i cant believe i got to go back to the harsh harsh world tml.... back to my hectic work life..... back to the harsh reality.... WHY..... WHY must my hols end so soon..... im supposed to do work even NOW....but i dont even have any drive back in me to start my work...

my chinese new year was so-so...... everyday was just gamble gamble and more gamble since cny eve..... we played till 7am for 2 days.... CRAZY can.... i won almost 400bucks *prance around in glee* without doing anything.... hahah,...i just merely sponsored 100bucks as the banker's base and sat there to watch tv..... and in just a mere half hour, i won 200bucks.... tat crazy guy.... bluffed me... i'd thought he lost alot and tat's why i decided to give him 100bucks to let him "fan ben"... but then i realised he actually won ALOT and he still asked me to share with me..... crazy.... he even shared all his profits with me.... then later when i was too bored and decided to watch tv again, he asked me to give him my money and he played for me.... and he won 150bucks in an hr..... i was just playing for fun so i only played 2bucks.... when i let that guy play, he played for 16bucks.... i din even know.... and he gave me all the winnings.... hahhaa... happiness.... but my poor bf lost 400bucks..... so i gave him 200bucks......... the money din feel like mine anyway, so i din feel the pinch.... but,.... his frens are crazy lah.... they play by the hundreds..... and one guy won 1400bucks...... like wtf.......... but i dono what to say,..... they dont feel the pinch at all, what the guy won is like more than half of my monthly salary......

anyway, i feel like going out today.... but i cant... cos i got to work tml.... i wanted to take mc for tml... but..... i've got appointment with the client... haiz......... sian..... how i wish the hols can extend for another week....... why must it end so soon.... my bf dont even need to work this wk... why do i have to go back to work TOMORROW..... fuck........ anyway...... it's been like 4 mths since i last took mc..... nowadays, even when i feel really sick, i cant even fucking take mc.......... arghhhh,.....

what a boring boring chinese new year.... im blogging on the EVE of chinese new year... hahah how fun... well, cos we're not having reunion dinner at my granny's hse this year cos my grandad just passed away... BUT im having HOMECOOKED FOOD AT HOME THIS YEAR.... homecooked food leh! *happy* my mum dad is cooking at home this year... im so excited hahaha... though it'll most probably not be as nice cos my mum's helping... she'll probably be very clumsy and everything and hinder my dad's cooking... my mum's NEVER cooked for us in her whole life... except for maybe chicken porridge when i was damn young... and maybe fried eggs.... and maggi mee tat is either tasteless or super salty.... well, it'll be a very boring chinese new year... i wont even be going visiting tml... i'll just go my maternal grandparents' hse and tat's abt all.... of cos, it'll still be happening at night for me.... but i still got 4 hrs to go before i run out to meet my frens....

somehow.. i dont feel the chinese new year mood... cos of my stupid overloaded work and the "not going visiting" part which probably spoilt it quite abit... but still!! im still looking forward to wearing my new clothes... bleah... and tat's quite sian cos tat's probably the only thing im looking forward to.... and maybe the gambling with frens part today and tml... heh...

i can't stand it anymore.... i NEED NEED NEED at least ONE ONE ONE branded bag. Chanel, gucci, LV, coach, kate spade. anything. just ONE can?! i must must must have at least ONE. i swear i will get one by end of 2009. This will be like a priority on my wish list.

Horoscope for today:

This may be a bit of a tricky day, wan, as you feel the pull of conflicting demands and desires. On the one hand you feel an obligation to your career. On the other hand, your loved ones miss you and would like to have you around more.

so fucking damn true. pull of conflicting demands and desires.

i can feel the pressures from all sides forcing down on me. im just trying hard to cope.

sometimes i just feel that no matter how damn hard i try, how much fucking effort i put in, nobody will ever appreciate the things that i do... i tried so hard at work, yet i met with difficulties time and time again, i even got reprimanded by someone, for supposedly not doing my work well, for reading newspapers for fucking three seconds. i was just trying to take a break from my work. just trying to rest my overloaded mind. i dont even have time to fucking eat for god's sake. all i eat now are all the crap food tat's near my office, i just take anything as long as it's fast and near.

i tried so hard to make it a point to go home earlier to spend some time with my family, but i failed time and time again.

i tried so hard to meet my frens too, yet i cant seem to even dig out the time...

i tried so hard to dig out some time for the bf, yet he doesn't seem to appreciate it. i pushed away my work just so i can meet up with him. i tried so hard to push away my work just so i can do his fucking assignment, yet all i got was some fake appreciation. i even got scolded. FOR DOING HIS ASSIGNMENT all i get is fucking scoldings. i stayed back till fucking 2 am to do work, just so i can finish more work so i can do his fucking assignment today. so, did the ppl at work appreciate that i stayed over to do work? did the bf appreciate that i did his fucking assignement? did anyone appreciate watever i did?

TELL ME WHY THE FUCK AM I LIVING MY LIFE FOR OTHERS. WHAT THE FUCK AM I LIVING FOR. FOR WHOM DO I LIVE FOR. THEN WHERE'S MY OWN LIFE?

ok i've been surfing the net for like, the past 3 hrs..... and i dont think im going to touch my work anymore..... cos i feel like fuck now......... im dying.... cos of my flu bug...... my throat is KILLING ME.... and im having fever i think cos im freezing to death in the library........ FREEZING is seldom in carine's dictionary ok? unless im real sick... which i am now....

ok...... let's talk about.... Perfumes... and smells..... i'm a "smell" perrson.... my sense of smell is rather sensitive.... and i get very irked by strong smells..... and during these recent years, i've become very self conscious about how i smell.... ransack my bag and u'll find 1. Deodorant, 2. foot spray, 3. perfume, 4. mouthwash and mouth spray (recently added on)... these are the things u'll permanently find in my bag....

anyway.... recently, i've been getting hooked on perfumes.... and i've bought ALOT of perfumes cos my fren happened to work at DFS at the airport (not anymore though, sad).... perfumes i bought include: Lanvin (MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE), DKNY (green one i dont know wat issit), Gucci Envy me, Vera Wang Princess, Chanel CoCo mademoiselle.... i rememberd my bf told me before, that perfumes are used to attract the opposite sex.... girls will like man's cologne, and guys will be attracted to the ladies' perfumes.... i dont know if that's really true... but i do know that by putting on a nice smell, you'll attract ppl, be it the same or opposite sex.... if you smell good, ppl will at least notice you, and you'll be a headturner even though u may not look good..... im attracted to both guys and girls' perfumes..... girls' perfumes will attract me too, and make me turn my head and look around to see who smells nice, and i'll try to remember the smell so i can buy the perfume nxt time...hahaa... guys' cologne attracts me too... no no no, i must say they excite me.... i especially like it when my bf sprays his cologne.... makes me feel secure and comfortable.... it's like, HIS smell.... i know a good fren who collects perfumes.... maybe i should start collecting male fragrances.... hahaha.... it'll be cool.... i'll start when i have the money... brands i'll buy will be ralph lauren, kenzo, issey miyaki (dono if this is the right spelling), davidoff......

My late New Year Resolutions:

1. Get promoted, get pay rise for year 2009. Hopefully, get promoted twice before 2010 comes.

2. Work harder and smarter. I realised i work rather stupidly. i must really improve on my efficiency.

3. Play as hard.

4. Good health thru the year for my whole family, the Wans, the Chuas. and the Chiangs. and of cos to everyone around me.

5. New phone. MUST BE PDA. Samsung omnia or iphone.

6. strike toto/4d. ---> told ya this will be permanently here. though i dont buy anymore hahaha

7. im still intending to buy a car

8. new windows for my balcony. AGAIN.

9. Better complexion.

10. Avoid getting myself into office politics.

11. Better social life.

12. Better love life.

13. Travel to Taiwan/Australia/States

14. I want to try diving/jetskiiing/sky diving/cable skiing

15. Prays that work is smooth sailing throughout the year, no hiccups, very few mistakes made, no major issues....

16. Prays that the economy gets better soon....

omg........im feeling quite sick......... im out now..... i've was walking aimlessly and lost at Toapayoh just now.....toapayoh tmd big and messy can... all the streets looked the same to me.... the bf's doing project with his pals at Toa Payoh again... and i finally ended up at Mos burger... but somehow i can't focus and i've been surfing the net for 45 mins..... i shouuld start my work now.......... tmd, i got to go work tml...... argh...... my wkend is so burnt............ wanted to go town today... but my throat's burning, my nose's running and i'm feeling feverish.... wat a bad bad bad bad day..........im dying here... maybe koi cafe bubble milk tea will cheer me up.... mos burger milk tea din do anything to help....... shucks..... i need..... happiness.........