pathetic me.
Did he did it on purpose? was it accidental or intentional? why must he always quarrel with me everytime JUST the night before exams? Why must he always pull this kind of stunts on me? He claimed he was 'sick and tired', so when i talk to him he was less than happy less than keen to listen to what the fuck i was saying. But hey, i heard him talking so energetically with his bunk mates. sick? less than likely. He'd rather talk to his bunk mates than me even when he's SICK. and IM supposed to be his gf. BAHA.
After the WHOLE day of barring his calls and not replying his TWO PATHETIC msgs, i called him. And i regret it. To think i still called him when he can dont msg me for more than 24hrs, dun call me dun reply any of my fucking msgs. AT LEAST I FUCKING CALLED HIM.
his TWO msgs was NUTHING compared to what i msged him last nite. I was waiting pathetically like a fucking pathetic gf till 2am. And i'm supposed to have GP A LEVELS TODAY. cool. i went to take the exams half asleep in the morning. and it's highly likely that i screwed things up unknowingly. my GP paper 1 essay is screwed. AND IF I FAIL MY FUCKING GP, IM GOING TO BLAME HIM ALL FOR IT. no. blame it on myself, it's fate isn't it.
and GUESS WHAT. I know he will be the pathetic bf only tml. cos he wants me to meet him. he's just fucking using me. fuck it. fuck him. fuck the world.
YES IM RANTING LIKE A PATHETIC BITCH BUT I DONT GIVE A DAMN!!!! BLAME IT ON MY LIFE BLAME IT ON FATE
AND NO ANYONE ELSE!! WHAT THE FUCK COULD I HAVE DONE!!
i want a whole brand new wardrobe... i need it.. for university.. IF I CAN GET IN! i need to be prepared for another phase of my life.. the 'twenties'.. i'm just less than 2 yrs to reaching that 20 yr old line.. THATS WHY I NEED A NEW WARDROBE OF CLOTHES!! i really must discard my childish dress sense soon..
oh no....................
gp is just tomorrow... there goes.. good luck guys... let's finish this race once and for all.. and hopefully non of us will need to retake.. *CHOI!* to hell with GP.. i din even study any single shits for it.. i just hope i wont get mind blocks tml and constipated thoughts.. oh no... my science frens have been going for those GP mock exams which i deemed no-point at that point of time.. but now.. come to think of it.. they seemed relieved that they've been going for those exams cos it keeps their minds working on GP mode for quite some time..
realised i made big mistakes by pontening sch once or twice every week.. why din i pay more attention to GP? why did i see it as boring to the extend that i MUST ponteng GP once or twice a week? Why did i miss all those important Paper8 tutorials? WHY?!!!! my Paper8 is screwed. oh no. i realised all my subjects are screwed!! WHY WHY WHY was i soooooooOOOo playful?!!! WHY was i always distracted in class? WHY AM I SO STUPID!!! ppl can miss tonnes of lessons but still cope with the subjects. but i cant. ppl can miss loads of tutorials and make last minute efforts to go for consultations!!but i'm too thin-skinned to go for consultations!! i'm really so scared of teachers. i need a maths consultation someday. i really need it. i dont' wanna fail it again. i don't wanna prove my secondary sch A maths teacher right.
oh no!! A levels is just 2 days away!! i'm DEAD!!!!!!!!.. i slacked the whole of today!.. my god!! i've wasted so much time! ARGH.. *frantic*
hey. did i mention i nearly went crazy on saturday? :P i took out 200bucks from my bank and wanted to spend every cent of it on saturday. i was THAT desperate to shop and relieve my stress. i went cold storage and grabbed tonnes of snacks. luckily, my bf pissed me off and i walked out of cold storage leaving him with the basket of snacks. wanted to totally walk out on him, but felt sorry and went back. pathetic. i was comforted by the fact that when i went back i saw him trying to secretly put the basket of snacks in a corner and ran off wanting to chase after me. cute. :P thank god i din buy and spent my money on those stupid snacks.
but..... i did buy a pair of shoes. at last. after weeks of pinning. i did it. :P
the rest of the 200bucks, 150bucks is still in my wallet, and i hope that it wont vanish soon. :P
oh my god.
i'm in for it. i'm dead. these past 3 days have been hell for me. really hell. cos i din touch my books AT ALL. oh no. the whole world was topsy turvy.
my family quarrelled like fuck on thursday. they FOUGHT to be exact. and i really mean punches and everything. everyone was shouting all at once, and i don't know why all was aimed at me. i couldn't take it anymore and just left my hse, giving a damn lame excuse tat i'm gonna study with my frens. in the middle of the night at 1230am. cool. i realised i was left to bear the loneliness, ALONE. i totally forgot that i haven been in contact with my sec. sch frens for a hell long time. i couldn't bare to bow down to them and plead them to let me into their hse in the middle of the night. it'd be like begging to almost strangers. the worst thing was i totally forgot i quarrelled with my boyfren too. and he's in camp, so there was no way for me to go his hse in the middle of the night and just wait for him to open the door for me like i used to.
then i decided to call my jc frens. but realised i could only call sam, he'd be the only one who'd on me at once. but i'd be alone with him. and it's just not right. i didn't wanna bother anyone anymore after realising that all my frens wont be able to meet me in the middle of the night. i called xiaojun too, hoping that she'd go out with her frens to eat supper, so i'd have company till 5plus. but she din go out with her frens tat night. haiz.
i was left alone. i talked to my bf over the phone trying to find a place for me to sleep. he wanted me to go his hse just like tat. but i din want it. cos it's a crazy idea to go his hse at 1 plus and wake his whole family up. so. there i was loitering my neighbourhood from 12 plus to 2 plus till i decided to go eat supper at the 24hrs kopitiam near westmall. i took my own time to walk allllllllllll the way there. ate. and slept there. till 5.30 before walking all the way back to nature park area to take cab. so sucks. finally reached his hse at 6.30 when his parents all left for work. slept at 7am. and woke up at 6pm in the evening when my bf came hm. a day was wasted just like tat.
all the while when i was left alone. i had lots of time to think alot of things.
i was thinking; why did my life turn out like tat? it wasn't like that when i was in my sec sch. whenever i felt down i could just call any of my frens and they'd come and meet me. and i don't need to think whether it's my responsibility or not to meet a guy in the middle of the night.
i wished my bf was with me that night, i wouldn't have felt so bad. i wouldn't have thought that i would need frens. i realised i don't really have frens afterall. i felt so so so so lonely. lonely. lonely.
I want to die. I want it now.
Why must every guys in the world resort to violence when they are dealing with their so calle most loved ones.
Why must every girl/woman pathetically accepts everything.
Why can't anyone care.
i feel so loserish. i feel like a total loser. i'm feel like a pathetic gf pathetic fren pathetic daughter pathetic A level student. i just feel like a loser. i can't achieve anything. everything that i do just isn't enough for anyone. especially to him.
i'm screaming inside of me. they are screaming just outside my room.
and him? sleeping.
i might just go sch tml again to study.. the rooftop cafe just opened.. quite nice to study.. got air con somemore.. but its only opened till 7 :P sianz diao.. not so productive day today.. din study much.. kept on talking to maybelline.. and even went to play squash with may and xiaojun half way thru.. got ourselves so hot and sticky tat we couldn't really study.. i might just bring clothes to sch tml to bath.. :P
cool...4 posts in a day.. make it 5.. :P
i'm jealous. of my bf's bunkmates. they get to see him so much more than i do.
i'm sick. gastric is killing me and i can't sleep. thinking of my bf all day and all week is just not good for health. thinking abt after A levels even BEFORE the actual As is really getting on my nerves. i'm not even thinking about the actual As now. i'm thinking how to spend my hols. shit.
i hope i get fever again. at least i can get some attention from my bf once in awhile. childish. i hate myself.
i suddenly realised that a whole load of ppl that i know have blogs. i JUST realised. ok. i'm slow. but just knew when i went to farhan's blog. i realised izhardi, rabeah, elfareeza, rizal.. even fairus!! have blogs! soooooo amazing.. i din know blog's soooooooo popular.. i'm really looking forward to having a 04 chalet again.. always had fun during those chalets.. how many chalets have we got already? lost count.. 4? 5? not THAT many chalets.. but well.. always had fun..
i really got to get my sleeping clock back to work again.. i've been sleeping sooooooo late every night.., and only waking up at only 1 plus in the afternoon and missing all those lessons that i was SUPPOSED to go.. i need to sleep at 10 wake up at 6.. so i won't die during the A levels..
lynn, u too. get ur sleeping clock working again. i think ur's is worst than mine. :P u like dont need to sleep everyday. SLEEP.
i seriously can't wait for 25th of november after the A levels.. i can't help but always get distracted by what i'm gonna do after As..
i'm gonna get a boat and driving license. and finish my grade 8 piano and theory. so at least i have something to fall back on if i don't get into university. i wanna be an admin clerk. i know it's a very very very boring job. but i don't wanna see, smell, talk, or touch any other ppl. i HATE SALES! YUCKS! i HATE to be waitresses or whatever mcdonald shit! i'm so damn bloody scared of customers. or breaking any plates, cups,bowls or watever. i'm such a thin skinned person. i wont be able to stand it if my boss scolds me for being a 'cow' in a china shop.
i'm looking forward to some other happening things that i HOPE my frens will organise. some chalet or something, bbq or watever. i just wanna PLAY PLAY PLAY ALL DAY!!!!
stop daydreaming la. COUNTDOWN: 7 days to GP. 7 days to hell to be precise.
what have i done to get this kinda of treatment from him. i feel so unappreciated. i feel so unloved. i feel like a pathetic gf. someone take my handphones away from me so i wont msg or call him tml. i was so angry just now that i threw my phone on the ground. realised it was a grave mistake. it's my bf's fault, not my hp, y shud i vent it on my poor hp. i think i shud sell it before it's spoilt again. :P
i always msg him to inform him where i'm going, who i'm going out with.. i feel it's a kind of responsibility, i know i should do that to make him feel secure.. i know it's a gf's responsibility..
'i always msg you and call you wherever i go lor. even if i know ur hp's not on. after 6 when u still haven call me i will always call you lor.'
yet, my protests were met with a 'tat's all only ah. it's not enough.'
tat sentence really killed me, silenced me. suddenly, it came upon me that watever i do for him, what ever i do for anyone, is always not enough to satisfy them. whatever i do, everyone will still make me sound so worthless, so unappreciated.
seriously.... i don't see any light for my A levels... im seriously screwed.. badly... i'm giving up hope.. i haven been studying ANYTHING!! and i really mean it.. i only did a few pathetic econs essay outlines.. which i just copied straight from my lecture notes.. and wats the bloody point of doing essay outlines now? i shud have done it mths ago!! i did NOTHING during the weekend... and every weekends i will be doing nuthing!! cos i miss my bf!!! ARGH!! i'm really gonna fail my A levels.. i'm serious.
feel sooooooooooooooooooooooooo sick..... had fever since yesterday... burning fever of 39.2 yesterday.. felt like it was my worst day ever today.... so suay... whole body aching.. and i mean aching so much that i had to do everything slow motionly cos it's so painful to even walk... thanks mum for caring for me yesterday night... so touched..she kept waking up in the middle of the night to use cold towel to cool my forehead and wrapped me up in blanket so i can sweat my fever off.. wanted to say thanks.. but anyway... if i say that my mum will think i'm crazy...
on another note........ i can't seem to bring myself to study at all after prelims.. feel so much like giving up my studies and just go straight to a private uni........... really feel so stressed and so UN-time............. so less time yet so much things to cramp in my very very small and limited brain... i think i'm really damn stupid.. i can't seem to understand alot of things that i've studied.. and even when i studied so much for my prelims it didn't really pay me off... k lah.. not study alot lah...but it was as much as what i studied for my O levels... feel like giving up.. and im still at the same lecture note after 3 days.. and i'm still at page 5... can u believe it... i'm DEAD.
COUNTDOWN: 20 days to A' LEVELS.... ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!!!! SO LITTLE TIME LEFT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Your words are my food, your breath my wine. You are everything to me."
~Sarah Bernhardt~
"There's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger, and your whispers softly echo. It's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me."
~Gretchen Kemp~
My results suck big time... quite disappointed though at least i passed my geog... but it's still not good enough... it didn't even touch a C... And i'm supposed to be scoring As and Bs and Cs for my A' levels if i wanna go to uni.. and if i want to go to buisness.........ARGH.
and the thing is.. jjc's prelims is supposed to be very easy, compared to other schools..
and when the hell are we getting back our lit papers?? Lit teachers ALWAYS take so damn long to mark. especially paper 4 and 8. I SUPPOSEDLY did quite well for one of the paper4 essays.. as everyone said.. but it's not GOOD ENOUGH! and there's the OTHER essay to think about.. which i think i'm failing..really.. there's really a very high possbility.. and there's always paper8 to pull me down.. as usual.
why is my life always school work and more school work? A levels and more A levels? Everywhere i go ppl will just ask me: "hey how's ur prelims? wat's ur results?" and every single time i will just say nonchalantly..." it's quite bad, but i don't care." when in actual fact. I DO CARE. and i'm WORRIED!!
to tell the truth.. i did put in quite alot of effort to study for my physical geog and econs.. i really did lor.. and my results doesn't reflect anything.. compared to my frens who can score so well when they don't really study.. i feel i'm such a loser.. but then again... it's just the prelims right? (CARINE STOP LYING TO YOURSELF!! though it's really just prelims.)
I really wish i can bring myself to study now..
COUNTDOWN: 26 days to A' Levels. *oh no*
had a not-as-wonderful-as-i-tot-it-would-be weekend.. haizZz.. though it WAS 1st Oct.. it wasn't as fun as i thought.. but i enjoyed every moments spent with him..
The past 2 years with him was hard to come by.. we had tears.. had fun.. how fast time seem to go by.. really so fast.. i still remembered the 1st time we met.. what he wore and what i wore.. and even what i ate.. i remembered his look of disappointment when he first saw me.. i wasn't exactly his type of girl.. :P his dream girl was supposed to have long hair, doesn't wear specs.. and very demure.. i was the total opposite.. BUT......... this did show me that love's just not only about the appearances.. he wasn't exactly my dream guy too.. :P my dream guy was something like that korean star Pei Yong Jun.. heh.. tall, wear specs.. and very gentlemanly..
really.. how time has passed us by..
we didn't go anywhere on 1st Oct.. we only celebrated on the 2nd.. i was still quite pissed at him on the 1st.. even though he sent me a very very very sweet msg to wish me happy anniversary... well at least when i reached his hse the 1st thing he said to me was sorry.. (maybe it's just 'cos he saw the brownie i made for him :P)
2nd Oct.. we went Bugis 1st.. cos both of us wanted to buy a guy-girl perfume.. we already had Morgan in mind.. but wanted to give ourselves more choices anyway.. and went around the wholeeeeeee of Seiyu in search of THE perfume and ended up with a huge stack of tester slips of paper. and got me soooooooo giddy in the end. i hate perfumes actually. :P In the end, we still bought he Morgan perfume set. so much so for more choices..
the guy's one is very manly.. not so strong.. just nice.. the girl's one has got a very flowery scent.. too girly i think... but he likes it.. and the reason why i'm putting on perfume is for him to smell lor..
then............ very anti-climaxly.. we went to eat Seoul Garden due to super low funds... we wanted to go eat Ganghis Khan lor.. but it's soooooooooooo super expensive.. me.. being the ever caring ever considerate gf of his decided not to eat such ex food as he was the one paying the bill.. we ended up eating at Seoul Garden.......... made me so sick of meat.. i think i'm gonna be vegetarian for a week..
back home... we settled cosily on his sofa and watched pirated vcd "qian ji bian 2" :P funny story.. lousy actors..
Had a great time celebrating sam's bday with the usual gang of people.. haha had a great time saboing samuel.. we gave him a great surprise when the Breekz ppl went to him with a cake singing happy birthday. BUT, we also gave him a huge bday scare. hehehe.. when he went to the toilet, we ran off to the back of the restaurant with our bags and all and left him staring at the bill, stunned. lynn and rach was like laughing non stop. soooooooooo damn funny. even the waitress bakat with us to trick him.
anyways.. how come i never take pictures with my bf with a bday cake before.. how i wish i can put up a picture of me and my bday cake on my msn or online. i always see girls with pics of them and their bfs on their bday online. so jealous. haizzzZZZZzz.
i just dont know what the hell is wrong wif hubby. i really dont know. all i know is he hates talking to me. just give me the cold shoulder everyday.
lantern festival's tml and he's not around to celebrate with me. i remembered 2 yrs ago when i had the most enjoyable lantern festival ever.. when we went nature park and played with wax.. before we were even together.. when we went all the way to farmart to buy candles on his bike and stayed on top of a hill to watch the scenery there..when we went cck park and he asked me to be his gf when i was playing with candles.. when we went nature park and he formed the word 'niang zi' with candles on the day we first held hands..
those were the days.. i think both of us started with playing with wax and candles.. when he taught me to make finger prints on wax..lantern festival brings such fond memories.. and he doesn't seem to remember anything or care.. it's just childish to him tat's all.. it wasn't childish to him 2yrs ago before we got together.. it's childish to him now.
hmmmmmm.... how come i can see my post from preview and not from my favourites' link? weird. prelims are ALMOST over. P8 is UNSEEN, so don't need to study.
had a fun time shopping with the girls today, but soooooooooooooooo tiring. they seem to be able to walk non stop. sakae was so filling, my stomach almost burst with sushis. my blog childish meh? don't care lah. wat the hell.
FUCK!
bahahahhahaa.
someone tell me what's happening to baoyue? why is she like that these days? did she just broke up with gerald? *choi touch wood*
but anyways, where's that sunny side of baoyue i always see? nowadays i just don't seem to see any 'light' from her. she always look so lostform. makes me wonder what gerald did to her. ok maybe i shouldn't criticise him, cos i don't know what's been happening btw them.
actually, i do hope u guys will confide me when u guys are in trouble. maybe u all just feel i'm too 'siao' to listen hard enough and will just laugh it off. but i will lah. whenever u guys need me i'll just lend a listening ear and a shoulder for you. the other shoulder reserved for my bf. :P
anyways, miss my hubby soooooooooooooooo much. wish he was there at sakae today. anyways, i'm looking forward to tml, and sunday's swimming. just hope u won't pangseh me on sunday. love my little bao bei alot. *muackz*
mushy.
haizZZ.... Prelims' driving me nuts.. i already went crazy studying econs for the past few days.. and i thank my lucky stars that at least 2 questions that i spotted came out. but i've this strong feeling i'm still gonna fail those 2questions. the other question i can go and die lah. i din even write even 1 whole page of answers. i dono how to do that question at all. ARGH. Now's P1's turn to drive me crazy. Othello was sooooooooooooooo damn long ago. There are so many bloody things in Hard Times, and i know NUTS about Silas Marner, so i can prepare to go to hell for tml lah.
i wondered how i could do my lit during my O levels. it all seemed so damn easy man. i could find out so many quotes and themes from Julius Caesar, but why can't i just concentrate on lit for my A levels? it's one of my core subjects too leh... ARGH.. FUCK LAH!
FUCK FUCK FUCK!
why am i so wrong abt life getting boring...
yes, life's boring wif studying studying and more studying.... but it's so 'happening' to quarrel wif my bf right.
what ever happened to his 'love you ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT'? since when did it degrade to only ALOT? and the strange thing is, i din notice till recently. what's happening to us? why are our msgs getting harsher and harsher by the day? why are our tones so harsh on the phone? why do our tones change so completely during and only during weekends?
did he really miss me at all? he din say so. he din type it out. he din msg me. i'm stupid, i know. i need him to spell it out to tell me tat he misses me. cos i really can't sense it in his tone on the phone. provided he even talks to me on the phone.
there i was saying we haven't been quarrelling for quite awhile and there we are quarrelling today again.. i feel so fuck. life just can't get better for me. i really hate him. he's just playing around wif my feelings. he's just giving me false hopes everyday by calling me or msging me. cos everytime i see his call i would expect a very sweet bf who's missed his gf alot cos he's in camp. but no. all i got was a fiery fucker, block of wood who don't even bother to talk. all he can always say is 'u talk ah, i just listen to you talk.' FUCK. why can he always bear to do this to me. am i his gf or not? does he really miss me in camp like he always claimed during weekends? why does he treat me so nicely only during weekends when he doesn't give a damn when he's inside? or everytme over the phone? did he treat me nicely on weekends only because i always buy him gifts? and he's guilty he din buy me anything and just think that he can get away wif it by treating me only a TAT BIT nicer?
he's just playing around with my feelings. or did he want something else from me during weekends? tat's why he feels that he must treat me better. wat the hell. hate my life.
feel like decorating my wrist wif some 5cm by 5cm cuts. or jumping off some building, and not killing myself but killing someone else inside a car instead. tat taiwan guy who wanted to commit suicide is really a joker. he din kill himself, but killed someone else in the car when he crashed down to the car. twist.
Dear blog... life's getting better actually... no quarrels with my bf... *choi touch wood* hahah.. he's getting sweeter by the day.. hmm.. but his msgs are all forwarded msgs from his frens lor.. not like his last time msgs so sweet and deep from his heart..
had fun studying today though... ran abt finding a place to study and ended up only really starting studying at 5plus at cck cc.. nice quiet place to study.. too quiet.. :P
got to do econs tml!!!! i must stop physical geog... it's driving me nuts.
and i'm really sorry i din wait for u in school today..... me and maybelline just feel so sick of gp.. and i was so tired.. sorry.. feel guilty....
yeah.. managed to study ABIT. well at least i studied something right. studied half of coastal set1, and erm. rocks and landform set1 only. i can't even continue!! whenever i bring myself to my books i'll just switch off after awhile and i will need to change chapters. how...can someone just teach me how to study?
rachel.. don't sad.. don't fret.. don't mang zang.. don't worry be happy.. i'll be here. all ur frens will be there for you. no worries. smile. i wanna see a happier rachel. you're just too stressed up with everything, u need a break. let's go shopping? hahaha.. =)
one day passed and nothing done.. i'm wasting my time.. another day nearer to prelims. it's so sucky. there's so much to cover!!!! how the hell am i supposed to cover so many things in just less than 2wks! minus weekends!!! cos i hafta meet my bf!!
on a lighter note....
yeah, i'm meeting my bf tml for our 23rd mth together!!! yes, we reconciled AGAIN. AS USUAL. wats the prob wif us man. we quarrel abt the same things every alternate days. and prob is, we dun get tired of it. ARGH. shit heads. dumbass. fucks.
1 - ICE KISS
Celebrate the first day of winter with an ice kiss. Put an ice cube in your mouth until your mouth becomes cold. Remove the cube, track down your love and plant a kiss that will send chills!
- 2 - ELECTRIC SHOCK KISS
The two of you shuffle your feet furiously on carpet. When you both have an electric charge, lean over and slowly aim for each other's lips. With your lips about one-half inch apart, move in even slower until a spark jumps between teh two of you. Instantly after this happens, kiss one another...the please us the kiss right after the shock!
- 3 - CAMPING KISS
On a beautiful cool night, you and your love crawl into a sleeping bag outside. Cuddle and kiss.
- 4 - REWARD KISS
Next time your love performs some disliked home chore like cleaning the bathroom, mowing the lawn, or taking out the garbage, show your appreciation by tucking a candy kiss in a strategic location.
- 5 - POST-IT KISS
Use 3M Post-It notes to make a trail through your house that leads to your lips. Put a lipstick print or lip symbol on each note with an arrow pointing to the next note. You, of course, are at the end of the trail with a Post-It note over your lips that says, "LIFT FOR KISS"
- 6 - KISSING IN THE RAIN
The next time it rains, grab an umbrella, rain coats, and your love. Then go outside and kiss in the rain. If the spirit of the kiss moves you, remove the umbrella and kiss 'till the two of you are soaked.
- 7 - HERSHEY`S KISSES
Prepare a small bag of Hershey`s kisses and slip it into your love's purse, briefcase, or lunchbox. Attach a note that reads "SORRY, I CAN'T BE THERE IN PERSON, BUT THINK OF ME AND DO THE FOLLOWING: Close your eyes and place the candy between your lips. Drop the candy in your mouth and roll it on your tongue until it melts.
- 8 - TRACY AND HEPBURN KISS
Make flash cards, and the two of you re-enact the following kissing scene from WOMAN OF THE YEAR
(1942): (Reclining face to face on a couch, woman on top.) SAM: Something I've got to get off my chest.
TESS: I'm too heavy?
SAM: I love you.
TESS: Me, too.
SAM: Positive.
TESS: That's nice. Even when I'm sober?
SAM: Even when you're brilliant. (The two of you kiss.)
- 9 - KISSES IN A BALLOON
Cut out small red tissue lips, and place them inside an opaque balloon filled with helium (any party store could do this for you) Tie the balloon to your love's chair at dinner. Desert is a shower of kisses delivered by a sharp pin.
- 10 - TOLL KISS
Next time you are driving your love somewhere, stop the car before crossing a bridge or going through a tunnel, and say the toll must be paid before you can go any further. Of course, the toll cost in one kiss
I miss you.
I miss your warm eyes,
the way you listened and cared.
I miss your kisses
and all that we shared.
I miss you.
I miss the touch of your hand,
so reassuring and sincere,
and the moments we spent together,
that I hold dear.
I miss you.
I miss all of the caring
things you did,
and spending the evening
alone with you.
I miss you.
I look forward to tomorrow
knowing that then,
I'll be one day closer
to seeing you again.
note all the Ds.
OH MY GOD. WTF. I just read Melissa's blog and JUST KNEW james and evonne made out in the classroom
?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HUH???? wat the fuck??????? and someone filmed down the entire thing? HUH??? OEIIIIIIIII lynnette rachel whoever!! how come u guys never tell me???????? Mel said when she announced it to the class u guys gave them the duh i knew it long ago look like it happened century ago!! *feels damn ba gua* my god. i can't imagine. i don't want to. my god. quote from mel. they are the highest form of geekdom ever. argh! *feels bad abt ba guaing, but. it's so truly unbelievable, so yucks*
and i read baoyue's blog too. i'm pissed at that girl for doing that to yue. i'm pissed at whoever passer-by is who told baoyue that she shouldn't be a green eyed MONSTER. who is she to tell yue that she shud trust her bf. yue's just saying she's pissed at tat girl wat, she din say she's pissed at her bf wat. it's morally wrong to put on a blog to say she think she has a place in someone else's bf's heart. ya, i know it's not wrong to say u are in love with wif someone who has a gf. but it's just wrong to put it up publicly that u even tHINK other ppl's bf likes you!!!! yue's not the one behaving like a green eyed monster!!! TAT GIRL IS THE ONE LOR!!! wtf. i'm pissed at something that is non of my business. wat the hell. bleh.
hmmm.. got this from baoyue's blog who got it frmo QQ's blog.. my bf shud read this.
"Couples who do not refrain from premarital sex are not likely to refrain from extramarital sex. Sexual attitudes are not likely to change after marriage. If people engage in sex before marriage, they are more likely to compare, suspect, cheat on their partners, and have subsequent sex partners"
@ when only intimacy (feelings of the warmth of emotional bonding, willingness to share private thoughts with one's beloved) is present, it's friendship(liking).
@ when only passion (physical attraction and desires for sexual involvement) is present, it is infatuation.
@ In a long term relationship where there is no passion or intimacy, it's empty love.
@ In a long term relationship where there is intimacy and commitment (concious decision to be faithful in the long term regardless of the circumstances), it's compassionate love.
@ when someone hero-worships from afar, it's fatuous(lusty) love.
@ when there is passion and intimacy with no commitment, it's romantic love.
@ The most fulfilling type of love has all three components, and Sternberg calls it consummate love.
so what do you think?~ what are you looking out for?~ is it now a better definition for everybody?~
i can't even meet my frens now. he got pissed cos i met them. maybe he's just not happy he's inside PA while i'm outside. he keeps thinking i'm having fun out there but it's really not. how i wish i'm inside PA wif him now rather than suffering loneliness and fucks out here. he just dun understand my plight now. i have so many things to do and i haven't even started doing anything. prelims is 2weeks time and i haven't done even 1/99 of things that i should have done. he's just so selfish. he just wont talk to me. whenever he does that to me i just end up with sleepless nights and more sleepless nights. and i won't be able to do anything. how pathetic can i be. why must he do this to me.
he got pissed at my blog too. god knows why. he's just not happy i miss my frens. and so suay he only read the 1st page when i wrote abt my frens. he din read many many pages back where i wrote ALL abt him. rachel, lynn, sam, u all should know right. it was all abt him right. my memories go BACKWARDS lor, i think about the most recent things first before i think abt the most past right. that's why i wrote everything on my blog in chronological order right. i think abt him first then it set me going on thinking back to my sec days right. and when i start recalling my memories i can't stop.
why can't he understand that i'm thinking abt my memories cos i'm lonely, fucking lonely. if i dun think abt my memories then what else can i think of? wat else can i do? No rachel, dun tell me i can study instead, cos i can't. i tried but really can't. i can't help it but keep 'wallowing in tears'. or 'wallowing in my memories'. watever.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK THE WORLD LAH!
hubby just comes in and out of my life during weekends.. in between.. i've got no life at all to start with.. but he will always be on my mind.. hubby i miss you.. again..
Really FUCK FACE. everytime he comes my hse he just gives me the fuck face.
yes.. finally waited till tml.. can see him again..
Singapore idol turned out to be better than i expected.. i thought those contestants will be nothing compared to those ang moh idols.. but i was wrong.. they had at least some quality to compare with. or compare to? timdore, correct me. my english's really getting shitty nowadays. i can't even spell anymore. what the fuck.
anyway, i was really impressed by the 'butch' in S'pore Idol, her song really 'swayed' me. but i sort of wished she wouldn't get in so Florence can cut her hair infront of everyone. haiz, pity.
sian...................... lonely and only more lonely..... hubby you will come and look at my blog right? you promised remember? i know u will come and see my blog.. i know.. i hope...
really miss u alot.. really..
Just reached home after doing econs test... tired.. was damn happening.. me and lynn had great fun escaping from LT1 after econs test. but was bloody suay to get caught by Mr NG who screamed for us to stop and asked us to see him tml. BUT while we were on our way out of sch, we saw mr ng again. haiz. really suay right. but thank god he din scold us. our excuses were quite lame. "i got econs tuition later" "today's my bro's death anniversary". she shocked me when she said that. i think Mr Ng too. that's why he din scold us. just sarcastically said "ya ya ya". bahahhahaha.
feels great to feel the excitement of pontenging/escaping in JJ. cos life's just so boring there. not happening at all.
I'm doing this in case i become senile one day and forget all the happenings during my school life... which i wanna remember for the rest of my life.. i'm becoming more and more detached from my memories, they seem to be floating away from me. i must get them back. i want some memories to lay back on when i become old and lonely. (familiar right.. "Winter" :P )
Primary school: Pei Hwa Presbytarian Primary School P1 to P3: 1a,2a,3a.
was always teased and qi fu by my classmates. including mabel who constantly said i was ugly till my mum and her mum quarrelled over this. reason: according to my mum, si hui was jealous of me as her mum always compared her studies and everything with me.
yes, astonishing but i joined chinese dance from P1 to P3.
led very stressed life. started learning arts and crafts, piano, violin, ballet, swimming, phonics classes and hanyupin yin classes. on top of that, had tuition for all subjects.
P4 to P6: 4a, 5a, 6a. Streamed to EM1, led a very stressed life. continued arts and crafts, piano, swimming but dropped violin, ballet, phonics classes and hanyupinyin classes. dropped phonics and hanyu cos i finished the syllabus.. haiz.
started learning abacus, finished learning abacus. finished swimming course. bronze to life saving 1. started life saving 2 but dropped. cos had to jump the tall tall board. scared. thus din really get the life save 1 and 2 certs but completed courses.
joined school swimming team, came in 6 for west zone.
met my other best friends: pamela, jasmine, yushan. called ourselves crystals. all 4 of us learnt piano and thus, gave us the inspiration to compose our own songs.
i was the youngest there and was very well taken care of. Pam even fought with a guy who teased me. was the baby of the group... missed those days.. we never quarrelled ever before.. those were the days..
BUT: met bad friends. thought me to smoke. was smoking for a couple of mths. grades became so much worst. grades were not up to my mum's expectations who wanted me to go nanyang. ended up going neighbourhood sch instead.
Sec one: 1999
It all started with a crush on mitch and vel's crush on jeff.
+ led us to gate crash mitch's Christmas party at Jurong Kechil. not really gate crash lah, we "happened" to be there on purpose and kumar saw us and invited us in.
+ our friendship started from then on. everyday, me and vel would "accidentally" always be near them and they will always invite us to join them for dinner as a big group.
+ everything went on smoothly and finally we became an even bigger group
Sec 2: 2000
We went fishing one day and caught our own crabs and fish and cooked ourselves a meal with those at anthony's hse. JJAM D KAVE JACKS were formed.
Started going jamming with them. went night cycling.
had a chalet. that was when Anthony did things to annie and after the chalet did things with karin.
that was also when kumar started liking me.
Participated in Band competition as Auxillory percussion player.
sec3: 2001
got together with kumar.
broke up with kumar.
one of my last night cycling with them, that thing happened to me.
another thing happened to me. diagnosed with benign brain tumour.
took medication for half a year. recovered.
quarrelled with vel and for a few mths, bestfriend was Zhi Hui. whom asked me to try smoking. but we only smoked a couple of sticks. was just trying. again.
Participated in NDP as Tuba player.
sec4: 2002
Participated in Band comp as Tuba section leader.
started liking neil.
stopped liking neil.
got to know hubby. started msging each other. started calling each other. talked for hrs on the phone. and finally first met at lot1,
second meeting at causeway point to buy present for Syam.
subsequently went nature park with him. took rides on his bike in awkward position, not daring to hug him.
went cck park with him during lantern festival period. the 1st time he asked me to be his gf but i rejected him. bahahhaha..
after that regretted and i msged him asked him be my bf. no shame. heh...
finally got together on 1st October 2002.
Econs test is tml and i haven't even started doing anything. i haven even study yet! i intend to bring some notes in somehow........... don't even know if mr ng got lie to us or not.. he said we're going to mark our own work tml.. it'll be too good to be true ifg it's really like that. then can anyhow do. bahahah. argh. miss you.
I miss the laughs i used to get from you
I miss the talks we used to have
I miss the way that you make me smile
And above all this...
I really miss you..
We used to be together.. so happy together
we used to be such very good friends,
oh why must our friendship end?
our good times together,
i'll always remember,
we used to be such very good friends
why did our friendship end?
The times we had i'll never forget
the times we shared i'll never regret
i'll never forget how you hurt me so,
you turned from my friend to my foe..........
Once upon a time.. i had a group of friends who named ourselves JJAM D KAVE JACKS. and friends... we're a damn big group, with totally different kinds of individuals.
J=Jeffrey, was a leader of our big group. a tall, not so handsome guy, who plays the lead guitar of our JJAM band. an egoistic person. but he and I have something against each other and we're always at logger heads.
J=Jiarong, our drummer. one of my best pal, a person whose like a sister to me. Very very bagua. humble person who likes to joke a lot. takes really good care of me last last time...
A=Anthony. fucker. Was a very very good pal of mine. almost replaced Vel for my best friend. he's really really a good friend to have. loyal. one whom u can share ur woes and happiness with. but is a fucker. he's a really really bad bf to have. dono why, maybe it's cos of his loyalty to frens, he's got lots of admirers. but tat doesn't include me. he flirts. he's a fucker. many girls got conned by him. i'm one of them. conned as in........ m.. girls. haiz. i was stupid. really stupid. bass guitarist.
M=Mitchell, also another lead guitarist. emotional, egoistic. WAS my crush very very long time ago. an eurasian.. but he's got a weird chinese name. mai jian ren. bahahahhaha..
now to those non JJAM members, as in they dun really jam wif them.
D=Daniel, an angel.... lovable.. really an angel who always have the best temper. takes good care of us girls.
K=Karin. we call her K slut. actually, she's already out of the picture. she and anthony had a thing behind everyone's back when kumar, mitch and daniel all had a crush on her. and when anthony was with annie. that's why i said anthony's a fucker. and it's more than that.
A=Annie, one of the few girls whom i've seen to have such perserverance for love.. she had a crushed on Anthony for like 3 years. got cheated by him.
V=Velveta, my best friend. emotional. very. ang moh. loves italians more than anything else.
E=Elsie, cute petite girl.
J=Jason, bad tempered, very talented guy who really can play piano damn well if he had continued. Also a guitarist.
A=Adam, a malay, was our drum major. fit, quite good looking.
C=Carine. ME of cos.
K=Kumar. my ex, always at logger heads with me. always anti me. bloody bad tempered. an indian ah beng.
S=Shimin, a very cheena guy who can't speak very well. always stutter.. can't blame him cos his parents are both mute and deaf. he always get qi fu by ppl of jjam.
Other frens of jjam...... most are all mitchell's eurasian cousins.. neil cheah.. haha my ex crush, jeremy d silvia, charles d silvia. brenda, michelle, chinhui....
i'm writing all these in case i forget them......................... i think i will..
we had joy we had fun we had seasons in the sun. night cycling.. fishing.. having a major "meeting" in the middle of the night.. cos of that fucker. was always what we did.
i should say more abt that fucker. he molested girls. i think most of us were stupid to be cheated by his so called "friend" front. i was stupid. after night cycling i went to his hse to stay. which wasn't the first time already. it wasn't the first time i went to his hse, so i thought it was ok. well he touched me ah. i dun wanna elaborate. it happened to a lot of girls too. before me, and after me. but. he was really a very good friend.
these are all exciting parts of my life.. which i sometimes hate.. but sometimes like to go back to.. think of how stupid i was. or think of how much fun i had with my friends..
I really hate the kind of life i'm leading right now.. it's really damn unproductive.. i'm just trying to live each day by sleeping thru most of it. i'm not doing my hw, i'm not studying, i dun have my bf around, i'm not going out. i'm doing nothing. how i really wish to quit school now. how i really wish i can just get married and be a tai tai for the rest of my life. just shop shop shop or take care of children. i dun even mind slogging and working for the rest of my life. i know they will come soon. but i just hope they come sooner, so i can just stop studying forever. i think i might regret when i say this. cos that's adults always say 'the best parts of our lives are when we are studying, cherish ur studying days now. cos working will be the worst parts of your lives.' i don't know about that, but i really feel that life now is really fuck. i just spent my weekend 'nuahing' at my bf's hse. like i always did. even during weekdays when i'm at home, i still nuah. even during weekends i also nuah. what the fuck do i want? how i wish for the good old days. when i pon sch like nobody's business, when both of us cook ourselves lunchs at his hse. how we used to overfry our eggs and luncheon meat. how we used to quarrel abt who's going to be the maincook and whose gonna be the dishwasher. all these days might be gone forever. after my A levels, i will have to move on to another part of my life. working. i dun think i will even have time to cook lunches. i dun think i can even pon work. He will also be still serving NS and working 8 to 5. but i think it'll at least be better than now where i can only see him for like twice a wk. the time he spends with his campmates is so much more than his time spent wif me. i'm really seriously sick of my dull, stagnant, boring life now. or should i say NO LIFE.
SORRY BY WILLIAM SU
Sorry.. i'm really sorry..
我又一次你气哭在陌生街头
爱你..我当然爱你..
自从第一眼到现在什至没人敢预测的将来
请你相信不是我不愿意改变我自己
而是一再努力又一再放弃那个软弱的自己
其实我恨透了我自己, 没有认输的勇气
让你受尽了不安和委屈
你是我这一生这一生最最最害怕去伤害到的人
也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人
虽然我并没有并没有并没有一身温纯的灵魂
但是我很愿意很愿意做那个永远照顾你的人
我的爱人请听, 我有颗不善言语的心
只能够看着你远处的背影
This was the song which he sang to me during kbox.. i was so touched.. because for once.. i could
really feel that he loves me.. (i hope).. cos when he sang this he was looking at me constantly..
when he sang: 也是我这一生这一生唯一能让我安定下来的人, i seriously believed him..
wholeheartedly.. i was so bloody touched.. but everytime we quarrelled.. my heart always
shattered, and left scars on my heart... never to be mended again.. cos he always repeatedly dig
those scars up.............. haizzzZZZzz... i'm really sorry too hubby.. maybe it everytime we
quarrelled it's all my fault.. i feel like a pathetic loser by saying this.. but i can't seem to be angry
with him for long..
what the hell lah.. the most important thing now for me is to concentrate on my studies!! what
the fuck am i doing thinking all these nonsense for? i can't concentrate on my studies at all!!! i
can't help it! i feel like breaking down and cry my whole heart out. i just need a shoulder for me
to cry on. now. not wait till weekends for his shoulders. i'm not blaming him for not being here.. i
know i just have to be strong now. and wait till weekends to break down into his 怀抱... and just
be a little crybaby of his.. and cry my guts out..
Blog... will my bf ever ever ever read my blog?.. i really wanted to start studying today.. really wanted to.. and all i did was read that stupid england england and touched one tiny teensy bit of perfect competition. WAT THE FUCK. i spent the whole day diarrheaing.. or watever it's spelt. i can't spell nowadays. my english's getting bad to worst or worse? fuck. ARGH. KNN LAH. Hokkien seems more familiar to me. wo yao du shu!!!!!!!! i must get my engine going again!!! i can't rot like this everyday i can't always sleep! i must refrain myself from sleeping so much everyday. it's really bad for my health and studies. more sleep= less studying time but = less distractions cos of bf. i wouldn't feel so tempted to call or msg him everyday if i sleep... i've been coughing like mad the whole day and it just won't stop. this really suck. argh. life passes everyday just waiting for his calls/msgs.
Blog... will my bf ever ever ever read my blog?.. i really wanted to start studying today.. really wanted to.. and all i did was read that stupid england england and touched one tiny teensy bit of perfect competition. WAT THE FUCK. i spent the whole day diarrheaing.. or watever it's spelt. i can't spell nowadays. my english's getting bad to worst or worse? fuck. ARGH. KNN LAH. Hokkien seems more familiar to me. wo yao du shu!!!!!!!! i must get my engine going again!!! i can't rot like this everyday i can't always sleep! i must refrain myself from sleeping so much everyday. it's really bad for my health and studies. more sleep= less studying time but = less distractions cos of bf. i wouldn't feel so tempted to call or msg him everyday if i sleep... i've been coughing like mad the whole day and it just won't stop. this really suck. argh. life passes everyday just waiting for his calls/msgs.
blog,
i miss him. i really miss him. alot. it's hell sian without him. i'm going crazy.. i've got no life. and i'm not even making full use of his absence to go and study. i can't study when he's around and i can't study when he's not around. what the fuck do i want? i'm just rotting my life away. i suck. when i see rachel studying so hard i can't help feeling guilty. for that moment. but when i get home. i just kept thinking 'i will study tml, i will study tml. i really will.' but tomorrow came and went and i did NOTHING. haiz.
Do you often cry in front of people or alone
it depends right.
::Have your friends ever seen you cry
nope.
:: Have you cried today
nope.
:: Do you usually cry for a long time
when i do cry.. yes
:: Do you get really red when you cry
yes
:: Have you ever cried because you were happy
never.
:: Have you ever been someone's "crying shoulder"
nope. haha.. ppl think i dun ever cry
:: Have you ever hugged someone because they were crying
er... nope.. when they cry i will be so damn scared dono what to do i think i will just walk away. i suck rite. so much for a friend.
:: Have you ever had a shoulder to cry on
nope.. i only cry into the arms of my bf.. not shoulders.. and only him.
:: Have you been hugged when you cried
yes.by my bf only lor...
:: Do you cry during movies
very very seldomly.. unless i'm wif my bf or i'm alone.
:: Do you cry while reading books
NO!! OF COS NOT!
:: Does music make you cry
sometimes!
:: Have you ever been called a cry baby
sometimes.. by my bf.. only. if any of my frens call me a cry baby i might box them.
:: Have you ever tried to stop yourself from crying:
most of the time. when there's ppl around me.
:: Does this survey make you want to cry?
SIAO AH!
:: Have you ever cried over a guy/girl
yes of cos. though not often. i often cry cos of my bf. haiz.
:: Do you cry when you are physically hurt
NO. NEVER.
:: Do you cry when you are scared
Nope. i will just go to sleep. ok maybe once. when my bf met with accident.
:: Do you cry when you are mad
yes, often. angry tears. but just cos of my bf.
:: Do you cry over bad grades?
nope. but i hope not. i just get damn depressed that's all.
:: Have you ever cried over spilled milk
yes.
:: Can you make yourself cry
no ah of cos not. i hate to cry lor. ok maybe yes. is tearing after yawning considered?
:: When was the last time you cried
when i quarrelled with my bf last week. it was hell.
:: Have you ever cried because you were sad for someone else
er no... am i that bad?
:: Do you have a favorite crying quote
don't cry in front of me, i'll slap u. hahahahah, but i never do that.
:: Have you ever cried for anyone who wouldn't cry for you
once again, sadly yes.
:: Do you ever cry on anniversaries of things?
nope.
:: Do you cry over someone you love becoz they have a gf/bf?
No.
::When was the last time u felt love and u cried?
yes.. when my bf sang 'sorry' by su yong kang in k box just dedicated for me. he din know, but a tear rolled down my cheek.
::Who is the person you always cry for?
my bf ah.. haiz..
:: Will you cry because this survey is over:
SIAO AH! THIS SURVEY IS DAMN LAME
 he looks better in this pic..
 Stars of 03A2
 Drama festival
 couple of 03A2
 i'm so damn fat..
 hmmm.. this was damn long ago..
 wo ai ni..
The Four Candles burned slowly.
Their Ambiance was so soft, you could hear them speak...
The first candle said,
"I Am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to keep me lit." Then Peace's
flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
The second candle says,
"I Am Faith, , but these days, I am no longer indispensable." Then Faith's
flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
Sadly the third candle spoke,
"I Am Love, "People put me aside and don't understand my importance. They
even forget to love those who are nearest to them." And waiting no longer,
Love goes out completely.
Suddenly...
A child enters the room and sees the three candles no longer burning.
The child begins to cry,"Why are you not burning? You are supposed to stay
lit until the end."
Then the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the young child,
"Don't be afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we can re-light the
other candles."
With Shining eyes the child took the Candle of Hope and lit the other three
candles. Peace Faith Love!
Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life.
With Hope, no matter how bad things look and are...
Peace, Faith and Love can Shine Brightly in our lives.
Hope, Faith, Peace and Love !!!
Dear Blog
I feel guilty about bitching. real guilty.
haiz.. i've been bitching about someone all week long and i feel so damn guilty. this part of my blog hopefully
wont be seen i dont think anyone will be so clever to think of this. HEHEHE. and the prob is, i told the whole
world about tat person. anyway i din tell the whole world lor. don't know how hell news got around so fast. but! i
told annie and gary and tiffi they all eh..... how.... shouldn't have done that. if words get around to that
person i'll be dead.
Dear Blog,
I believe Love is FUCK. I hate him. I'm serious. I've never hated someone so intensely before. i really hate him to the core. I don't even know if i have a bf or not. He doesn't call me, doesn't msg me. even if he replies, his msgs are all one liners. he said he always see my fucking msgs every morning. Fuck msgs. HA. FUck msgs. those msgs came out right from my heart, telling him how much i miss him. those msgs are my everyday life. to him, it's all fuck. no one knows how fucking sad i am now. except maybe only sam, he's the only one who will read this blog. my fucking bf wont. my frens wont. i'm just so angry i don't know how to express myself. love is blind. how apt. i think i'm blinded by love so much that i can stand his kind of behaviour.
i think his love for me is fading. to a large extent. and fast. he used to call me baby everytime. he used to give me a peck on my cheek when he gets the chance. he used to msg me everyday whenever he's free. not now. i know he's busy in camp. but he do get free time everytime and i know it. but he doesn't use the time to msg me. he just uses the time to WAIT for my calls and msgs. 'you call me ah, you call me ah'. that's what he always puts in msgs, he just waits and expects me to call him. im trying so damn hard not to sound pathetic. not to look pathetic. but i just can't fucking stop myself from calling him!!! and everytime i calls him he WONT FUCKING PICK UP HIS CALLS!!! AND HE SAID HE'LL BE ALWAYS FREE AFTER 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK! FUCK!!!!
i really dont know what to say about him i really don't! either he doesn't give a damn or HE JUST DOESNT GIVE A FUCK LAH!! CHEE BYE LAH!!
ANYONE KNOW HOW MISERABLE I AM NOW!! NO ONE KNOWS. EVEN HE DOESNT KNOWS!!! guess what. i msged him 12 msgs. and all he replied was. 'then what you want now'. i told him i was sorry. i told him i miss him alot. and he replies that. anyone can tell me what does he mean by that?
i'm going to do something tomorrow that i have never ever done before. that i couldn't do. but i think i can tml. i'm going to put my phone in my drawer tml. not going to bring it to sch. he will be booking out tml. but i dont wanna meet him. i wont pick up his calls i wont reply his msgs. i'm just going to town on my own till night. FUCK LAH! go town also go and find a bag for him!! how fucking pathetic am i!! CHEEBYE KNN.
his every knit of eyebrows affect me
his every movements kill me
his lack of concern and care makes me only msg him more
his lack of msgs and calls makes me calls him more
he is making me so fucking pathetic
i'm not trying to sound poetic here
i'm just pissed.
DEAR BLOG!!
ARGHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE HIM TO THE CORE!!!! FUCKER!! ASSHOLE!! KNN CCB!!!! FUCK!!! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I'm feeling so damn fucking suay cos of him! some girls jioed me to 璋�CK. The whole world was crowding around them all staring cos they were making such a din. and they chose ME to confront. nothing better to do than choose me. FUCK lah. Then when some security guards came they went off and told me if i wanna stare if i wanna fight i can ask my friends to go with me to the street soccer court near westmall to find them. as if i got anything better to do. i din want to go at first, BUT MY BF HAD TO MAKE ME SO FUCKING ANGRY. so i went. alone. but they weren't there. Thank god. so damn fucking suay. FUCK FUCK FUCK CHAO CHEE BYE LA!
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