i miss his smile he flashes whenever he meets me after work..... i miss the way he tells me that he misses me and the only motivation after his work is meeting me.... i really wish he comes back...

i find him more and more irksome the more i see him.... the long face he pulls whenever he sees me....... i know he finds me fucking irritating.... then what for we meet? i just want time off. i need time off. time off from his irksome, irritating face. i need time off from his black face everytime he sees me. he won't even listen to me anymore. he can totally ignore whatever questions i ask him, pretending he didn't hear anything at all.

it's so obvious something is wrong. i'm just waiting for the time to break up with him. really. it's not that i don't love him. it's just damn obvious he don't love me anymore. can't you tell from all these reactions he gives me?

i was never much of a music/song fan..... i don't normally listen to music and only listen to radio occasionally (point being, i only listen to mainstream songs)...... but i just realised i SHOULD listen to music while working cos working hours will pass alot quicker.......... i was listening to mambo songs and i've got such an impulse to go clubbing......... i've been deprived of alot of things recently (or maybe since long ago) and i think i need to get my deprivation satisfied.......... it's sad.... cos when u start working, when u start a relationship, you lose everything....... you lose your social life.... you lose your occasional dosage of clubbing fun....... you lose alot of things and forget how to have fun, forget how to laugh really sincerely........ which i realised, are important elements of my life to make me feel happy again........ one cannot have total refrain......... it'll KILL you slowly and surely.

i cant believe my stupidity........ i brought my working papers out to do while waiting for the bf to study for his exams.... but i didn't bring out my BRAND NEW thumbdrive....... i remembered very clearly that i stuffed my thumbdrive in my pencil case.... but i couldn't find it anywhere in my pencil case....... it might be in my other bag, but i really did remember that the last time i saw it was in my pencil case!!! argh.......i will KILL myself if i lost it cos i've barely used it for like, 2 days?! FUCK lor....... oh my god..... i'm such a careless bitch i hate myself.... so now i've got frigging NOTHING to do while waiting for him.... PLUS i've got plenty of outstanding work to do......... BEST. not in the best of mood these days..... i dont understand... how can any couples continue to be together without any communication. how can any couples last if one love to be autistic. i really dont understand. what for meet up if nobody talks? why do we meet up if both do not appreciate each others' presence? this is getting really tiring. it's just so hard to continue. i dont even feel like talking to him anymore. i dont feel appreciated by him at all. my presence doesn't mean anything to him. my conversations dont mean anything. he dont even bother to even ACT like he's listening. then why do i bother talking to him at all? i'm just waiting for the time for all this to end. maybe i should just move on without him. it's really getting on my nerves. affected me at work. affecting my appetite. affecting my social life. affecting me so so much. how can someone's mood change so fast? how can HIS mood change so fast? how can a guy's mood change so fast? i'm finding it too hard to keep up. forgive me. but i really can't do it anymore. <> not that i don't love him anymore. it's just so hard to love him EVEN more, given the attitude given by him, given the strain that's been put to this relationship by him. i just need someone to listen, to reply, and to interact with. issit really so difficult? I recalled somebody told me of this funny but true conversation. "How can you still love her after all these years? How do you maintain this long relationship?" "my love for her has never changed. My tolerance level did."

Mr petty is at work again. fucking hell. it's confirmed that praising the boy infront of my frens is JINXED. CANNOT praise him. Pisces are pretty emo, sensitive and imaginative ppl. Taureans are practical, down to earth, straightforward ppl. How can these 2 creatures match?

THE anniversary is nearing. And the Cow is so totally broke. How to celebrate 1st Oct? I was intending to treat for the anniversary for the first time. But now......... it's rather hard......... *sighs* I CANT WAIT FOR THE BLOODY PAY FOR THE MONTH

YEAH!! the IT ppl finally unblocked livejournal!.... happiness... i can finally post online now....... i hate waking up to go to work.... bloody HATE it.... my heels are KILLING me..... i think the lower part of my legs just got "bulkier"..... it's rather mascular now and i bloody hate it......... looks damn ugly........ it's so bloody B-O-R-I-N-G in office....

i think it's the first time i've blogged so damn early in the morning.... and it's so hot and stuffy at our area...... and it's damn retarded cos it's superrrrr cold at the other end of the office..... i'd rather it freezing cold lor.....i'm soooooooooo broke.... i've got alot of "contingent liabilities"..... i've got to pay for my own piano lessons now.... give allowance to my parents...... repay a huge amt of debts to the bf....... and on top of that i still need to pay for the stupid transport expenses........so by the end of the mth i'm only left with like, 400bucks for my daily allowances? which is bloody LITTLE... how to survive??? the only way to survive it is by skipping my dinner everyday.... or maybe for 4 days..... monday i can have dinner at the bf's hse.... *sighs*

it's been a long time since i've blogged.... i haven't been really busy in office...... it's just that the IT ppl have "upgraded" and decided to block off livejournal as well....... i can blog right now cos i'm like a walking virus....... today's the SECOND day of my MC.... yes, AGAIN.... i told you i fan tai sui rite?... yep, my eye infection decided to re-infect me yesterday...... my eye was superrrr itchy and red yesterday morning, but i went office anyway........ but the whole world asked me to go see the manager to "prove" to him i'm really sick and not chao geng to ask for his permission to see the doctor....... and so, off i went.... the first thing the manager said was "wah u kena boxed ah"..... hahhaa...... and released me straight away to see the doctor....... the doctor said it's VERY contagious...... might pass around the office like dono what..... and so, she gave me 2 days of mc...... so i've like, taken 5 mcs (ALL NOT CHAO GENG) in less than 2.5 mths that i've been there...... which is SUPER not good...... *sigh* i really totally DO NOT understand why i fall sick so super easily these days....... something is really wrong with me...... maybe cos i'm so super unhealthy.... eating out every single day...... but you can't blame me what.... i dont have a mother who knows how to cook..... i've got a super good cooker at home who only cooks for his customers.... haiz..............................

i think i fan tai sui this year....... i've been sick all the time....... my eyes started turning red and irritated yesterday when i was in the office..... it became worst when i reached home.... my right eye started becoming swollen and i almost couldn't open my eye at one time....... this morning, my right eye was totally GLUED together... i couldn't open it until i went to the toilet and kept washing my eyes....... it hurt ALOT when i tried prying my eye open...... and i got a shock when i looked into the mirror cos it was completely SWOLLEN..... my right eye was already smaller than my left to start off with.... now it's totally damn small....... my eyes already so small, and now it became alot smaller..... i totally look like shit now........ not that i've looked nicer before, but it's worst.......... gosh, i feel so pissed.... i really wanted to go for work! cos i've been given so many days of leave i feel so bad! ARGH.