to the toilet and kept washing my eyes....... it hurt ALOT when i tried prying my eye open...... and i got a shock when i looked into the mirror cos it was completely SWOLLEN..... my right eye was already smaller than my left to start off with.... now it's totally damn small....... my eyes already so small, and now it became alot smaller..... i totally look like shit now........ not that i've looked nicer before, but it's worst.......... gosh, i feel so pissed.... i really wanted to go for work! cos i've been given so many days of leave i feel so bad! ARGH.

was looking through old photos from my computer..... and saw photos at my granddad's bday in Feb...... when i saw my granddad in the photos i almost burst out crying...... he was still healthy at that time...... he could still carry the youngest granddaughter on his lap to cut his cake with him....... how can a person's life end so quickly? how can a person's health deteriorate so quickly........ in matter of months, my granddad was reduced to a pack of bones the last time i saw him, just a few wks ago........ the last time i saw him, he was really so sickly..... he couldn't even close his mouth...... his arms were so shaky..... and the last thing i heard from him was when he suddenly chanted out very loudly the buddhist chant...... so for the past few days, when the monks chanted this chant, i could almost hear my granddad's voice chanting together........

i wonder how i'll feel tomorrow when we go to the crematory...... it'll be a very very very sad moment for all of us.....

Just a few updates...... my paternal grandfather just passed away peacefully on 25th August.... the funeral will be from 25th to 28th and he'll be cremated on 29th.......

i wasn't very close to him.... but when the monks chanted the sutras i felt an overwhelming sense of sadness..... maybe it's the sad lamenting tone the monks used... i dont know.....or maybe it's cos we had to go around the coffin, knowing that your granddad is there, under that cover doesn't make it any better....

anyway, it's not been very hectic so far.... cos we're quite lucky to have a few maids around to help things out...... and i've been sick since yesterday... the same old usual ailments, flu, cough, fever.... and bones aching.... the fever thing is really very bad.... makes my head throb like mad......

my company was very very kind to send a flower wreath to the wake..... i was very touched.... the funeral's supposed to be 5 days, and i only have 3 days of compassionate leave (i took the last 3 days), but the boss just let me off very early this morning so that i can go back and rest and help out at the wake.... was really touched by his gesture.... i dont even need to take any extra leave or any thing, he asked me to just leave....... and he even asked around the company for the "bai jing".....

we saw a black butterfly directly on the ceiling on top of the coffin when the chanting started.... we wondered if it was granddad.... and the butterfly disappeared when the chanting stopped..... i was actually quite shocked.... i've heard many stories about the dead turning into black butterflies..... and appearing at funerals...... cos nowadays u dont normally see butterflies flying around do you? and it actually was on the ceiling for a very very long time directly on top of the coffin until the chanting stopped.....

i fondly remember my grandfather as a fish lover....... he loves eating fish..... especially steamed ones.... and dipping them into chilli and soya sauce.... and producing sounds of satisfaction as he chews on....... when i was young, i would sit beside him and eat fish with him..... he'd take out all the fish bones for me and prepare a soya sauce without chilli....... and asked me to dip it in..... whenever i'm around, he'll always ask me to sit beside him..... i remember him sitting on his favourite rocking chair..... it was really his favourite....he'd sit there all day and rocked and watch tv.... his favourite past time was watching the stock market on the teletext......he plays the stock market and never got burnt...... he always asked me to push his rocking chiar....... and often asked me to sit on his lap on the rocking chair when i was young.......

sad to say, that was all the memories i had of him..... we grew more and more distant from each other when i grew older....... i'd only go his house once a year, or maybe twice a year....... but i still love him as my grand dad....... i really respect him alot...... he was the only one in my dad's family who does not show biasness against girls....... he wasn't like my aunts and uncles who were really bias towards my older brother..... i remember clearly once they accused me of stealing my grandmother's $500 when i was primary 2.... primary 2 leh..... do you know how traumatised i was? when i was in primary 2 the only big bucks i recognised was $5... i think $5 is more than $500.... at least it's more useful to me.... in the end they realised they misplaced the money....... ended up accused me for nothing...... all the while my grandfather was the only one who didn't say anything, didn't accuse me and just kept quiet...... i knew he didn't think it was me......

阿公，祝您一路好走。。。原您已经到了极乐世界。。。我们会永远想念您。。。

At the spa house Rangnam..... Thai Massage damn shiok! I fell asleep! but i asked the thai lady to "soft soft!!" cos i'm so scared she'll crack my neck and body.... virgin massage leh! scared lor!.... super nice place, a place specially for spa..... nice ambience, nice service, nice bed....... hur... 2 hrs for 600baht for their traditional Thai massage... did i get conned?? or issit damn cheap?

Some roadside stall... one of the nicest dinner i had there..... we kept eating our meals in FOOD COURT..... go Thailand must try roadside stall lor!!! some of them in the group scared of eating roadside stall.... BOO.....

oh my god, this is DAMN GOOD..... prata with banana, topped with condensed milk and chocolate....... YUMMY.......

in Tut Tut... or however u spell that....

look familiar? i've took another similar picture when i went Vietnam visiting Mekong river.... we went to visit the floating market in Thailand.....

Snake show.... the stupid performers threw the damn snake at the audience (part of the whole show) and scared the shit out of me cos he threw it DIRECTLY at me and the snake climbed out of the fence surrounding the stage!!! gosh.... the emcee kept shouting "Don't move don't move!!" but we ran anyway.... we're not supposed to move if we get attacked by snakes... they're almost blind and can only sense movements.... as long as u don't move they'll think you're a tree or smth......

Yucky fangs....

Yummy breakfast in hotel....

Poor dogs!!! but they are SOOOOO cute!! all teacup puppies! damn cute lor.....

Our boat man.... we had the entire big boat to ourselves when we visited the floating market....

smile!

the aunty kept asking me to buy stuff..... my bf kept asking me to say no, cos i'm so tempted to buy frm the poor aunty... she looks damn ke lian.....

another breakfast meal at the hotel....u realise we only take photos only during breakfast? i nvr really take much photos lor.... bloody hell... DAMN WASTED...

Friend on the other Tut Tut.... the boys in our group kept joking around asking the Tut Tut driver to wheely ah! wah lao! i was so scared that the driver will really do that lor.... but yet i wanted to try what it feels like.... anyway, there was one tut tut driver who was damn reckless.... in an attempt to beat the traffic jam, he drove up the kerb and drove on the pavement... MY GOD, when he went up the kerb my heart almost flew off... cos he was going at such a fast speed! i'd almost thought we'd flip over lor!

yep, we had dinner in the hotel..... quite a shiok-ing experience....... BUT i'd rather spend the money on somewhere else instead........ like shopping?!

i ate this!! it's DAMN NICE despite the fugly appearance..... fried grasshopper.... hahaha... i always try fear factor stuffs when i go overseas.... heh.... remember Vietnam?? Vietnam was WORST... i tried the half egg half chick thingy, lamb brain and cow blood soup.....

This should be on top, dont know how it came down here.... anyway, our flight was good old jerky, shaky Jetstar.....

PINK CABS!! i realised the Thais love pink stuff... i saw a couple of pink vans, pink buses pink motorbikes.....

some random souvenir shop.....

this was the first day damages at Naraya..... i bought more stuff on the 2nd day.... hahha..... it's DAMNH CHEAP...

my breakfast..... this pic was supposed to be up there........

I 'm back from Bangkok...... Bangkok was......... quite fun... but could have been even more fun.... cos of some spoilers here and there... i'm not sure if those spoilers will come read my blog so i shan't reveal much... just that i'm not very satisfied with the trip.... i really thought we could have gone to more places, shopped more, ate more and enjoyed more....

one of the very big mood spoiler was my bf..... really defeated the purpose of "Going overseas with the bf"... what's the point of going out with the bf when he's having the "time of the month" thing.... like wtf... he showed me the "i not happy" face throughout the trip.... really damn pissed... totally spoilt my holiday mood..... i already told him NOT to go out and stay out too late just before our trip.... but he just wouldn't listen.... ended up he was so tired on the first day he just flared up at small things........ he will talk to his frens, laugh and joke around with his frens throughout the trip, but when he turns around and face me, he just acts like i'm transparent, wouldn't even talk to me, wouldn't even look at me, wouldn't even respond when i talk to him..... he was on and off this mood throughout the trip.... which really pissed me off....

BUT, the shopping was REALLY GOOD.... i shopped till i dropped.... i almost couldn't squeeze in my stuffs into my luggageS.... i brought extra luggage to Thailand, and even so, it was full to the brim....

on a sadder note............ so fucking disappointed with the bf, and the trip..... and everything else...........i can't stand the bf anymore....... i really feel we've lost the love... the spark..... he just told me "i hate talking over the phone".........you dont know how upset i was........ the phone was the very thing that got us together 5 years back....... nowadays when i talk on the phone with the bf, it's not talking..... it's just "reporting"... "what you eat today, what your mum cook today" he won't even tell me new things, won't even tell me what he does in the office.... he just says "i tell you, you also dont know".... he just shows me a face, a very moody face, a i-cant-care-less face... he wont even talk nicely to me anymore, won't even hold my hands anymore.... i thought when we go bangkok, he'll hold my hands tight, cos afterall, we are overseas, it's still not safe... but he can't care less... he just sticks with his guy frens (who are with their gfs)... so basically, i'm the only one left behind.... and he doesn't even realise it......... he won't even talk nicely to me anymore... he just talks to me like he's talking to his frens.... sometimes i think the way he talks to his frens is nicer than the way he talks to me....

he throws vulgarities at me like it doesn't matter.... i was ok with it initially, cos i thought it was his bad habit... he talks to his frens in this manner too... but i realised, he started becoming worst and worst..... he just uses them on me more nowadays... it's really getting on my nerves... and the way he speaks to me.... the kind of attitude... I REALLY CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!! why can't he treat me like his gf? like how a bf treat a gf? why can't he handle me more gently? i really dont know... maybe we're too used to each other's company it's hard to love each other more... it's hard to break the "conveniency" of each other and so we just carry on.... and wasting time...... it's hard to even talk to him nowadays...

tell me, how can this relationship last? i really dont know... i'm just waiting for us to get sick of each other... continue wasting each others' precious time....... seriously, i dont know how i can stand marrying him and look at his fuck face for the rest of my life.... how can i stand his fucking attitude for the rest of my life? his bad temper, his profanities AT ME, his un-gentleness, his can't care less attitude... how can i stand it for the rest of my life? i really dont think my patience is THAT good.... seriously, if it's other girls, they surely would have ran off long ago..... i really feel damn stupid....... i really feel so 委屈......he thinks i can't live without him... i'm sure he thinks that way....

but now i've come to realise...maybe i CAN live without him afterall.... since he was never there when i needed him... throughout the 5 years that i've been with him... i was there for him more than he was here for me.... whenever i needed encouragement, he wasn't there... whenever i needed him to be there for my exams.... during any of my exams... he was never there... he never really gave me any encouragements for major decisions of my life, never really gave me advice... just told me all the way, "I dont know, up to you", "i dont know what to say", "make the decision yourself". so basically, i've been making major decisions on my own throughout the whole relationship, i dont really need him. i'm independent as i am, although i look like i'm not. but i am. i can make decisions, i can live on my own. i dont need him.

he doesn't like talking to me on the phone... so we never really "talk" on the phone...so it doesn't really matter..... i can talk to my frens.... he doesn't like going shopping with me.... it doesn't matter i can do that on my own or with frens.... i dont really need his company, cos he's always playing the psp, the handphone, his attention on everything but not on me. i can find my own entertainment, i dont need to be binded down by him if i'm single.

so why are we together? i'm not really sure anymore... if being together means being unhappy with each other everyday....then i dont see the point of being together.....if being together means getting sick of each other..... i dont see the point too.....if being together means doing things on our own individually and not spending quality time together, then what's the point of being together? i just want to spend happy moments with him together, alone, share some common hobbies.... diving, swimming, travelling, backpacking, even mountain climbing or what shit. i realy don't care. as long as we do it together. but it's so hard. it's not working. he doesn't want to. i've got no choice.

i've got a companion. but yet i dont have one. you get what i mean?

maybe it's really time.

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Today marks the day of the END of practical piano lesson..... BUT haiz...... still got to continue with THEORY lessons... cos i haven't completed my grade 8 theory yet......... really really don't feel like continuing but the stupid mother just forced me to finish it......... i got to pay for my own piano lesson fees from now on.... and it's still the same.... so damn ex........ arghhhh....... when will this end......... BUT i'll never ever touch the piano again!! yay!!! happiness..... unless the teacher gives me some extra pieces to play at my own leisure... hahaha maybe i can start playing Jay chou's music from now on... it'll be so much more fun lor....

anyway. my exams was abit chui...... i think i did rather badly for a few piano pieces........ my tempo weren't right, i was rushing, and my fingers were trembling so much i had plenty of missing notes........ but the Viva voce (dialogue with the examiner) was rather ok.... he asked me VERY detailed questions, but luckily, i did my homework...... bloody hell he asked me when did all the composers died, the EXACT date and year.... like wtf?! it's the first time the examiner asks this kinda questions.... they always ask about the form, texture, musical period of the music pieces... but they seldom ask about the birth and death date one leh.... LUCKILY, the student who went before me, was also taking Diploma exam... and she came out complaining to her teacher about the examiner asking about the exact birth and death dates and that she couldn't answer... so i hurriedly memorised them.... hahahaha... LUCKY or not...... i was rather confident of the Viva voce thingy....

but, still, the practical part takes up most of the marks, 70 marks leh.... Viva only 15 marks! i need 75/100 to pass..... arghh.... my sight reading also buang.... my sight reading is SHIT lor.......

"Can you compare and contrast J.S Bach and Scarlatti's style of music?"

i was playing Scarlatti's piece, and i only memorised stuff from Scarlatti.... so my mind went blank for a moment... J.S Bach... racked my brains very hard.... oh, Baroque! same as Scarlatti! BUT trick question! their style totally different! Scarlatti plays more of homophonic texture, where as J.S Bach uses polyphonic textures.......

"Good good"

*Phew* close shave...

"next question, can you tell me about the form of the piece you've just played for Hadyn's first movement?"

cheh, easy, Sonata form... Exposition, development and Recapitulation....

"so what key do you think is this part of the piece is modulated to?"

DIE, don't know how to answer....it's a minor key....... it's colour is darker here.... i dont know exactly what key, but i know it's a minor key....

"good"

shit, why he keep saying good?!

"tell me what era do you think Debussy was from"...

TRICK question.... Debussy was born in the midst of Romantic period, coming 20th century... BUT he was mainly an impressionist, so he wasn't romantic, nor 20th century!... LUCKY i did my homework lor....

"good. so, can you tell me the dates when he was born and when he died?"

SHIT, forgot which year he was born! so i just said when he died.... :1918, march.... march... march 20 something... "yah, good, March 25th to be exact"...

this examiner is SIBEH irritating.

piano exams tomorrow, yes, national day....... so so so dead....... dont even know if i can't pass..... just realised TODAY that i've still got plenty of things to study........ die lor....... i pray very very hard that i can pass tomorrow and that the examiner won't ask so many questions... or pray that he just asks the questions that i know the answer to....... and pray he won't compare me with my teacher's other student, who is wayyyyyyyyy better than me in her playing skills.... haiz........

my legs ache soooooooo much........... another thing i hate about working life..... or maybe MY working life....... is cos i can't wear open toe shoes in office..... like wtf..... my feet forever stinks now cos i gotta wear close toes shoes EVERYDAY....... really like frigging stinks ah......somemore i got sweaty feet!!! so i bought the Scholls deodorant powder and one frigging SMELLY feet spray from dono what brand, Beauty something something can't remember.... man, that spray really stinks man..... it not only stinks, it made my throat really scratchy and burnt my throat..... it's really BAD, don't buy ok!!! although Watsons' selling damn cheap now, like 2 for 10bucks or smth, but seriously, DONT BUY.... it's either i'm sensitive to it, or it's really bad.......

i spend money like WATER nowadays..... ever since i got my pay...... it's really CRAZY OK......... oh gosh, i must really control control control........ but there's sooooooo many frigging things i wanna buy! i wanna buy the feet deodorant from body or faceshop!! i'm going crazy with all the feet stuff, cos my feet permanently stinks......... even after i bath, my feet still smells like my shoes..... how?!! SO SICK OF WEARING HEELS. SO SICK OF EVERYTHING. somebody just save me.

i gotta work tomorrow...... it's rather easy, though i think it's quite a waste of time, anyway, i'll be able to claim time off, so it's ok lah......sian..... it's quite fun and interesting lah.... just tat i gotta do it alone, sort of lah....... i shan't reveal more..... heh......not supposed to....

i've been bumming around the office kindly offering my help to anyone who walks in my way........ a very kind gesture....... well i think i'm really very kind...... and hopefully i'll get good karma by doing that..... hur..... i think it feels so much worst having nothing to do, rather than having plenty of things to do........ when i have nothing to do, all i feel like doing is dozing off right infront of my miserably small laptop......

hopefully Bangkok will spice things up between us......... i think somehow or rather, our r'ship is back to square one all over again......... dull, dull, dull, boring, boring boring, tantrums and all kinds of things crop up.... maybe i'm too stressed up over piano exams and work and what not........ maybe he's too stressed up with school.... i really don't know....... we both get irritated very easily.... and i'm kinda sick of it...... especially when he talks to me in a highly impatient tone..... highly impatient, obnoxious, haughty, irritating kind of tone that's really not suitable to use when you supposedly love that someone...... i really hate it, i get really pissed, really irritated with him....... but i just try to be patient, try to swallow my pride and allow his bastardy ways.......

but please, like all of you know, and like i've mentioned many many times before..... my patience limits are not to be messed with........ please do not take advantage of this........ grrr...... for now, i'll just grind my teeth and move on with the "issue" tucked behind at the back of my head......... when i explode, you will know what will happen.

or maybe we have reached a resolution, a stage where we just really can't be bothered anymore....... everybody tells me, beware of getting "used to" each other in a long long relationship..... it'll be something that will kill your love in the end......... when meeting up becomes habitual...... when having dinner becomes habitual, when hugging becomes habitual.... even when saying those 3 letter words becomes habitual......... it'll be the end of it all......... one fine day, it'll be gone....... "habitually consumed goods are highly inelastic in demand" that's what i've learnt from school in the past....... i never knew it could be so true......

i just want to break away from the habitual routines and find something new for both of us to explore.......i just want to break free of the habits..... do something exciting.... to love you more......