trust a dishonest person to lie, because he most likely is. it's the honest ones, that you cannot trust.

guys tend to be dishonest with a girl because they are afraid of hurting her feelings. but then, we know that for a fact, and thus, don't believe everything they say. it's the girlfriends we have, whom we think we can trust, who are our worst backstabbers, and ultimately our enemies.

got this off Wani's blog...

i've never thought i would run out of topics to talk abt with the bf.... apparently i thought wrong... long awkward silences.... trying to hear what's happening at the other end.... seems like the bf's always either playing games or watching tv, paying attention on everything else except u... i mean, juz tell me straight u dont want to talk, cos u want to watch the fucking tv... dont waste my time.... i'd rather talk to the fucking wall than u these days....

running out of gas

如果你还爱我, guang liang

我带着一颗疲惫的心走了

我知道自己在你心里已不重要

虽然我们曾经相聚过

也许对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

我带着一颗沉重的心走了

我知道自己没有勇气道别离

虽然我们曾经拥有过

但是对于你来说

已经没有什么值得回忆

难道早以注定

不能真正拥有你

难道我真心付出一切

是为了承受孤单和寂寞

我知道你不敢对我坦白

是不要看到我的伤怀

虽然你没有说要离开我

我已经感到你不再属于我

如果你还爱我

你不会对我如此的冷漠

又怎会让我在漫漫长夜独自徘徊

如果你还爱我

你不会对我如此的冷漠

我只能含着眼泪默默的离开

i hate guys who throw things when they are angered/throwing tantrums/bad tempered... seems rather stupid to me when they throw WHATEVER that's in their hands (be it handphones/bananas/chopsticks for instance) and lamely pick them up frm the floor after awhile, trying to fix their phones or throwing the banana in the rubbish bins..... that's basically STUPID and LAME in my point of view... which i've grown to act indifferently towards... the handphone which u bought for a few hundred bucks, that u juz throw with all ur might all because of a moment of hot headedness isn't (to me) a very a wise move.... stupid in fact.... especially when u'll end up lamely picking up the little pieces (after ahile when u come to a foolish realisation) and have to fix them all up again.....

and really, these stupid antics wont impress girls/woman/gfs/wives... AT ALL... stop thinking foolishly girls/woman/gfs/wives will feel awed, shocked, feel that u're more domineering by doing that oh-so-often..... maybe they'll feel shocked and scared for the first time.. or maybe even first few times... subsequent attempts will prove futile and only result in indifferentness/blank stares/irritatedness..........

irritated.

suddenly i feel the stress of the prelims and upcoming exams.........

bad tempered these few days.......... and it didn't help when i realised my prelim dates clashed with my bf's bday..... dono wat to do now....... feel so sickened that i might have to celebrate with him on another day............ dont like that feeling somehow......... for the past few years i've always celebrated with him....... argh. and my fucking prelim timetable and revision workshops are all clashing with my piano lessons too...... fucked up..........

Your Birthdate: May 19

You don't just believe in love at first sight - you've experienced it. You develop crushes pretty easily, but keeping your interest is another matter! You are very prone to love - hate relationships. Number of True Loves You'll Have: 1 Number of Times You'll Have Your Heart Broken: 1 You are most compatible with people born on the 1st, 10th, 19th, and 28th of the month.

What Does Your Birth Date Mean For Your Love Life?

hahah.. the number of true loves i'll have might be true... the love at first sight too... and i do develop crushes very easily.... but not the compatible birth dates though.... BUT BUT BUT, it was really really damn accurate for my best friend Velveta.... SUPER accurate...

oh yah.. btw did i mention i was damn bloody fucking heng yesterday when i was the banker? TWICE i made a mistake when i distributed the cards, i either forgot to deal a set of cards to myself, or left out some cards on the table.... and TWICE, there was ppl getting BAN LUCK... the first round, 1 person got ban luck, but cos i distributed wrongly, it wasn't counted... so i didn't lose money.... the SECOND time i distributed wrongly, TWO ppl got BAN LUCK..... oh my god.... how heng can i get.... and it wasn't counted again.... hahhaha... i bet jiale and jiada was damn bloody pissed.... sibeh heng... muz really thank my lucky stars... sorry ah jiale jiada and izhardi... hahhaha... really didn't do it on purpose.......... first time as banker leh.... hahha....told u im the ban luck queen right... i get ban luck or ppl get ban luck when im the dealer.......... i either get super heng or super suay.... the middle few rounds wasn't so lucky.... in juz one round of the game, i lost to Vel, Jiada and Albert... all pay either triple or double, Vel got BAN BAN, Jiada got Ban Luck, Albert got 5 dragons....... *faints*

oh yah, yesterday was the first time i saw anyone got triple 7 in the game of Ban Luck... my best friend Vel got it..... must pay 7 times.... not double, not triple, 7 times.. wah..

CNY........ the long awaited cny is finally going to end..........

won some money yesterday at Vel's place.. heh.......... was losing my butts off initially when i played as the banker..... but luckily won some back... cos i had 2 ban luck when i was the dealer... haha..(forgot to mention im a ban luck queen too hahha) i started with ban luck and ended with ban luck.... in the middle of the game there was one time when i lost ALL the money in my wallet.... but i recuperated back when everyone UPed their bets and juz nice i won ban luck...

"In Between" is really a cursed game.... u either win big big or lose big big.... gambled the WHOLE of yesterday.... crazy.... after vel's hse i went to my bf's aunt's hse... and they played "In Between" and one guy lost 150bucks, the other guy won close to 100 bucks... and my bf lost 40 bucks... wah kao....

it's a very easy game.... the idea is to get the number that is in between tthe 2 cards the dealer deals u... the dealer deals everyone 2 cards (open) and everyone pools the same amount of money on the table in the middle..... and u choose the amount of money u want to call...... u can also choose not to call if u've got bad cards like example: 4 and 6... the only card in between is 5.... so there's only 1 chance of getting it....so u can dont call for the money............ but if u've got 2 and K, the numbers of cards in between is of cos a whole range of cards.. 3,4,5,6,7.....J,Q,K. the only possibility is getting the A, 2 and K.... so of cos, u'll call for ALL the money in the pool..... HOWEVER, if you get A, u'll pay for the same amount of money u've called for and the pool of money will grow bigger.... IF U SUAY SUAY get 2 and K, u'll pay for DOUBLE the money u called for.... it's super dangerous ah, cos the pool of money can go up to hundreds of dollars...

hahah.. one of my frens got 2 and K for 4 times.... and he sibeh suay got A 4 times...... cursed or not? my bf's uncle also, he was worst, he got double 3 times... DOUBLE leh... he called for all the money in the pool (30bucks), and paid 60 bucks cos he got a 2.

anyway, i bet u guys dono wat i talking about... so cheem.... ahhah......

sian sian sian. nxt wk muz study for exams liao. ccb. ARGHHHHhhhhhhhhh!

USE UR BRAINS. Keep it simple.

1) When NASA began the launch of astronauts into space, they found outthat the pens wouldn't work at zero gravity (Ink won't flow down to the writing surface).In order to solve this problem, it took themone decade and $12 million. They developed a pen that worked at zerogravity, upside down, underwater, in practically any surface includingcrystal and in a temperature range from below freezing to over 300 degrees C.

And what did Russians do........................................??

The Russians used a Pencil!!!

2) One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management wasthe case of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggest cosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that aconsumer had bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authorities isolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all the packaged boxes of soap to the delivery department.

For some reason, one soap box went through the assemblyline empty. Management asked its engineers to solve the problem.Post-haste, the engineers worked hard to devise an X-ray machine withhigh-resolution monitors manned by two people to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to make sure they were not empty.No doubt, they worked hard and they worked fast but they spent whoopee amount to do so.

But when a rank-and-file employee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not get into complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with another solution.

He bought a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it at theassembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passed the fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story:Keep It Simple.

Always look for simple solutions. Devise the simplest possible solution that solves the problem. Learn to focus on solutions not on problems.

"If you look at what you do not have in life, you don't have anything""If you look at what you have in life, you have everything" The thought manifests as the word;The word manifests as the deed; The deed develops into habit; And habit hardens into character; So watch the thought and its ways with care; And let it spring from love,Born out of concern for all beingsAs the shadow follows the body, As we think, so we become.

another day of insomia...... skipped lecture for IBM today... AGAIN......... couldn't get to sleep yesterday night till 4am.... i dont understand why....... this is killing me..... argh. headache.

lazy... but i have to pack my room today.... mum is getting on my nerves with all her naggings..... when her machine gun starts... everyone in the household gets frantic... her bullets never end...

CNY CNY CNY CNY, was the only thing i was looking forward to the entire week... or maybe, entire 2 wks... hur.... now that CNY is approaching so fast, i juz realised i kinda dread it.... cos after CNY will be the start of a very very very long journey to exams........ prelims, final exams......... hell....... everyone's starting to revise except me....... i cant get my bloody butt at my desk to start studying la, CNY looms over me...... gets me so excited whenever i juz think of it, and end up juz dumping my books back in my bag... no point studying these few days.... everything shall wait till CNY is over....... juz another excuse to procrastinate....

Happy 21st birthday May~!!! yay!!!!

"It's always a added bonus for a guy to fill a gal's heart wif tonnes n tonnes of surprises"

got this off wani's blog and thought it was quite true.... at least for us...

couples: this day should be extra special aside from all the other days that you two have already spent with each other. in any case that valentine's is the only occasion you two get mushy and passionate, stop that habit. if you aren't going to let each other know how you feel for the other person on a regular basis, be it by action or words, then you two should start questioning why in hell you two are together.

estranged: you feel your relationship is dead, with a capital "D". this is your perfect opportunity to step up. if the relationship is that important to you, do something. maybe words have only led to arguments. this day is the perfect opportunity to show them how you feel, and that you want to fix this rut. if they have any ounce of feelings left for you, they'll see how stupid they were to think the relationship was worth shit.

not very happy this Valentine. nevertheless, Happy Valentine's Day hubby. im sorry i was mad at u juz now, but i really thought u deserved it, since u didn't want to see things from my point of view. and im sorry i didn't return ur wishes juz nw, i was quite heated up.

3-4 yrs back.............................. reminisce....... *sigh* 现已不如往日.

i know this is abit late but THANKS! to Wani and May for inviting us to their bday party....

pics are up here: http://carinez1.multiply.com/photos/album/41

i like the last photo! nice!

hur, my lecturer juz postponed tml's lesson! dono should I be angry or happy...... angry cos it's so damn last minute!! i juz saw it on student portal (but posted 2 days ago la), happy cos i'll be free tml..... might be going vivocity to shop......... if only CNY can come every month..... so i can shop shop shop shop my guts out.... feeling abit guilty abt the large amt money i've already spent (or still spending).............. but the feeling will be gone by the time i get my angpows.... no lecture on Valentine's day! yippee.............. it was supposed to be the last lecture of accounting tml. damn. suffering prolonged to 22nd feb. bleah.

now i know why couples of 7 yrs, or even 8,9 yrs can break off suddenly, leaving everyone in shock...tat's because when they realised they're finally ready for marriage, the other half is not suitable for them. they'd been together for so long juz because they've gotten so used to the company they dont want a change...... they dont want a sudden change to their lifestyle... when ur family is already so familiar with ur other half u're juz not ready for the change........

when they're ready for marriage, they'll suddenly realise they have really different concepts about marriage....... really different ideals for their future...... and juz break off cos of this.......

we were juz talking casually about marriage, and life after marriage... and i juz realised, we trully have really different ideas about the life after marriage. and even quarrelled cos of it.

i want a home i call ours, OUR home, without other interventions, without his PARENTS. juz us, and our children. he, on the other hand, wants to stay with his parents. i dont know why he is so convention about certain things. so damn old fashioned, so straight that he cant twist and turn and think of other ways to accomodate to each other. he juz wants me to accomodate to him. always listen to him. always.

if i stay with his parents and him, it'll be THEIR home, not ours. really, i'll feel like the stranger there, the odd one out. conflicts will bound to arise. more ppl means more conflicts. nothing's happening now since im only a guest at THEIR hse during wkends, even if they are not happy about me about anything. they wont say. they wont show their discontent. in the future, when everyone's living together, living forever. there are BOUND TO BE conflicts, i swear. no matter how good tempered everyone is, there are surely bound to be conflicts. i really hate the idea of staying with others, especially older ppl. seriously, i cant even imagine staying with them for life, i'll juz die. so what if he's the only son? only son has the duty, I KNOW. FUCK, U THINK IM SO FUCKING HARD-HEARTED? then stay NEAR ur parent's hse ah!! then we go ur parent's hse everyday to eat ah!!! cannot meh? y muz LIVE TOGETHER??!

i dont understand why is he so conventional, why cant we enjoy our er ren shi jie together? why cant we think of other ways like buying a flat near his parent's hse? or why cant we go to his parent's hse everyday but we juz live in different hses? i really dont understand. even my parents are not so damn old fashioned. even my mum knows conflicts are bound to happen. even my mum told us specifically she dont wanna stay with us when we get married, not even my 2 brothers. they wanna stay and live outside on their own. juz stay near my bro's hse.

now im like the witch u see in mediacorp drama serials, the bad guy. and he's the good guy, good boy, good only son. fillial boy.

it's really this kinda things that make u dread of marriages and nothing else. i dont wanna get married anymore. marriage is not about juz the 2 of us. if ur other half just die die also dont wanna accomodate u. then the 2 shouldn't even be together at all.

i cant imagine me washing his socks, since he dont want to hire a maid.

i cant imagine myself teaching our children and caning them to do their homework while he acts like an angel and acts nonchalant and continue watching his 10pm news.

i cant imagine me doing housework and working all at the same time, since he said both have to work if not cannot support family.

i cant imagine me having to cook and wash the dishes while he reads his newspapers.

i cant imagine me having to wake up earlier than everyone else juz to make breakfast for them, and have to be the last one to have breakfast, and still have to clean up everything before going to work.

i cant imagine. i dont wanna get married anymore.

i will never get married. never never never if all these happen to me. i will juz divorce whoever the other half is. even if i've gotten used to him, so be it. i know for a fact, all these will happen to me. i just know. nobody will ever accomodate to me. never. why must i always be the one to accomodate to everyone else. why. why cant everyone think from my point of view and think from my perspective. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. fuck. if i have to live with ur parents then it'll be called YOUR hse, not mine. all ur family members and i'll be the odd one out. ya, ya rite, married then ur parents become my parents. u've lived with them 20 odd yrs and have gotten used to them, to their weird habits (if they have any, i still dont know, i juz 客串 for at most a wkend now), while i've juz joined for like hw many yrs. can compare meh? omg, i really cant imagine living with others. i really cant imagine. even at my own hse now i feel so pissed at times with my family members i juz stay in my own room. even own family members also quarrel everyday. what more with other ppl?

go ahead and think im a fucking bitch i dont care. i am like that. and i can be hell sure alot of ppl think like me too. even those so called "only sons" also move out and live on their own, but go back to their parent's hse everyday. they'd rather make the trip everyday than stay with their own parents. nowadays, u go and ask, which girl will want to share their own hse with somebody else. even if it's ur hubby's parents. none of my friends i've asked want to live with their hubby's parents. NONE.

think im thinking too far? think im thinking about all these for nothing? mark my words, all these will happen. WILL HAPPEN if ur other half juz wants their way. and die die wants u to listen to their egoistic so called "fillial piety" point of view. if u're already so un-accomodating now, wat makes u so sure u'll accomodate to me yrs later? then what for get married if ur hubby wont love u for who u are? why waste ur precious youth?

post note: i know, i know he's the only son. i really understand. i want to take care of my parents forever too. im not a fucking bitch for goodness sake. but i know they (parents) wont want to stay with us too, they want to avoid as much conflicts as possible too, do u really think they want to stay with us?? im really not as bitchy as i sound, but really, nobody will want to share their home with somebody. if u think a maid is an outsider, then i think ur parents are outsiders too. it's the same thing to me. i really dont mind visiting ur parents everyday at their hse. but at the end of the day i will still want to go back to my own nest for a rest. and not go back to a nest with so many ppl and so many conflicts of interests, it wont be like my home anymore, more like a warzone or something. it wont give me warm fuzzy feeling anymore.



im not thinking too much. dont tell me i think too much. im juz thinking ahead. and all these are really very very practical problems. i'd rather think about these problems now than think yrs later, only to regret everything, like those couples of 8, 9 yrs who'd wasted their youths pursuing different dreams, while being together. why cant we pursue a similar dream and work towards it together?

bad mood..... been feeling out of sorts lately....... been looking thru old photos from last yr till nw....... and realised my complexion was like 10 times much better than now (i think)....... dont know wat caused this dramatic change in my complexion......... now my complexion is so damn dry and PALE, so lack lustre.... as compared to last yr's radiance.....i totally regretted using Loreal facial wash....... made my face totally dry..... i remembered i was using Fancl powder facial wash last yr........ was damn good..... my skin was so good and always kept moist........ and wont flake so much, like now...... argh. Fancl, i'll get u after CNY. or maybe after nxt monday when i get HALF of my tuition fees. :P hate tuition agents, those blood suckers. but the tuition fees was meant for Valentine's day present.

................... hate it when he's at my hse, yet im blogging right here..................... right beside me....... but yet im blogging........ while he's sleeping........... hate hate hate hate the feeling............ feel so fucking lonely............ yet ur bf's with u... ironic rite.....

anyway, excited over 3 things.......... cny (OF COS, i've been going on and on about hw i love CNY so i shall stop it), and friend's ROM at his hse....... so weird, ROM at his hse.... dono la.... im the photographer... -_-" hur.... they might regret "hiring" me as a photographer....... hahahah dono got angpow or not.... the other girl is supposed to be the tea lady.... hahah to serve tea to the parents and the newly weds.... like not very official... but still quite fun.... and of cos, the party on sunday!!!

oh yah, and facial tml.. FINALLY, some indulgence.

busy busy week......

I AM SO BLOODY PISSED. stupid phone. stupid stupid stupid. argh. master resetted on it's own. ccb. then lost everything on the phone memory. only those in my storage card is left. angry! alot of things! part of my contacts gone also (cos some in storage card some on phone memory). not the first time. wahlao... then i realised it's SO USER UNFRIENDLY now... cos i upgraded everything on my phone... then now i have to reset everything again.. wah lao.. even the games i also have to download again.. really angry...

dead dead dead tired today......... tired's good though........ let me forget somethings, forget some ppl... woke up at 7 plus and couldn't get back to slp....... wanted to skip studying session with jolly at mac.... but still went.... and ended up talking for the FULL 2.5hrs...... non stop....... someone help us... we need to get studying soon soon soon.........

did quite alot of things today:

1. after "studying" went town to get music books for piano kid

2. piano kid's dad din reply my sms, so while waiting, walked all the way to park mall to satisfy my craving "martell chicken mee sua" heh...

3. walked all the way back to meridien shopping ctr again to buy the music bks. bought a belt for frigging $5 only. cos my old one ($18) got ruined by me. ccb. so much difference.

4. walked all the way to centre point and shopped at Robinsons. bought undergarments for CNY. anyway, as usual, kena cajoled by the aunty to buy FOUR frigging sets of undergarments. abit regret (frigging added up to 120bucks), but hell. retail therapy.

5. walked around at centre point looking for shoes and bags. found non.

6. reached home at around 8plus and started making some notes on a vanguard for my piano kids. (rhythm practice)

7. did my eRev thingy, wah lan eh. the timetable sucks hardcore. screwed up timetable, screwed up system. so many of my classes clash during the revision, on certain days i have to go school from 10am to 10pm....... really cheebye system they have. really pissed. then the rest of the slots all fully taken, then u have to click and refresh and refresh and refresh, hoping someone might drop out of the class (fat hope), but non will.

anyway, almost done with cny shopping........ still left with a pair of jeans, bag, and shoes, hair cut and facial. every year cny i'll spend alot of money... love my mum....... she din scold me when i came back with a bag of ahem, undergarments costing a bomb...... she din ask why i needed so many sets....... hahaha...... she juz said they're very pretty......... she told me "this yr better than last yr, at least nvr bug me for eyelash extensions, contact lens, dye hair" hur.

upset. depressed. moody. hurt. ouch. sorry. no use. heart. broke. leave. alone. flood. thoughts.

when a string of a kite is pulled too tightly, it'll snap. learn to let go and pull back when it's required, only then will it fly high. when it snaps, it will never come back. as long as it doesn't snap, the kite's still yours.