dont feel like blogging these days.... dont even feel like doing anything nowadays.... damn sick of this life.......... everyday fret over the lack of $$$$, everyday thinking whether i can make it for piano this year.... everyday doing nothing (this part i dont really mind).... haizz.........

can i be existent in ur eyes for just 24hrs? just one day will do... dont treat me like a princess for a few hrs and treat me like dirt the nxt few hrs.... they say women are difficult to understand... PLEASE LOR.... guys can get moody so much easier than girls ah... i think they get pms twice a week ah! pui. even when i pms i also wont anyhow vent anger on anyone easily... i dont even knw what he's thinking... haizZZZZzz....

short, sharp, painful, jagged breaths......

sucks........ nobody told me today was casual wear day............. sucks................. ta ma de...... if i knew i wouldn't have rushed to change into my working wear after piano lessons..... ARGH. angry... i look like alien.....

office so quiet today... i hope they'll ask me to come work next week too....for a few days also good.... best is as quiet as today... as no-work-to-do as today..... shiok... they paid me today to surf net..... only ONE pathetic phone call today....

im doing something that's not supposed to be done.... im printing my school notes in the office.....hehe... its quite scary... cos anyone can come in anytime to check on me..... exciting....

im back at the office again........... only back for half day though... from 2.30 till 6.15.... today's the best day at work.... waahhahha... cos there's absolutely NOTHING for me to do.... i got a feeling my supervisor forgot to leave me work to do.... i searched high and low for any notes for me to do work... but din find any.... soooo.... hahaha... my job is only to pick up calls and tell them the boss is not in town, the secretary is on leave.....WAHAHAH...

but i scared they will ask me to arrange schedule to meet up with the boss... that's gonna be tricky... but anyway, i have the boss's schedule with me... so not scared.......... i am so proud of it... hahhaha i have the BIG BOSS, CEO's schedule with me leh..... dont play play.....

*bored*

why must u always treat me like dirt? why must u treat me like that just because you're tired? thats a fucking lousy excuse. i dont like to suit everyone's mood swings all the time, its so bloody tiring. so tiring. so tiring to be always so forgiving, to always give in, to always tolerate everyone's mood swings. i dont give people shit when im having mood swings. I DONT HAVE MOOD SWINGS AT ALL WHEN IM OUTSIDE. WHEN IM ON THE PHONE. I WONT SHOW MY MOODSWINGS. I FEEL SO TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

i wish we can give and take.... i wish im not always the one giving giving giving............ i've given all that im supposed to give... there's nothing left in me for you to dig.... im an empty shell now, devoid of feelings, emotions..... sometimes i try to numb myself but most of the time i feel the pain..... i'd rather u plunge a sharp knife into me... than use a spoon and dig at me all the time....

tortured soul.

new song!

New song!! to all my close friends out there..... this song is exactly my feelings for all of you...

一个像夏天一个像秋天

第一次见面看你不太顺眼

谁知道后来关系那么密切

我们一个像夏天一个像秋天

却总能把冬天变成了春天

你拖我离开一场爱的风雪

我背你逃出一次梦的锻炼

遇见一个人然后生命全改变

原来不是恋爱才有的情节

如果不是你我不会相信

朋友比情人还死心塌地

就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰

你也不会恨我只是骂我几句

如果不是你我不会确定

朋友比情人更懂得倾听

我的胸怀志意我的有口无心

我离不开darling更离不开你

你拖我离开一场爱的风雪

我背你逃出一次梦的锻炼

遇见一个人然后生命全改变

原来不是恋爱才有的情节

如果不是你我不会相信

朋友比情人还死心塌地

就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰

你也不会恨我只是骂我几句

如果不是你我不会确定

朋友比情人更懂得倾听

我的胸怀志意我的有口无心

我离不开darling更离不开你

你了解我所有得意的东西

拆穿我留些意怕我忘形

你知道我所有丢脸的事情

却为我的美好形像保密

如果不是你我不会相信

朋友比情人还死心塌地

就算我忙恋爱把你冷冻结冰

你也不会恨我只是骂我几句

如果不是你我不会确定

朋友比情人更懂得倾听

我的胸怀志意我的有口无心

我离不开darling更离不开你

work yesterday was fucked up....... she gave me a job i dread the most............. she gave me a voice recording..... and asked me to do minutes for the meeting.... just based on that fucking recording.... WTF!!!!! so the whole day i was trapped infront of the comp, with the fucking small headset............

reasons y im not very pleased:

1. i dont know ANYONE's voice from inside the recording, other than the boss's voice.

2. I WASN'T EVEN AT THE MEETING, how the hell was i supposed to know what they talked about?!!! i dont even have a single CLUE.

3. I DONT KNOW THE CONTENT OF THE MEETING AT ALL, she din even give me a rough idea wat the meeting was abt AT ALL.

4. some of the ppl inside really CANNOT SPEAK ENGLISH FOR NUTS. and to think they work for the top management.

5. the voice recording is so damn blur, one cough from someone and you have to replay everything.

6. i have SERIOUS problems listening to ppl talk, real serious, i think i need hearing aid. even when people are talking right beside me i already cannot hear!!! even on the phone also cannot listen properly already! what more voice recording!!!!

7. in the end took 6 fucking hours to complete a 1 hour of meeting. fuck fuck fuck. i feel damn stupid. i feel i've wasted her time. i bet she must be thinking, this stupid girl, can only give her a job a day.

and anyway, im going back again on fri... they need people.... and maybe for the nxt 2 weeks till early aug when the new secretary comes....

I HATE. HATE HATE HATE. im so full of hate now. i can't stop. just for now. just let me hate them for now.

can u imagine i've already asked my supervisor for stuffs to do THREE TIMES, still, there's nthing to do.... she must be thinking im crazy.......... anyway, i wish they will hire me on a perm temp basis... like every 2 times a week..... till end of aug..... shiok......

talking abt end of Aug, my piano exams is on 29th Aug...... wtf........ scared scared scared........ relive horrid nightmare again...... ARGH!!!!!!! WAT IF I FAIL AGAIN?! haiz.

blogging in the office............ hehehe........ temp 2 days work...... i knw y they like blogging in the office so much........ cos its exciting trying hard nt to be caught by my supervisor...... anyway, im doing it in the broad day light..... comp facing my supervisor..... and very qiao, exactly like rach's situation..... met the company's president when i was waiting at the lobby..... kns..... didn't knw tat was who im going to work with..... din smile at him....... ended up was introduced to him and i got a shock..... SHIT...... and nw im the president's secretary's assistant....... hehehe....

stupid stupid stupid.

i did something foolish, stupid. out of sheer blurness. ARGH ARGH ARGH. i hate myself for being so fucking BLUR. and the best thing was i didn't even realise it till somebody told me. that's the worst part. u do something stupid and u dont even know wat and HOW THE FUCK did u do it. pissed at myself. feel like tearing up my comp.

im still thinking how the hell did i do it. i really dont know. lynn, u knw tat night i slept at 3?? thinking and thinking hw the hell it happened? haiz. i am so stupid. anyway, forget it.

50 ways to love your partner

1. Love yourself first.

2. start each day with a hug

3. serve breakfast in bed.

4. Say " I love u" every time you part ways.

5. Compliment freely and often.

6. Appreciate- and celebrate- your differences

7. Live each day as if it's your last.

8. Write unexpected love letters.

9. Plant a seed together and nurture it to maturity.

10. Go on a date once every week.

11. Send flowers for no reason.

12. Accept and love each others' family and friends.

13. Make little signs that say "I love u" and post them all over the hse

14. Stop and smell roses.

15. kiss unexpectantly.

16. Seek out beautiful sunsets together.

17. Apologize sincerely.

18. Be forgiving.

19. Remember the day you fell in love and recreate it.

20. Hold hands.

21. Say " i love you" with your eyes.

22. Let her cry in your arms.

23. Tell him you understand.

24. Drink toasts of love and commitment.

25. Do something arousing.

26. Let her give you directions when you're lost.

27. Laugh at his jokes.

28. Appreciate her inner beauty.

29. Do the other person's chores for a day.

30. Encourage wonderful dreams

31. Commit a public display of affection

32. Give loving massages with no strings attached.

33. Start a love journal and record your special moments.

34. Calm each others' fears.

35. Walk barefoot on the beach together.

36. Ask her to marry you again.

37. Say yes.

38. Respect each other.

39. Be your partner's biggest fan.

40. Give the love your partner wants to receive.

41. Give the love you want to receive.

42. Show interest in the other's work.

43. Work on a project together.

44. Build a fort with blankets.

45. Swing as high as you can on a swingset by moonlight.

46. Have a picnic indoors on rainy days.

47. Never go to bed mad.

48. Put your partner first in your prayers

49. Kiss each other goodnight.

50. Sleep like spoons.

(i like this alot...)

got this off "Chicken Soup for the Couple's Soul" given to me by Huiyee on bday.... its a super super nice book... so emotionally arousing... so nice... sometimes sad....

i know it's a super super long list... but i made the effort to type all out... hehehe... cos i find it so nice... i wish we can do that....

i've got so many things stored in my head but i dont know how to get it out and "pen" it down here....... i need a pensieve like the one Dumbledore has....

i live in the past too lynn............... when i say i "miss those days", i really do.... although it sounds really really cliche..... but some things u knw, when they are gone, they'll nvr come back....... and fond memories make me sad and happy both at the same time......u think back of the good old days, sometimes u'll smile, or even laugh to yourself...... but most of the times it makes me feel sad.... sad that i didn't cherish it when i was there, sad that it's not the same as before now....

when u think of ur courtship with ur bf.... u feel so happy reliving it at those few moments when u think back on how ur bf used to cuddle u and sayang u..... on how ur bf used to take care of u like im his princess.... and suddenly, back to reality..... u think ur bf is surely not wat he used to be..... and u wanna cry..... even weep....

watched soccer early this morning....didn't sleep till around 5....but it was the best match i've ever watched.... i mean, i've always thought soccer matches were all boring.... but i was wrong.... yesterday, i saw one of the most exciting matches in years....

i heart Thierry Henry and Zidane....... it was really a sad sad sad tragedy that Zidane was sent out in that manner... but somehow i think he sort of did the right thing.... materazzi might have hurled hurting words at him (Zidane hates ppl laughing at his race/origins, and is known to react violently to these)... i mean, no one will ever ever know what really happened btw them....except the both of them of cos....

poor thing Trezeguet.... he must be blaming himself now....

anyway, Thierry Henry is one of the best strikers i've ever seen..... he can always get past the defenders, no matter wat.... of cos unless u have 4 defenders guarding him like mad..... he can still somehow remain on his feet and try to get past them....

Congratulations to Italy..... although i dont support any of the players.... but i support Italy as a whole.... i really think Italy improved a hell lot....

life hasn't been too good.. its too heavy for me....

i dont like it when my good intentions are misinterpreted.. and the whole world gets angry with me... ya, for my good intentions.. i've been in a very bad mood lately... and it's not getting any better at all.. i dont usually flare up... i really dont... maybe even if i did no one will even notice i've already flared up, in my own way... i just dont want to hurt anyone in the process... tat's y i've nvr showed my anger/unhappiness to anyone before... but dont ever take advantage of this and start flaring up at me frequently since u all jolly well know i will just absorb everything...... all my anger will just store and store and store until it reaches a bottleneck... i will just explode. explode.

explode.

the same goes to u, dont just flare up at me for such a small thing. im not as tolerant as before. u know how much i fucking hate u at times?

我的胸口永远都闷闷的，真的很辛苦。闷到胸口痛，喘不过气来。每一个人永远都踩在我的头上，踏在我的自尊心上。为什么连你也这么对我?


为什么我们永远都会为了一点小事而吵架?你说你吃软不吃硬，我也是啊! 为什么你就不能让我先呢?永远都要我底声下气地对你说话。为什么每个人都这样对我? 每个人都以为我一定会忍，一定会。对! 我会忍!一定会忍! 我还可以怎样? 到我忍无可忍的时候，又会有谁会那么忍我?到我忍无可忍的时候，却没有人肯忍我。没有一个人。我真的好痛苦。很生气。很无奈。真的不知该如何是好。没有人肯谅解我。


我好痛苦。

my face is full of rashes again.... SIAN Ah.... i hate hate hate sunblock lotions... i dont know issit cos of the sunblock+water or just the sunblock alone making all the stupid rashes.... cos i wanted to experiment... so i put sunblock and after a few hrs i splashed water on my face..... really, i just SPLASHED and all the rashes sprouted (the fact is i already knew long long long ago im allergic to sunblock+water, i juz DONT WANT TO bring myself to believe it, die die must TRY)... ARGH. im so so so pissed at myself.... why the hell i experiment on my FACE of all places... STUPID RITE?! ya i know, damn stupid. even the whole world knows im allergic to sunblock+water after tat sentosa trip... so y the hell i dont wanna believe it myself?

i want to be in a different kinda world....i wanna drift away from here... i want something new... i want that old feeling back to me all over again.... the feeling of crushing, pursuit and love.... wat im having now= stale love. just ____________ ..... nothing else... no happenings... no excitement.... nothing much....